I want to write, I’m just too exhausted to make much sense.
Jay’s having troubles. Panic attacks and the like. And the medication pretty much made him way to high. And we fought. We’re both recovering addicts. 8 1/2 years sober, but I worry. We never FIGHT fight. We may disagree (usually when I get annoyed, and he antagonizes me for fun), but we rarely fight.
I’m literally sore all over. My neck is tense, my shoulders up under my ears.
I’m just – just SO mentally tired of everything kicking my ass. Logan’s heart (not a problem at the moment, but always there), Joseph’s school stuff, Jay’s job (causing the panic attacks), the business, money, my job (nothing bad just regular constant stream of stress), the in-laws. Add homework, and housecleaning, and errands, groceries, baths, stories, bedtimes, calls from the principal, and the 4000 ways I feel pulled right now, and I’m just done.
I have to remember to continue to take my St. John’s Wort, vitamins, and eat right. I really do feel better and more physically balanced when I do all those things.
Most important, I need to get back in the Word. I’ve slaughed off for quite a few days. Mainly because I am so exhausted by all of the above that I start falling asleep reading, much less making it a thinking excersize to STUDY the Bible.
We’ve been fighting one battle after another with various things our whole marriage. Not our marriage – but everything that gets thrown at us. I’m tired of it. I really am. I mean, will it always be like this? Always? Will we ever get the groove so that crises happen like every 3 months instead of every few days? Anybody? Really! I want to know. Please?
I think I need someone to tell me that it will get easier. It will get better. ‘Cause right now, I’m feeling rather… beaten. Yes, that’s the word, beaten. Beaten down, beat in the game.
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