What the Summer Looked Like to me

This summer was probably the roughest one I’ve ever had.

ever.

Now that I’m starting to be able to breathe, I wanted to take a look back, and list what happened. One, to reassure myself that yes – there was a reason I went into turtle mode. And two, to reassure myself that yes – I lived.

Positives from this summer:

• We have two new cats… Sort of. A mom and her babies adopted three homes on the block – including us. A neighbor trapped them and got them spayed/neutered (I always mix up which is which) and vaccinated. Three of the babies were able to be socialized and adopted, but momma and one baby was released. We feed/water them, and give them a little house for shelter should they need it. Our indoor cats? Several times a day let us know that THERE IS AN INVASION. ALERT!! ALERT!! ALERT!! You’d think they’d be used to seeing them. But no. By the way, we named momma, Tink. Her black baby is Smudge.
• The kids got to visit their grandparents up north.
• There were Popsicles.
• I fixed the air conditioner all by myself.
• Put pink stripes in my hair. Needed the boost of pink (see below).

The negatives from this summer:

• Joseph lost his psychologist who really “got” him – and that he trusted. (She moved due to her husband’s job.) **
• Joseph got a new psychologist. I think she’ll be all right – haven’t seen her in a crisis yet, which will be the real test. But we have to start all.over.**
• Joseph lost his psychiatrist. And I have no idea why. I just got a letter in the mail one day saying that he had left the practice three days prior – 4 days before our next appointment and in need of medication refills. I don’t know what happened – and I really really really liked him. He made himself accessible with his personal cell phone. He listened to our parents’ intuition. He trusted our instincts and learned we were intelligent.**
• Note ensuing fight to make sure Joseph got his meds in the meantime.
• Joseph got a new psychiatrist. I don’t know about this one. I mean seriously. Vanilla as they come. Asking the wrong questions. Don’t know if he even LOOKED at Joseph’s chart before our first appointment. However – It should be noted that I called him yesterday regarding a medicine change. I was called back within two hours. He listened to my reasoning, thought it was sound, and approved the change. So – there’s hope.**
• Had to replace all 4 tires on our truck. Ka-ching.
• Joseph was injured in summer school. He fell on his shoulder and elbow, and bruised the bone. The good news? He also pinched a nerve so he went numb and therefore didn’t feel the mother of all funny bone injuries. He was in a sling and no PE for a week. Not. Happy.**
• My mother died. I already wrote a post about her death. I’m not sure I’ve dealt with it, so it’ll probably come back up in a year in the form of needing therapy for another two years and another ulcer cropping up. I’ve been too busy helping every.freaking.one.else “deal with their grief.” I don’t think anyone gets it was MY MOTHER.**
• I had to handle all the details of her death. However, it was easier than it might have been. I had forced decisions on them when I saw the writing on the wall, so it was a matter of making it all happen – and being the clear-headed one so all the legalities were taken care of.
• As a result of all of the above, Joseph got kicked out of summer school. Mutual decision – it wasn’t doing him any good.**
• Some nuts and assholes came out of the woodwork after mom’s death. To the point of me having to be hyper-cautious of what I say on Facebook, which is a shame.
• I’ve become my dad’s best friend. Sounds like a positive. In reality, somehow got another kid. I had to stop him yesterday and say, “Stop talking. Listen to the words coming out of my mouth.” I’ve only ever done that with Logan.
• My aunt died. 6 weeks to the day after mom. In another state. Naming my father and me executors to her “estate” (there is no estate). He owns the house, she rented from him. It is the estate that never ends. We’re going in a couple of weeks to finally close out the house completely. Her friends descended like locusts. They even took my uncle’s military decorations. He was a WWII veteran, 20 years after his death my aunt was still living off his military pension – there were lots of decorations. So.Wrong. There was lots of SHE WANTED ME TO HAVE THIS. There were some specific things named in the will that a specific friend was to have. So dad gathered it together. Some of it was furniture so she had someone bring a truck. Dad left to get something to eat, and when he returned, she had taken half the house. There are some things like photographs I asked him to make sure we got. There are some things he wants to make sure I get because we need them, such as a larger bed for Joseph. The locusts kept coming. He finally called me, “What do I do?? I’m so overwhelmed!” I told him to lock the door. Come home. We’re seeing an attorney – and that’s how I became the go-to person in all things “Aunt Maya” including yelling at bill collectors because SHE IS DEAD. THERE IS NO MONEY. Take me to court, bitch. Watch what happens. Right about now, I could use a good fight.
• There’s still a lot of stuff that needs to happen. My dad wants to change his trust. We’re still finishing up with my aunt’s house. And Oh God, taxes are going to be a nightmare this year.
• The kids started school, which comes with its own brand of crazy known by parents around the world.**

**Note: Kids with special needs often don’t react well to change. I’ve got two of ’em.

And somehow through it all – everyone is fed, the house is (semi/non-pigsty) clean, and I worked – even grew – my business.

But I am so.damn.tired.

and i miss my mommy.