Sparks and Butterflies...

But aside from that, she's still completely normal

Let Me Tell You Where to Put Your Benefits Package

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<Vent Incoming>

I’ve never mentioned what company my husband works for. And I won’t now. But I’m heated at them, and so I’m-a-gonna-vent.

We get our health coverage via covered California. Why? Because to put our family on his work’s offering would cost 40% of his take-home pay. Which leaves 60% for things like EVERYTHING ELSE INCLUDING RENT. For example, if I paid you $100, first, you’d have to pay $40 for your medical insurance, and then have $60 for your rent or mortgage, car insurance, gas, utilities, groceries, phone or tv or internet… You get the picture. We’re on a shoestring as it is, so that’s not happening. Our rent is 20% of our pay. In other words, their offering is twice our rent. There’s something wrong there. And this isn’t actually my vent.

ANYWAY. While the medical offering is way out of our league financially, we do get their health insurance, as otherwise we wouldn’t have any, and this year, we signed up for vision. I need to take care of some things eye-related. Those premiums aren’t crazy, but this is the first year I’ve signed up for it. (My husband’s work, but he brings me all the paperwork.)

First of the year comes and goes, and I verify that yes, his payroll has been deducted, but we’ve received nothing on the vision plan. I ask Jay to find out who he has to talk to, because I don’t have a card, or a list of doctor’s or anything to prove we’re signed up. He finds the person and asks me to draft an email for him to send. (He works nights – email is his best bet.)

Email he sent:

“G’morning,

During open enrollment, I signed up my wife and I for Vision coverage. I confirmed that the coverage premium was taken from my paycheck. Will we receive any information on providers, or receive cards, or some such? There’s a need to visit an ophthalmologist, but we don’t know where to go.

Thanks in advance,”

Let me preface this by saying I have worked in HR. I’ve been the person that handles benefits, and signs employees up with the various companies. I’ve been that person you go to when you have a benefits question. So, when I tell you the response is inappropriate – I know what I’m talking about.

HR Division Manager’s Response, in its entirety, minus the signature:

“Did you read through your benefits package?  You have to ask your doctor if they accept our vision plan and they will tell you what’s covered.”

So, Dear HR Manager, actually yes, I did read through the benefits package. Vision got one half of one page, shared with dental, on which it was explained that it’s a ppo with in-network and out-of-network stuff. AND THAT’S IT. I actually know what’s covered and the copays, I just don’t know how to find an in-network doctor, or PROVE I’M COVERED TO THEM. “You have to ask your doctor if they accept our vision plan and they will tell you what’s covered” Is NOT in the package. Did YOU read YOUR benefits package? Doctors are NOT supposed to give me a primer on my coverage, should I need it, YOU ARE. They’re paid to tell me that I’m blind. So – no worries… I’ll fucking find the vision plan’s number myself, go through the run-around of getting them to figure out that why yes, this random Michele Wilcox is a covered member, and ask them to give me a list of available doctors. At the very least, you could have said this as an HR MANAGER (Remember, I’ve done your job): “I’m sorry, but the vision plan works a little differently than other coverage. If you call this number, xxx-xxx-xxxx, or visit this website xxxxxxxx.com, and tell them you’re with ABC Company under Vender Number sl;dkfjsdlfl, they’ll be able to help you find the information you need. Please don’t hesitate to call with any other questions, I’ll be happy to help.”

</vent>

Surgery Nerves

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As I mentioned in a previous post, I have a critter named Ned. I have an update.

Insurance has approved the surgery. I’ll be having a  laparotomy as opposed to a laparoscopy. Meaning, instead of small incisions, using a camera and then removing the critter through a small incision, I’ll be having a fully open abdominal surgery. In my case, it’s warranted, and is the safer option.

I have a pre-op appointment tomorrow, and then my surgery is a week from Friday on May 20th. I’ll be in the hospital 2-4- days. Then full recovery will be 6 weeks. The first 2 weeks at least will be no driving. And a full week off of work. On top of it, it’s the beginning of summer, will be the last week of school, and we’ll have to cancel our first of two trips we planned for the summer.

In other words, the household will be in chaos. I’m upset by this. And I’m nervous. And I’m overwhelmed. But Ned has got to be evicted.

 

I know about the Zebras

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Back in February, I mentioned that I had some tests done.

I eventually received my mammogram results, which were all clear. But I never heard about my pap smears, or about the ultrasound.

I called last week, and asked for my results, and the lady said she call me back. She didn’t.

I called Monday and asked again for my results. This time I was chastised, “We told you to call for your results two weeks later.” Well so sorry. Geez. The pap smear results were clear, which is good, because the last time I had it done, they were abnormal. She said, “Let me talk to the doctor about the ultrasound.”

“This is neither positive or negative, but the doctor wants you to come in so he can give you the report.”

“When?”

“This week.”

So – I’m now in that slightly terrifying place of limbo. On the one hand, I could be dying. On the other, I’m guessing they want to tell me about my two uteruses (already know), my fibroids (already know), and my cysts (already know) — in other words, I know about the zebras, just checking if there’s any unicorns in addition — so I’ll just be out of the copay money for nothing.

So I’m alternating between terrified and annoyed.

Ultrasounds, Mammograms, and why do I always get the newb?

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I mentioned that I went to the doctor, and had some tests that needed to be done. Those were done a couple of days ago.

I had a pelvic ultrasound, and a mammogram.

Because I’m not pregnant, I needed to drink a significant amount of water before the ultrasound. What they neglected to tell me prior, is that when I got to the hospital I would have to do the admitting process first, as if I were checking into the hospital. Which takes TIME. Time in which I still haven’t had my test and needed to pee.

When we finally get into the ultrasound room, they were a bit put out by the fact that Jay was there. Well… This whole thing is a little difficult for me. The not knowing if something is wrong. My bladder (which is always an issue since my second child). And my past victimization have me nervous around things like trans-vaginal ultrasounds (essentially an ultrasound wand goes up into your vagina) because even though I’m there by “choice” it feels like a violation. We know this, and so he came with me for support. I may not show that I’m a nervous wreck, and handle myself well – but I always do better with him there. “Why don’t you sit over there?” “No, thanks. I’m just fine right here.” He was by my head, held my hand, and just unobtrusively stroked my wrist. Sort of a “I’m here, you’re fine, I’m here, you’re fine” mantra message he was sending me. He is awesome, ’cause let’s face it, all this stuff is ALL about the girly bits, which can be a mysterious scary place for a dude.

The whole ultrasound process was a bit of a clusterfuck. First, the lady who first showed us to the room was apparently in training. She says, “I’ll do it first and the someone else will look, okay?” Well, okay. And then stared at me like I was supposed to know what comes next. I just stared back.

Then another lady came in and told me to get on the table, we were apparently going to do the outside before the inside. I told her about my birth defect, and why I was here, which took a little bit. That’s important, because I needed them to look beyond the birth defect — we already know that’s there. And I ask, “Will I be able to pee between the outside and vaginal ultrasounds.” “Yes, but we would have already started if you hadn’t told me that long story.”

Wow! Bitch, much?

I lay down and they do the outside ultrasound. Time to switch. Jay takes my hand to help me up (with my back issues I’m still having, coming straight up is difficult), and the bed goes flying into the ultrasound machine. Apparently, the trainee forgot to put the brake on. Correction — she couldn’t figure out HOW to put the brake on, so she didn’t. Regular lady is not pleased. I go pee, so we can do the vaginal ultrasound. I get back on the bed, now naked from the waist down. They tell me to lay down and I do. Trainee lady comes at me with some cushion thing and stares at me. I stare back. Again. “You sit on this!” It’s a vinyl wedge cushion they apparently wanted me to tilt my pelvis up with. So, Jay helps me do a bridge position so they can slide that in. They do – with the bare vinyl on my bare ass. Regular lady comes in. “I told you before, remember? There is always a sheet between them and the cushion!” I have to do the bridge maneuver again so they can put the wedge under the sheet and me. So, now I’m flat on my back, with a wedge shoving my bits up, and the trainee shoves a clipboard in my face. Apparently I need to sign another release. This time, practically upside down. The regular lady is like, “I think she can wait until after at this point.” So – the vaginal ultrasound gets done. It takes forever, and the lady said not one word at all. None. Zero. Zip. She gets done and tells me my doctor will get the results in a week, and leaves. We’re just sitting there, like “now what?” The trainee lady starts cleaning everything. Around me. Finally she looks at me like – Oh you can dress, sign this first? So I sign, and continue to wait for her to clean so I can dress in some privacy. She was totally clueless.

We move on to the breast center so I can get the mammogram. That place was fine and professional. This was my first one. I can say that it was not painful. A little awkward and uncomfortable, but not painful. However, I would NOT want to do it in the week before my period when I get really sensitive breasts. I bet that would make it an actually painful experience. I kind of wanted say “shut up” to the tech though. I can’t remember how, but the fact that I had just had a pelvic ultrasound came up. Just that. No details. And she replies telling me the whole story of her hysterectomy and how I don’t need to worry about it, it’s an easy process. Woah lady, how did we get from “I had an ultrasound” to “I’m paranoid that their going to cut out my organs?” Then she was annoyed with my hair — apparently it kept getting in the image field. Lady — if you can tame my hair, feel free. I haven’t been able to in 40 years.

Once we left, I was just exhausted.

The doctor was rather non-communitive about what’s going to happen next. I have no idea if I’ll be called about results good or bad. To my knowledge we’re waiting on:

  1. Pap smear for cervix number 1
  2. Pap smear for cervix number 2
  3. Pelvis ultrasound looking for anything abnormal like cysts, fibroids, or other issues with a uterus
  4. Mammogram (but that one was purely standard due to my age – I don’t have any lumps or anything that I know of, just getting a baseline)

So… We’ll see what the future holds.

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