Those feelings…

I’ve been having those feelings again. Feelings of overwhelment (new word, like it?), panic, oppression, malcontent, sad. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling not good enough. Feeling like a bad wife and mother. Feeling insufficient. And this weird overhanging feeling of Something Bad Is Going To Happen.

So how do I stop? Per my agreement with my mother, I have to stop smoking, and I’m going to consult with my doctor about using wellbutrin. That may help overall in addition to the stopping smoking. I have to take my vitamins more regularly. Watch my diet so I don’t feel so sluggish. And probably the most important, go to God. I’ve been slacking off on my devotions and Bible study.

Knowing these things, and doing these things… It’s hard to do when you feel sick, tired, bloated, and depressed.

Oh! I’ve also been sick for two weeks now – that damned cold is a hanger’s on – plus the chaos of Poe’s dental woes, have contributed to the delinquency of this house. That doesn’t help the spirit of peace I need in my home in order to feel in control and calm.

So, what do I need to do?

• Call new doctor’s office tomorrow and make appointment.
• Order the book I’ve heard good things about.
• Make time to do my reading and Bible study at night to wind down, along with prayer.
• Eat right.
• Take vitamins.
• Take St. John’s Wort until I start the wellbutrin (unless I can take both per doctor).
• Excersize – this doesn’t seem to help my mental state, but sometimes knowing I’ve done something “healthy” does… Have yet to experience endorphins.
• Try to scrounge up some money for some clothes that fit and aren’t frayed to try and help my perception of my self image.
• Wear makeup! I know it sounds superficial, but I walk taller when I have makeup on.
• Restart Flylady in order to feel like I’m contributing to peace in my home (already slowly started).

  That’s a big list.