Fast Chat: Managing Mommies, June 19, 2006 issue
In “Get to Work: A Manifesto for Women of the World,” Linda Hirshman, a retired philosophy professor, argues that women should stop wasting their expensive degrees in the nursery. She spoke with Peg Tyre.
Go read the article. I’ll wait.
Okay, so here’s the snippet that REALLY chaps my hide.
You really think stay-at-home moms can’t lead honorable, risk-taking, intellectual lives?
Right. And don’t hit me with those fantastical volunteer jobs. They don’t exist.
I want to be a stay at home mother. Desperately. But, money blahblahblah student loans blahblahblah heart surgery blahblahblah health insurance blahblahblah preclude that at this time. I think both working out/in the home and staying home without working for income are both valuable choices. It just depends on your family situation, your personality, what it is that makes you complete, what your definition of family is, what is fulfilling to you.
Me? I want to be home. Always have.
But don’t you DARE tell me that my life wouldn’t be honorable [what if I’m raising the next president?], risk-taking [bare hands over a gushing head wound requiring plastic surgery – result of a pillow fight], and intellectual [do YOU remember all the planets in order?].
All kidding aside, if my life isn’t honorable, risk-taking, or intellectual – what the hell am I doing raising participants of the next generation?? My life better be that way if I’m going to raise one. Oh Wait! I can only do that if I have a career too! Because it takes a village! I might take work away from the Americans raising my child in daycare!!
Truth? I want to be a stay at home mother. I want to make a caring, fun, intellectual, honorable, risk-taking, loving home for these little humans (and my husband too) for their environment. Always there. For them. I can’t do that right now, and that tears me up.
I suppose that would make me a dishonorable, safe/mundane, inept moron. According to Ms. Hirshman anyway.
And I support you ALL THE WAY in your heart’s desire. It’s just that we happen to live in a hubris-ridden patriarchy that brainwashes its subjects and have done so for far too long. We need to move into a gift economy (do a search for this term) to abolish lack and work and competition, etc. Were we to have a gift economy, adoption would fade into history!
I just did a search, and you’re right. It’s a fascinating concept! I mean – I don’t see society changing. As a whole, our society is just too greedy. However, it would certianly eliminate the possibility of moms NOT raising their kids. What a wonderful thing that would be.
I just found you through BE and omg I totally agree with you. If i choose to stay at home with my children this does not mean that I have no meaning in my life. This lady totally pissed me off when I saw her interviewed on tv. It makes me feel insulted that she would find my life so meaningless. I have an 8 year old and a 17 month old. Two boys. I am pregnant with my third child and hoping for a girl this time… Sorry for rambling on here but if I work or if I choose to make my babies my ‘work’ it is still a very important JOB in my family! We arent paying daycare or trusting a sitter and I have the peace of mind in knowing that my kids are safe in the care of their mother.
Yes, Jess – exactly. I want to ask her child what kind of mother she was in HIS eyes.
I think that in both sides of this debate there are some misguided folks. What they don’t realize is that feminism is about choice. Before women didn’t have the choice to work or stay home, it was made for them. Now, if you want to stay home and can make it work, great! If you want to work, that’s great too. Follow your heart and do what is best.
I also want to stay home eventually to raise and home school our eventual children for a few years. Since we’ll have a home based business, we’ll both be able to take time out to work and take care of the kids, which is certainly nice. I know my parents wished they could spend more time with us, and I don’t want to regret missing half of my kids’ lives.
Hold onto that dream, you just may find a way to make it work. 🙂
Jax – I absolutely agree. And the fact that I want to stay home does not make me less intelligent – or less useful!
I feel incredibly lucky to have been able to stay at home and raise my children. My oldest child is 23 now and I am delighted that so many women are now making the choice I made in the early 80’s. I hope that as time goes on that more women have the economic freedom to choose to be at home if that is where they wish to be. I think that the older feminists may be frustrated because many women are voting with their lives to value their children more than life at the office.It may say something about how these women have observed the lives of their mothers generation.
Faylene – You ARE lucky, and I’m so happy you were able to do that. As for the older feminists, they fought the good fight, in order to bring about gender neutrality – women can do as good (or better – heh) as men, and deserve the same pay, and deserve the choice to work. Absolutely. It seems as if they’re resentful of the fact that some women (if they’re able) are choosing the other choice. To stay home. And for this woman to denegrade that choice (and make me out) as an idiot – paraphrasing – I resent THAT. It’s almost as if they resent that the choice has evolved into something else.