I have a sad story to tell. But first, election results. Hm. I don’t have much to say. I do not think the best man for our current situation won. But what’s done is done, and now we look forward in hopes that things will get better. Deal with the cards you’re dealt, right? I am, however, disappointed in a whole lot of people’s reactions. Whatever happened to being graceful winners and losers? What I’m really mad about, though, is my home state of California. Seriously. I’m having trouble articulating myself here, so please, go read Headless Mom’s post. She says it better.

On to other things.

For about a week, a young cat – not a kitten, but not full grown – was coming to my back door. I keep the screen door closed but the back door open, so it was coming right up to the screen and meowing at me. From my desk, which I’m at most of the day, I look right at that door, and so it could see me. It was a sort of brown striped cat, but I think it might have been grey stripes, like my old cat Bandit, and just really dirty. It wanted love. My other cats did not bring down the roof that we had an intruder – which they normally do with small animals. I went outside and gingerly pet it. I have kids and cats, and didn’t know where she’d been, or how feral she might be. But alas, I did not feed her. Can’t afford more vet bills. I had hopes she had a home nearby and was just dirty from recent outside forays, because in general she seemed well-kept, thin, but not starving, and liked humans. I’m a sucker for animals that come to my door. But potential vet bills (I would have to make sure shots were done, no worms and fleas, no bad kitty diseases to pass on to my other cats, and neutering happened), plus litter box issues (I have no where to put another one, and I feared that one more cat would be too much for the system we have in place), I couldn’t be responsible to take her in. But I talked nice to her, rubbed her belly ’cause she wanted me to, and secretly named her Ringer. She had dark brown distinct rings around her tail, kind of like a raccoon. I didn’t feed her, ’cause I didn’t want her to think this was home, or become dependent for food. She had dark brown distinct rings around her tail.

The next day she was back. She didn’t come to the door this time. I just saw her wandering the back yard taking nips of grasses.

The next day she was back. This time, I had salmon in my hand in the kitchen, and had to call Poe to talk me down. It was like an addict calling a sponsor.

The next night we had blood on our front porch.

The next day she didn’t show up. My father told me in a different topic of discussion that the rats were really bad, so he’d put rat poison out around his place. He lives next door.

The next day she showed up at my back door. Again she was meowing for me. She completely ignored everyone else. She wanted me. She was bleeding from her paw and her chest. Her meow sounded like chirps. This time, damn the money, I was taking her to the vet. I pulled out the carrier. She walked right into the damn thing. I took her to the vet, but they couldn’t see us for an hour. So I took her back home. I fed her some salmon and water. She was hungry, and she loved it. I scratched her head. She was extremely calm and content in the carrier, which had a squishy towel and was all enclosed. I kept her in the backyard til I could take her back to the vet. She was fine in the carrier as long as it wasn’t moving. She hollered a lot when it was though.

In the vet’s office, she yowled unless she could see me. If she could see me she was fine. She was absolutely fine while they weighed her, and while the vet examined her. While I was waiting on the vet, I found a special place behind her ears, and she started purring. Sadly, the vet told me that she had been poisoned about 10 days ago. The reason she wanted me, and kept showing up for me? She’s still young and it was her instinct to find a mommy to take care of her, ’cause she knew something was wrong. He told me we could spend about $1,000, and try and treat her (which we don’t have), but that in his opinion, she was simply too sick to make it. He said that really, the best thing to do at this point, would be to put her to sleep. He said that she would be too far gone once they narrowed down the substance in order to antidote her. He also said that had I not brought her in, she would die in about 2 days, and it would be an excruciatingly painful death. And so, I decided the kindest thing to do would be to put her down. The reality is, I would not be able to raise the funds in time to save her, and he said it was a 90% chance she wouldn’t make it anyway, with treatment. He gave her a sedative, and left me with her to love her to sleep. She snored. As she went to sleep, I talked to her, and scratched her behind the ears. The vet charged me for an office visit, but he’s taking care of all the other costs. So, once she was asleep, he took her away. He said, “I know what you’re trying to do here. I’ll take care of everything else. She found a mommy, and that’s all she wanted. I can tell by my exam that she’s had a really, really hard life.” So. In the end, she got to have salmon for a last meal, she was warm, she had something soft, and someone scratched her ears.

By the end of it, I’d gone through half the doctor’s kleenex, which he slipped me during the exam.

In my family, they always send me to put the animals down at the end. I’m not sure why. But I always go, and sit, and talk, and rub. Everyone should have love at the end. But I always feel as if a little part of my soul was ripped out and ground into dust.

We have two cats. I thought I’d tell you about them, one at a time to lengthen my nablopomo posts so you don’t get overwhelmed.

So the first… Sassy. Here, have some cuteness…

This one. Oy. First off – she loves herself a warm body. Kids go to bed – she’s with one of them. Then one of us goes to bed, so at some point, she can be found in one of our crotches, or wrapped around my head. Then we get up early, so she goes to Joseph. Joseph gets up next, so she moves on to Logan. At which point, he gets up, and she bides her time until I sit to work for the day, so she can claim my lap.

I don’t care if she’s dead to the world, if she hears the food, it takes 1/2 a second for her to show up in the kitchen. Possibly still half asleep. Also, if she’s awake, it doesn’t matter what I’m doing in the kitchen. OBVIOUSLY there must be food involved.

And her most endearing quality… If I start talking in my teacher voice (explaining something to the kids), or speak animatedly (telling Poe a story), or really am mad and venting, she assumes I’m mad or sad. She will do anything in her power to get into my arms in order to bury her head in my neck and hug me. You can tell, she’s just trying to calm me down. “Mommy don’t be sad!” And rest assured, if someone’s sick, she can tell, and she’ll stick by them like glue (with lots of snuggles and head butts) until they feel better.

Her biggest quirk? If we have a cold drink she will find it and lick the outside condensation. She doesn’t want the drink – she wants the outside. She does the same thing to the windows on foggy days, or in the bathroom when the condensation forms on the glass due to the steam. And? She may have the most noxious flatulence in the animal kingdom.