ButtonWillow Asks:
When you have one of those days where your spouse is making you crazy, do you ignore it and just get on with life, or take some sort of action specifically targeted at your marriage?
What would I like to do? Ignore it and just get on with life. The truth though is – there’s usually a reason he’s driving me crazy. One, I’m PMSing, in which case I’ll go off on him. a lot. and by the end of the day have an epiphany of what’s happening and apologize. OR he’s been drinking on the weekend, in which case I’ll go off on him. a lot. and won’t apologize, because I don’t like him when he’s drinking and he knows it.
At any other time, I have to stop and take stock, and usually if it’s not one of the above, he’s doing it on purpose to get a rise out of me. Once I realize it – oh ha ha, very funny – he stops.
If it’s something serious, I usually ignore it for a little while, and think. What’s wrong with this picture? Then I talk to him about it. If he’s pissed at me, that doesn’t necessarilly work, because he tends to use the silent treatment when he’s upset, and won’t talk to me. He eventually comes around.
All in all it works out. My only tried and true advice for others?
- Don’t go to bed angry. Unresolved, maybe, but truce in place.
- No kitchen sink fighting.
- No name calling. Cursing may be involved, but no name calling.
Let me elaborate… No one has slept on the couch out of anger. Other situations have called for it – kids sick, or whatnot, but not due to a fight. I try not to bring anything out from previous situations that don’t apply to the current situation, just because I’m mad. And I don’t call him names. I can’t take that back. And thinking about it from the other perspective, if he called me a fucking ho, for example, I may have to hurt him. Soundly. In the face. Therefore, I don’t use names on him either.
So far, 8 years, still counting. It’s worked for us.
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