…my dear sweet weird husband decided that it would be a good time to pull a practical joke. Yeah. Oh and I was REALLY pregnant.
I didn’t pass my glucose test, so I was getting ready for the torture that is the three hour. You know, fast from 8pm on the day before. Go in in the morning and drink that obnoxious stuff, and then get tested every hour for three hours. One: I got to have morning sickness throughout my pregnancy. The only thing that helped was food. Fasting sucks. Two: It turns out that yes, indeed, I was diabetic, so the whole fasting, and then sugar drink made me almost pass out. I had the shakes. I couldn’t focus. I was sweating.
So, I’m waiting for Poe to get back from the store, so that we can go on and get to the doctor. He comes in, and sits me down. He says, “OK, so I did something and I don’t want you to be mad.” “Okay.” So I went to the store, and there was this chick. I think she might be a hooker. And she has like, no clothes on. And it’s too cold for that (this was in February.)” “Okay.” “So she’s in the car.” “You picked up a naked hooker?” “Well. Yeah. I guess I did.” I thought maybe we could give her a jacket and a ride before we go.”
You know what? I wasn’t mad. I was feeling awful, and just wanted to get to the doctor and get this awful thing over with so I could eat and then pass out.
So I said, “No.” “What do you mean, no?” “Look, take her one of my jackets, but we’re not giving her a ride until after the doctor. In fact, take her with us. She’ll be warm. But we’re going to the doctor. Now.” “But…” “NOW.”
So I waddle walk to the car. And sitting in the back seat – in a seatbelt no less – is the biggest stuffed gorilla I’ve ever seen. With a bow in her hair, no less.
We kept that stupid thing for years.
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