Cross-Posted at Special Needs Parent as well
Do you ever just get really really tired? Tired of it all? Tired of the drama… Tired of being the “responsible adult…” or the “responsible parent…” Tired of dealing with all the kids issues, and having to be on top of it all, and realizing at a certain point…
My God will it never end?
And it won’t.
And I’m feeling it today.
So, my youngest son, Logan (he would be the one with the heart issues) is going to be held back in Kindergarten next year. He’s just not keeping up.
Bad news – He’s being held back.
Good news – He’s being held back.
On the one hand – developmentally speaking – he’s very very young. That’s just because of his heart issues… Smart as a whip – but more like a 4 year old (physically and mentally) than a 5 year old. Smallest in his class. As his teacher put it, there are no learning issues, there are no psychological or behavioral issues. He, quite simply, needs the gift of time.
On the other hand – he’s made friends. And now the kids, in school, will be three years apart instead of two.
And this was the one that I thought we’d have no school problems with – at least until it was time for his surgery.
I’m just…
I don’t know. I’m sad. I’m sad that he’s got extra issues too.
I’m sad – and actually crying – this is endless. Day after day. One thing after another. Constant issues. If it’s not their emotional issues, it’s behavioral, or learning, or too slow, or too young, or too small, or “not accomplishing his potential.” I’m so so tired.
I’m just sick of it all. Please excuse the rant. It might be a sleep factor – Logan’s been getting into bed with us -favorite position: on my head. And the wind kicked up around here, which wakes me with slamming things outside, and I’m not getting good sleep. I usually don’t physically cry about this stuff – I just do what needs to be done. Period. That’s my function as their mother, to make sure they have the best care, for the best reasons, with the best results, for their best future, whatever that looks like individually for each of them. I usually don’t get emotional about it. So. Thank you for listening and letting me rant.
I’m sorry things are so rough- that’s hard, keeping him behind, and wondering about what he might be missing. Especially having a new friend. 🙁
I was at that parent meeting last week, and it was one of those moments where I started tearing up. Why does my child have special needs? Why do I have to be so worried about where he goes to school, and when he goes there? Why can’t things be easy?! (I spoke to his teacher the other day, and he’s just not ready for kindergarten. Even if he made the cut off date. It’s hard).
You know? It seems to come in cycles.
I’ve felt this way many times myself…it seems to be never ending some days…like all I ever do is fight – for doctors appointments, for school, for behaviors, for things that seem basic to me to become basic to my girls…
But every time, just when I feel I might break…something happens. A language explosion, a peaceful day, something…and suddenly everything seems right again…
Until the next battle.
We’ve all felt this way at one point or another…and when they’re at the worst I just try to remember – “If it weren’t for the bad, how could we ever see the good?”