Last night, I had a dream. That dream finally woke me up around 3am, and I was up after until about 4am.
I’m pissed off about it.
In it, I was attending (and helping) at my ex-fiance’s wedding. In real life, I was not invited, nor would I have attended his wedding to the chick he cheated on me with. But there I was, being my helpful self in my dream. The truth is, my relationship with him is a part of my serious downfall into the rabbit hole in my early twenties. Part my fault, very largely his fault. I won’t go into all the details, as there are some portions of it I don’t want to rehash.
I was up rehashing our relationship in my head, basically ranting at him about the 3 things that ruined our relationship, and ruined me for the better part of two years. We were together for 5 years, and then it took me 2 years to get over and through the fall out.
This all happened about 15 years ago! I thought I was over it. I think I am. But I really hate when memories come back to haunt you and bite you in the ass at the same time. It’s over. It’s done. I’m in a healthy, stable, loving marriage. I would just like to tell the past to stay the hell in the past and let me live my life.
Oh! I’m sorry. I hate it when that happens, and it’s ALWAYS at 3 am!? There I am telling myself, it’s ok, and trying to make myself forgive myself for whatever part in the insanity was MY responsibility and letting go of the rest… and at 3 am that’s so hard to do sometimes. Sweet dreams tonight, though, ‘kay?