The Heavy

I don’t really want to go all heavy right now, with BlogHer prep and anticipation at it’s peak.  ‘Cause it is for me too!  I’m excited, and anxious, and anticipatory – and quite frankly need to get away.

But.

But.  I’m waiting.  You see, in a few days we’ll find out what, if anything, is causing my mother to jerk uncontrollably.  She had two tests, a cat scan/MRI, and an EEG.  We’re waiting on those results.  In the first, the tech asked her, while he was scanning her, “And does your doctor think you have a brain tumor?”  And during the EEG, “I don’t like the looks of this.”

And so we wait.

I’ve talked to Poe.  Whatever the results are, I’m going to BlogHer.  Good?  Great I’ll get the break I need.  Bad?  I’ll need the last harrah for myself.

I realize it seems morbid.  But when you’re part of the sandwich generation – you have to think morbid.  My mother has almost died 4 times in the last two years, and in the midst of that, two years ago, my biological mother died.  3 years ago, my brother committed suicide.  These are the facts of life folks – death is a fact of life.  I live next door to my two elderly parents.  I wait to find out if one of them is dying.

If she is – there are going to be big changes around here.  Like I said, I’ve already talked to Poe – and we have some plans in place in the case that she’s terminal.  If she’s not, huzzah and we move on with our life as it was.  If not?  Well, I’ve got a whole family, including an 8 year old, and 6 year old, who see grandma everyday, and it’s my role as daughter, wife, and mother, to see them through it.

So – I wait.

I just needed to get this out.