Sparks and Butterflies...

But aside from that, she's still completely normal

Reason for the Quiet

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I know I’ve been quiet.  Very very quiet.

Why?

I’ve been thinking.  Debating.  Arguing.  Arguing with God.  More debating.  More thinking.

It’s no secret that I want to come home, that I think my calling is in the home, and that I’ve really had a hard time not being able to fulfill what I think I should be doing.

Today?  I quit my job.  Actually, I put in notice – my last day will be late November.  My hopes are that we’ll be able to train someone to replace me in that time (the wheels of HR move very slowly.)

I’m exhilarated and terrified and my head is pounding and I’m nervous, scared, anxious, what if…  what if… what if…  but know…  The deep down know…  that I’m doing what’s right for me and my family.  I’ve told my boss.  HR has been contacted.

I will be doing freelance projects and stuff.  From home (HA!), which will hopefully gear up in earnest in January.

Wow.

But the reason for the quiet was the internal debate and questioning.  I had to go inward for a bit to determine what I needed to do, what God wanted me to do, and what my family needed for me to do, and how to then make that all work together both mentally and financially.

The most immediate benefit though?  Spending more than an hour a day with my children.

Mothering fail

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I’m home with the kids today – took an extra day off so I wouldn’t have to go right to work.  Kids are outside.  I see my oldest…  Riding his bike, with no training wheels.  Well.

I’m a failure as a mother.

My oldest can ride a two-wheeler.  Nobody thought that I would like to know.  This is what I miss coming home at 7pm every night.

My Pain in the Neck

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Logan - July 08

The evidence that Logan, is indeed, a pain in the neck.  I took this yesterday morning, while it was still dark.  The flash didn’t make him even stir.  That, right there, is MY side of the bed.  The pillow on the floor to the side is mine.  It goes, you know, where his feet are.  Clearly, at some point, this was preferable to his own bed.

Happy Birthday, Logan

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I’m not sure what to say to you on your 6th birthday… You’re quite a character.

Everything you like… “It’s my Favorite!” Even if you said that about something else not a minute prior.

You’re giving. You’re loving. You’re sneaky… Stop sneaking into your brother’s room to steal his toys in the night, son! And what’s with eating the Splenda? You’re so very smart. You’re cute, and funny, and kind.

When they took you away when you were a day old and put you in the NICU, I didn’t know if you would live through the night. I knew nothing. But Oh, son.

You’re a joy and a terror. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Now, please stop getting up before 6am.

logan

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Conversations

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It’s no secret that we’re a Christian family. So – discussions about God come up on a regular basis.

This stemmed from a conversation in which Joseph wanted to know how many times he’d been in the hospital, in the car, on the way to school, with one small measly cup of coffee in me.

Joseph: So – everyone’s been in the hospital at least once right? When they were born!

Me: Well, no. Some people are born at home.

Joseph: So – they might have NEVER been in the hospital.

Me: Right.

Logan: Well – God was in the hospital when he was a kid.

Me: No, ’cause God was never a kid. He has always been the way He is. Now, Jesus, His Son was a kid once.

Logan: So he was in the hospital?

Me: Well, no, they didn’t have hospitals back then.

Joseph: Well, I guess he’s REALLY REALLY old now.

Me: Well, no. The way it works is, He died for our sins when he was about my age. He died, resurrected, and now lives at the right hand of His father, God.

Joseph: Well, then whoever’s on His left hand is a bad guy, right?

Me: Um. No. I don’t think it works that way.

Logan: Oh look! Something shiny.

Why can’t they have questions when I have the brain capacity to give thoughtful answers? Dude. I’m so not cut out to teach them theology.

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