But aside from that, she's still completely normal
The boys are growing up a little. Puberty feels just around the corner.
Logan loves for gel to be in his hair, and for his dad to “do” it. Straight up and spiky preferred. His hair takes longer than mine does.
Joseph went to school with cologne on. He came home and said he was never ever doing it again. He got too much attention.
Ahhhh… my son, there will come a time.
I have this little nightlight in the bathroom Poe gave me as a little Mother’s Day Gift. It’s a silver sun with a little blue drop crystal over the light. Pretty. Sparkly. Very me – hence the gift.
I was cleaning up today, and noticed that the crystal was just sort of there – leaning on the light instead of hanging. I took it, figuring maybe a cat brushed too hard against it and broke the metal groove it hung on. It was sitting on the table and Logan saw it, he said, “I don’t want to be sneaky anymore. I know how that broke. Joseph did it.” In other words, we’ve been on him about being sneaky, and he figured he’d get brownie points by ratting out his brother.
I called in Joseph and asked if he knew how it broke. Tears ensue, but he didn’t lie. He wanted to crystal for a necklace. He’s a bit of a horder and collector. Frankly, Logan’s room looks like a monastery room, whereas Joseph’s room looks like he’s already lived two decades, and all the stuff one might collect therein. Logan’s not a collector. Anyway – Joseph has trouble not taking something that’s not his, but he’s been making a lot of progress lately and put it back as best he could, “because it was wrong to take it.”
So. I make jewelry. Did you know that? I don’t sell it or anything, ’cause I don’t think I’m good enough at it, and don’t have the money to buy true good quality findings. But, I do have some stuff on hand that I make for myself. I had Joseph sit there while I fixed the nightlight. And then had him pick some beads and I made him a “manly” necklace.
Basically, I wanted him to know that wanting nice things that strike your eye is fine – it’s HOW you get it that matters.
Did I make a parenting mistake in making him a necklace? I don’t know if I taught the right lesson. That’s not rhetorical – I really want to know.
Really quick so I can get it in at 8 –
I just spent the last half hour trying to explain why Bleach, a show on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim, is inappropriate for my oldest son.
I had to use the words 9 year old, cartoon, and panties in the same sentence. That should never happen.
Considering I grew up with the Smurfs, I understand why my 77 year old mother doesn’t get it, but sheesh! I’m trying to do blogathon here. And with THAT – I’m grabbing my dinner.
Rather than go through the whole spiel, I’m going to copy an email with identifiers edited. Suffice it to say that we have been dealing with this issue for MONTHS. In those months, poor Joseph has been going downhill. And it might not have been necessary.
from: Michele {email}
to Dr. Therapist {email}
cc Poe {email}, Dr. District
date Thu, Jun 11, 2009 at 11:49 AM
subject Regarding Joseph {last name}Hi Dr. Therapist,
Please feel free to forward this email to any administrative personnel who handle such things. I’ve also CC’d my husband and Dr. District with our school district.
I write, in all honesty, with some frustration. Skipping details, the point is that everyone involved in Joseph’s case felt that consulting with a psychiatrist, and investigating if medication for anxiety (or anything else) might be appropriate at this stage for Joseph. When the subject was broached, in was basically shut down by {Big Therapy Center}, because it wasn’t part of his plan. So Dr. District went ahead and requested that his {State Treatment Plan} be officially evaluated to add this to his program.
Today, we met with Dr. Big State. She was his initial evaluator in 2007. We went through his case updating it from 2007. She was confused as to why she called upon to do this. Why? Because psychiatric care and medication prescription is already a part of his plan.
{Big Therapy Center} has his {State Treatment Plan} plan. Twice actually, once when he initially started treatment there, and I sent another copy when it was somehow lost. You’ll see his recommendations on pages 7 and 8.
“The Department of Mental Health finds that Joseph {last name} qualifies for mental health services under {State Treatment Plan}. {Various treatment recommendations redacted.} , medication evaluation and follow-up by a psychiatrist if medications are prescribed.”
Dr. Big State is going to write an addendum and say the exact same thing. “Yep, you’re qualified… and already were.” She went further on to say that this is the standard wording, and is ALWAYS included, unless the individual does not qualify for {State Treatment Plan} in the first place.
So. When can we make an appointment with the psychiatrist?
–Michele
Mother of Joseph {last name}
My anger is frothing.
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Red tape sucks. Bureaucracy sucks. Add special needs, parents, and other acronyms like IEP and AB3632 to the mix, and it’s frankly mind boggling. Perturbing. Chap burning.
Joseph’s therapist came to see Poe and I. At our house. Sans Joseph. May I repeat – HOUSE CALL. Which is exactly what she should have done. There was some miscommunication in terms of Joseph’s care – instructions that left Poe and I’s cartoon characters with little “WTF?!” over our heads. She needed to clean up the mess. I understand everything much better now. Let me correct that statement. I knew EXACTLY what was going on, and I just had it confirmed.
M.O.N.E.Y. Speaks volumes when comparing, “Of course we’ll get you in for a consult” and, “We no longer meet the standard of care for this patient.”
Standard of care my ass.
BUT. Once I usher along the people who need to take care of proper paperwork, we’ll be all set, I think. This is a good thing. Advocating works again.
This therapist doesn’t usually deal with me. She usually deals with Poe on a weekly basis. She got to be exposed to mama bear. The mama bear who knows her paperwork. It was a good thing. Most of the families she works with don’t have mama bears on the cubs’ side – so she was a little taken aback by me. On the one hand, I’m glad she was honest with me, and transparent. On the other hand, what a sad, sad statement on society that me, fighting for rights, privileges, and solid medical help for her son’s mental health is an ANOMALY. My advocating for my son is ABNORMAL.
I can see an uneducated or ignorant mother having issues communicating concerns. But “Help my son or I’ll keep coming at you until you do” is pretty much the same in any vernacular. So, me saying, “According to Joseph’s AB3632 this, this, and this service is required of you by the state of California. It has been properly documented by the Department of Mental Health. It has been cataloged in his IEP. When can we schedule it? Oh, really? Here call this, this, and this person, and then call me back. And if you don’t, I WILL call YOU.” Is the EXACT SAME THING AS “My son needs help, please help him.” SO. The fact that most of the mothers in this particular county do not say that? Floors me. So it’s not a lack of education. It’s a lack of caring. That scares me. I haven’t even gone into all of Joseph’s issues. But you know a lot of them. And a child going through that without a parent fighting for him? That crushes me. Poe told me today that when he goes in for therapy for Joseph, he’s the only parent there. In other words, getting out of the car, into the building, finding the receptionist, checking in, and then waiting for doctor to come get him. Children. Mental health care. ALONE.
I think I’m being judgmental. But I can’t help it. God knows I’m not the most maternal of mothers out there. I’m likely to kick you in the ass if you’re in trouble – not hug you. I’ll probably tell you to shut up so I can take your temperature properly. And you’ll drink those darn fluids when you’re sick if I have to plug your nose to get you to do it. Poe is the same way. But by God those kids know they’re loved (whether they like it or not), have proper clothes, supervision, shelter, education, and medical care. That includes staying with them unless they are properly in the care of another adult. NOT the receptionist. That includes making sure they get the care (and ongoing aftercare) they deserve to grow into functional, vibrant adults. That includes talking to their therapist and making sure they’re on track, and if not the next course of action. That includes taking steps to ensure that something happens if it’s not.
Ugh. Appears I hit a bit of a rant today. But when I find out that by being a proactive parent with my kids’ MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL I’m an oddity? That makes me angry on all those other kids’ behalf.
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