Sparks and Butterflies...

But aside from that, she's still completely normal

Community – I Don’t Wanna

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I told you that we’re trying to be more prepared around here in the event of an emergency. Part of the planning of that includes creating community.

Think about it. Most of my friends are online. Either they’re my online friends, made while blogging. Or they’re old friends, and we connect online. But honestly? Only one lives nearby – even she is 1/2 hour away. I’m not so much “antisocial” as much as I am very solitary. I enjoy my solitude. And my life has shown me that relationships are messy (duh). Messy usually ends up very painful for me, and so I choose to withdraw. My husband and I both like to just be alone or with each other. I hate hate hate crowds as well. Joseph has social phobia, and so I got a special needs pass so he could enjoy Disneyland – and it was THE BEST TRIP I ever took there. So, he comes by it honestly. OK, now what if an emergency happens?

My friends are online. 99% of them are in another state. So – they can’t really help. In addition, there are a whole host of emergencies that will take out the electricity. No electricity, here, means no internet. I do have an old rotary phone, just in case, so my phone (a cordless with answering machine) isn’t dependent on electricity, but what if the phones go out? What if it’s extended? What if you need help? What if you need to gather for safety in numbers due to looting? Enter the need for local community.

I found some “Prepper” groups on Meetup.com. I’m going the Saturday after Thanksgiving for a meet and greet for coffee. These groups basically provide training on various things that people are experts at, and provide a local community. I’m dreading this meeting, but it is necessary if we’re serious. I’m just going to have to get over this – my own insecurities.

I know it sounds ridiculous all this prepping talk. But watching the world today… It just seems prudent. All these earthquakes in places that don’t have them, make me dread the next one in California. Strange weather. My area was flooding just this last weekend. Fires – of course. And the socio-political-economic climate seems to be on a razor’s edge that could go either way.

I know I sound crazy. But it’s my gut – And I have to listen to my gut. Which means leaving my comfort zone. I don’t wanna, but I gotta.

Grossed Out

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In our house, I very strongly believe that Poe has certain jobs, and I have others. Namely, Poe gets the gross jobs and I get everything else. When he complains, I ask if he would like to figure out the kids’ health insurance this year? Or perhaps he’d like the job of coming up with the car insurance payment. Or – I know – Would he like to fight with the state about Joseph’s classification? That would be fun! I could make him do the kids’ laundry. (He’s totally creeped out by small clothes. Hold up a small sock and he shudders. “They’re like doll clothes!” Yeah. That’s my big strong former Marine man.)

And then he shuts up about the gross stuff.

This morning, however, Poe was still at work. I saw that a slug of some kind had found its way into the office, and then apparently did laps. It was a full on slug derby. How in the world do I clean up slug trails from the carpet? But I didn’t see the perpetrator. He finally showed himself about an hour later. He was thrown outside.  He had antennae/horns, and was really long and skinny. I threw him outside. I hate creepy crawlies. But – If they’re outside? That’s their house and I leave them alone (except for poisonous things like black widows, which we have). But inside is MY house. Ew.

In looking at my carpet he was at it a really long time, just slugging along while I was sleeping. ::shudder::

My point is that sometimes I have to do Poe’s job too. I feel very indignant at the moment. I probably just need more coffee before he gets home.

Poe is the Center of the Universe

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So, today is Sunday. In addition, DST is ending. So, I woke up early, of course. I noticed something interesting. Everyone was up, but Poe wasn’t home yet (because he had to work an extra hour due to DST). No one wanted to do anything. I was hesitating on the coffee, the kids didn’t want me to make their breakfast. The whole house was on “pause” until Poe got home.

In addition, when Poe got home – and was practically attacked by his family – he let me know that tonight he has to work 12 hours. This has a trickle down effect. Due to when he needs to sleep now, I don’t get to go to therapy. I won’t be grocery shopping (I NEVER go with both kids). I’ll be handling the night time stuff (that’s Poe’s thing). We won’t be eating dinner together. It just messes everything all up.

Seriously, I’ve now realized that the universe revolves around Poe. He’s surprisingly OK with this.

Ok, that’s not surprising at all.

A Typical Friday

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It’s been a long time since I did one of these. Thought I ‘d give another go. Most of this would be terrible boring to most – but it’s my journal, which I print out for posterity, and I think these snippets of real life are important to record as so much changes over the course of our lives.

6:00am

Alarm goes off. I normally hit “snooze” a couple times first, but I was in the midst of a nightmare I’d rather not revisit, so I got up. Took note that one of the kids were in the bathroom at some point, and left the light on. Wonder if anyone’s sick? I hope not.

6:00am-6:30am

Restroom. Coffee. Check headlines, emails, calendar/to-do list for the day, weather, bank account. Research and purchase a special Christmas present for Poe. All of $25, but will have significant sentimental value 🙂

6:30am-6:40am

Wake Joseph up. Feed him his breakfast of choice. Coco Puffs. I can’t decide if I’m a terrible mom or a rockin’ one. Give him his vitamins. Give him the rundown of the day (take your shower, brush your teeth, shampoo your hair, wash – with soap!, get dressed, clean your room). Let me know weather and what to wear. If I don’t do that the kids wear shorts in the rain and sweatshirts in 90 degree weather. Set up the shower, toothbrush, and toothpaste. Our shower’s water handles are particularly difficult to turn. And if I don’t do their toothbrush, I cannot guarantee that toothpaste is in actuality involved. Trust me.

6:40am-7:00am

Finish off the websites I started reading. Start reading my feeds.

7:00am-7:10am

Wake up Logan. Follow the same process as Joseph, except he takes his showers at night. Put lunch money in both backpacks, as Poe forgot to the night before.

7:20am

Unlock the front door (we lock up and hide the keys due to Joseph’s sleepwalking/running issues). Wait for Joseph’s cab. Argue with Logan about jacket he should take. Argue with Joseph about the mask he wants to wear to school. Send Joseph off to school. Welcome Poe home from work.

7:30am

Argue with Logan. No Joseph does not have the remote control hidden in his room. Oh Look! It’s on the couch. You looked SO.HARD.

7:35am-7:50am

Continue to read my feeds/drinking my coffee while waiting for time to take Logan to school. Chat with Poe about his day night.

7:50am-8:00am

Drive Logan to school. Listen to him chat on and on (he’s my “talker”) about our newly formed compost pile, the differences in the clouds in the sky, and more. Come home rather nervously as I fishtailed a couple of times. The ground is wet from the rain we had this morning, and due to a terrible driving in the rain accident years ago, I’m a very nervous wet-weather driver.

8:00am-9:55am

Started this post. Kissed Poe Goodnight Goodday Goodnight. Finished off my feed reading. Set my phone alarm for school pickup (I’m always afraid I’ll lose track of time and forget the poor kid). Started work for client A. Listen to some radio/youtube/music while I work (this happens all day in the background). Started work for client B. Switch to client A. Switch back to client B. Have a quick breather on work, so I check my feeds for updates to kill time, as I have something I have to do for client A in a few minutes. Back to client A.

9:55am-10:25am

Take a break from working… Take a shower and get dressed. Used the scrub I use twice a week due to acne. I have burgeoning wrinkles, and definite white hair coming in. Neither of which bothers me at age 36. I have seriously earned them. The acne, however? Is insulting. Have to use lotion today, too. The weather is causing extreme itchiness and painful dryness. Hate lotion, so I hate that. Note, too, that due to the weather I have a bad hair day. I decide to just go all out on my frumpy/grumpy and wear sweats. Also hang up the bathmat and straighten the towels so they, you know, dry. Because I am the only individual in this house who apparently has the capacity to do so.

10:25am-10:40am

Laundry time. Fold/put away the dries (darks), and put in a new load (whites/lights). Make another cup of coffee. My third and final. Decide on dinner, and defrost as necessary. BBQ chicken breasts, corn on the cob, and beans.

10:40am-10:55am

Put away the clean dishes. Clean up the kitchen a bit. Remind myself for the billionth time that the bulb over the sink is out. Reheat the coffee I forgot about. Walk through the house and do a pick-up. Curse the fact that I can’t vacuum, yet, as planned (Poe’s still sleeping). Take a walk outside and make sure nothing is out of whack or damaged. It rained REALLY hard – and I think there was hail – this morning. Nothing’s damaged, but note to myself for the billionth time the bulb in the backyard is out. Do my devotions – the contents of which are private.

10:55am-11:50am.

Check feeds for updates. I know it seems like I do that a lot, but there’s a couple of situations I’m keeping an eye on. Plus – if I don’t? They start stacking up and causing me to do mass “mark-as-read.” I don’t like to do that. Sassy (one of our cats) knows my routines… She’s decided now’s a good time to get on my lap – I might be here a while. She only loves me when it’s cold outside. Check my email to keep it in control, and see if there’s more work to do… and back to work on client B.

11:50am-12:15pm

Switched the wet laundry to the dryer (oh MY! What a glamorous life I lead). Take my compost from yesterday out to the heap before it rains again (because of course, I would melt), and research what out of tonight’s dinner can be added (I’m still learning about this process).

12:15pm-12:40pm

Feeds and emails again! A bit on client B, and some research on this new gardening project we’re working on as a family.

12:40pm-1:00pm

Did 15 minutes of “real” cleaning. I hate cleaning. So I devised a system. I do a quick vacuum and sweep once a week, a quick feather dust once a week, dishes and one load of laundry daily, and then 15 minutes of “deep” cleaning in a room each day until that room’s done and I move on to the next. Ooooo! – Raining again, and thunder this time.

1:00pm-1:30pm

Purchase another week of freeze dried food (for our emergency/earthquake/zombie apocalypse stash) since I have a smidge of extra money this week from a check I got from a client. Dangnabbit – I forgot to eat again! Too late now, going to have to pick up Logan soon. Do a little bit more emergency planning research. It’s a little overwhelming but I’m starting to absorb in little bits. Cleanup some of my bookmarks while I wait for the time to pick up Logan. I’ve almost closed up shop on work for the day – slow day today, apparently. Poe is awake!

1:30pm-2:10pm

Left to pick up Logan from school – needed to get out the winter coat for the first time due to the weather. He get’s out on Friday’s at 1:55pm and we live 2 minutes from the school by car, so yes, I sit in the carline. It’s just so much easier to be there early and wait, then to wait in the stop/go/stop/go/don’t hit that Kid!/don’t hit the idiot adult! line. Sit there and read in the rain, while dry and ensconced in my car. Honestly it’s the only time I have to read. Logan gets in and clicked, and away we go. Logan chatters all the way home about how it’s sunny AND raining at the same time! I love how his child-enthusiasm hasn’t let up one iota through age, yet. Get home, unpack/dejacket, snack, and he gets an hour on the xbox before it’s time for his night at the grandparents. I whip up some of my crystal lite (I don’t care for plain water, so this is my compromise for getting more water into me). And – I turn on the heater for the first time this season. I know, I live in southern California, but it’s also storming out. We’re to have a low of 44 tonight, which is unusual for this time of year.

2:10pm-2:45pm

Another feed read and email check session. By the way – go read this, “What Makes a ‘Good Mother.'” AWESOME post. Love Carmen. Yes, yes, and yes. I commented there – but I’ll tell you here what I said. Instead of asking ourselves or others what makes a “good” mother, we should ask what makes a “human” mother. I declare myself a Human Mother. Finished up my paid work for the day and submitted my time.

2:45pm-3:10pm

Worked on the school newspaper for Logan’s school. It’s one thing I can do from home, and contribute to the school, without having to deal a whole lot with other people. I don’t play well with others. Takes a good many hours throughout the year – so I feel like I actually do something for them. Oh, and Darnit! Make a mental note to myself to make more bread tomorrow. We’re out, and it’s too late to do it, as baking the bread/rising dough will interfere with dinner, ’cause I’m using the oven tonight. Planning fail. Welcome Joseph home and get him his snack. Send Logan off to the grandparents.

3:10pm-3:40pm

Changes to dinner. Pasta instead of beans, and I’m trying to find an easy biscuit recipe with the stuff I have on hand to go with. Apparently the rain brings out starchy cravings.

3:40pm-5:40pm

Decide that I’m making this dinner entirely more complicated than it needs to be but move ahead with it anyway. Prep dry ingredients for biscuits, prep corn, and decide I might can pull off making those loaves of bread, too, while I’m at it. Apparently cold = domesticity. Anywho… Cooked dinner ate it. Burned the hell out of my thumb. Joseph liked everything. It’s a miracle. (No, really. It’s a miracle.)

5:40pm-5:55pm

Taking a break for perusing feeds and bookmarks.

5:55pm-7:15pm

Make two loaves of bread that can sit overnight in the fridge for baking tomorrow. Misjudge my mixer and flour and judiciously flour my kitchen. Clean up baking and dinner dishes, pots and pans, and wipe down kitchen. Take another full bowl out to the pile. Set some stuff to soak. Poe goes down for his nighttime nap. Run the dishwasher. Pack up Poe’s lunch/drinks for tonight in his cooler. Set the coffee for tomorrow. Put my cell on the charger. Grab anything I think I’ll need for the evening. Change into pajamas. Take ibuprofen for a seriously aching knee. I think it’s the rain. Put salve on my thumb.

7:15pm-10:15pm

Watch some youtube videos and read some websites on some interests and research I’m doing. This whole time Joseph’s playing the xbox as much as he wants. It’s his only night without video game limits.

10:15pm-11pm

I am exhausted. But it feels wrong to go to bed before Poe goes to work, and Joseph gets to stay up late (Friday). Poe gets up, gives Joseph his meds, and puts him to bed. He gets some caffeine in him, and gets dressed and is off to work. Every.single.night. I say, “Iloveyoupleasebecareful.” It’s a mantra. If I don’t get to say it for some reason I will call him on his cell. At his jobsite he has already been attached by a drunk (Poe flipped him over his shoulder, cuffed him, and sat on him until the police got there), witnessed a prostitute get seriously in trouble and beat-down from her pimp, and witnessed a stabbing. I must say my mantra to keep him safe (I didn’t say I was logical or reasonable. And I’m tired.). He leaves, and I go to bed.

That’s my normal Friday. Add crises, mix well, and another version will come out.

 

 

Wild Wonders of the Momma Bear

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I hate the fact that I have to be a momma bear. But hey, what can I say? If I don’t advocate for my kids – who will?

Joseph is on something through the state called AB3632. What that basically means is that the state recognizes that my kid needs more help than an IEP can give him, and so the state pays for his therapy (a certain amount of hours). A lot goes into the decisions as to what’s in the programs. What I mean by that is, it’s not rubber-stamped.

Every other year a social worker and Psychologist come in and have meetings with Joseph and us to determine if he still qualifies. They will also meet with his teachers, psychiatrist, and therapists, all separately. So far, they’ve never denied him the program. Then, every six months or so, his teachers, his therapists, the principal, and the lead of the special school he’s in meet with us and we hack through his IEP. Everything from his education, his testing, how he’s doing, goals – progress and new ones, down to specifically how many hours a month he needs in therapy. I used to just HATE those meetings, but that’s changed since we switched to the new school. Instead of feeling like I have to fight for crumbs, me against them, I actually feel like a member of the team. And then of course, conferences and meetings as needed. If stuff comes up for him that puts him in crises, that usually falls under the therapists. We’ve had several crises moments, and his therapists were there for us and him on the phone on a weekend.

These are things he needs. Our goal is for him to be able to be an able bodied, independent adult, who can hold a job and live on his own.

Well, now, it turns out that his therapy center might not have AB3632 funding any more after the first of the year. You can imagine the conversations I’ve been having. Serious.Momma.Bear. Especially when the therapy center decided to just stop anyway – you know, since we probably won’t have any funding later. Seeya.

Excuse me?

Yeah. No. You don’t get to slough us off without creating a plan with us, and assisting us with finding the people who DO have the funding. My son is on prescription meds someone at YOUR center prescribes. Your center provides HALF of his therapy hours that everyone agrees he needs. You don’t get to make us go away ’cause it’s more convenient while you wait to see what the state does with the program. Because you still DO have funding.

Ahem. He still has his therapy. He still has his Psych. (meds). It just took 3 separate intense conversations with the supervisor at the center during which I made her realize I don’t do what others tell me to, and I don’t go away because it’s convenient for them. I also don’t play well with others.

I understand the funding issues. We have to wait on the state for that. You just don’t throw the literal baby (MY BABY) out with the bathwater. He’s not a “case,” “Case Number,” or “statistic.” He’s Joseph. He has a mother named Michele. And she will damn well make sure you know it.

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