So, I haven’t read the book – Don’t even know exactly what the title is – but I understand the basic concept…  People have ways that they accept love as love, and everyone is different.  Perhaps it’s works, or in other words, when people do things for you.  Perhaps it’s affirmations, like being told they’re wonderful.  Etc.  When those things happen, whatever they are, that person feels loved.  Oftentimes, people will act out in the ways they feel loved.  Sort of doing how they want to be treated.  The trick is, learning what the other person’s language IS, so you can make THEM feel loved instead of acting out how YOU feel loved.

We have a basic rule in our house, both with parenting, and with household tasks.  Butt out.  In other words, if I’m doing the task, you don’t tell me how to do it, I’ll do it my way.  That’s not a one-way street, both Poe and I do this.  Early on in our marriage, he told me I was folding the clothes all wrong.  He is a former marine, and used to having his clothes done a certain way, because he had to.  Guess what?  I don’t have to.  And neither did he anymore.  I basically told him if he didn’t like how I was doing it, he could do it himself.  If he didn’t want to do it himself, then butt out.  That’s how the rule got started.

I have this habit.  When I fold the laundry, if it’s inside out, it stays inside out.  If you don’t take the time to turn them when they get thrown on the floor get put into the hamper, they’re coming out the same way.  It just simply annoys me to turn everything back when I’m folding.  Poe and I were just laying on the bed yesterday when he got home from work to talk for 10 minutes until the rest of the evening got started.  I don’t even remember what triggered it, but all of a sudden he blurted out, “You did something, and I feel so loved!” Um.  Left field much?  So I said, “What, exactly, was that?”  And he said, “You turned my socks right side out when you folded them.  Thank you so much!”  Sigh.  A definite sign of his love language being spoken.  Which means now I have to fold all his clothes right side out.  Dammit.

I’m still trying to get the hang of this at home thing.  Many things I want to do both with my business, of course, and with the home, and  with the kids.  But I haven’t gotten the hang of the timing.  By last night, I was totally exausted, and couldn’t remember one  thing productive that I did.  Poe has now said that he wants to see a list of what I’ve done by the time he gets home from work.  Not a whip crack, Woman! Clean that toilet! kind of thing…  More of a see?  See what you do all day?  Look at that!  It’s his way of showing me my worth.

In other words, he’s trying to speak my language.

My husband is fine with my blog.  Sometimes he reads, sometimes he doesn’t.  Sometimes he’ll read something, because I specifically told him to.  He understands that writing things down in any form is how I get it out of my head.  For Mother’s Day, he got me a great coffee mug that said “Mommy Blogger.”  For Father’s Day, I got him one that said “Blog Fodder.”  (Get it?  Father…  Fodder?  I thought it was funny)

Last night we were at our computers.  We started talking about something, and I guess he put his foot in it.  All of a sudden he starts talking faster and faster, and louder and louder, and I’m remaining silent (and my mouth open.)  His finale was “FINE!  I LOVE YOU OKAY????  I LOVE YOU, THAT’S IT!  I’M DONE…  Oh My God this is blog fodder isn’t it?”

And while I cannot for the life of me remember what we were arguing about…  I’ll remember that moment.

My husband is home.  He spent this weekend on open ocean deep sea fishing with some friends at work and their family.  The quid pro quo of BlogHer.  We each got a trip – we don’t travel, funds low and the like, and we both really needed the treats.

He just got home, this morning, unexpectedly, as the waters were too choppy to stay out.  Suddenly, the axis shifted, and all was right in my world again.

We’re always together other than work.  He truly is my best friend, and we’re both a bit antisocial and homebodies.

But this weekend, I had to do the “man” stuff.  I had to take out the trash (his job.)  Fine, I handled that.  But he’s also the bug man.  I had to clear ant manifestations in 4 rooms.  I swear we were under attack, I think they’re looking for water.  And then a gnarly looking spider that tried to get Joseph while he was peeing.  Chunky, black, with a yellow stripe down it’s back.  And I played WoW, without him next to me.  All done like I knew what I was doing.  But then I realized – all done minus joy.  Minus my best friend.

My best friend’s home now, and I feel normal again.