Sparks and Butterflies...

But aside from that, she's still completely normal

Get Me to the Church on Time

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I’m having a problem.

I’m not going to church.

It’s very bizarre.  It’s like I have a mental block or something.

My prayer life is better than it was.  I’m reading my Bible every day.  I’ve read it cover to cover, and now I’m reading it in chronological order.  I’m involved in an online Christian bookclub that does Bible studies.

Why can’t I go to church?  Literally, on Sunday, I don’t think of it.  We have a church.  We like the church.  It’s one of the few near us that actually lists the Bible in their Statement of Faith (which is just sad, in my opinion.)  We don’t feel it’s doctrinely unsound.  The pastor hasn’t said anything hinky.  The people were lovely and welcoming.  Joseph liked the kids’ church.

I can’t understand it.  Any thoughts?

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Check out Butterviews for BlogHer…  What caregiving is to me.  There’s a chance for a cruise at BlogHer’s roundup page – so you might want to check it out!  The post is Full Plates and Everything Else.

Heavy Hearts

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There are some changes happening in my family.  Mainly due to some spiritual fighting my husband is doing.  That’s not really my story to tell.  But it is hard for me to watch him struggle.  Although I believe the changes in store for him will make him a better man, husband, and father.

Plus, we watched Fireproof, and he came to me and told me to get the books.  He wants to do the Love Dare with me.  I was shocked.  It’s not normally his thing.  But we are.  And there are those changes.

Plus, he’s struggling at work.  Basically, they changed the structure, and he’s expected to do two full time jobs – without overtime.  It’s not working.  We’ve talked both about how he can present the problem to his management, and also how to manage the jobs in the meantime (I administer, it’s what I do – so I’m able to help him structure things.)  But he was thisclose to quitting.  Which, of course, sent me into panic mode, because the business is not close to being self sufficient yet – not to mention health insurance, this economy for finding another job, etc.

So basically, he’s introducing changes all around.  Refining ones.  Ones that in the long run would be wonderful, and great, and fulfilling.

But oh so painful and uncomfortable to get through to the other side on.

So I’m struggling.  With my own fears and anxieties.  With how to help and support him.

It’s certainly a long road, isn’t it?

Conversations

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It’s no secret that we’re a Christian family. So – discussions about God come up on a regular basis.

This stemmed from a conversation in which Joseph wanted to know how many times he’d been in the hospital, in the car, on the way to school, with one small measly cup of coffee in me.

Joseph: So – everyone’s been in the hospital at least once right? When they were born!

Me: Well, no. Some people are born at home.

Joseph: So – they might have NEVER been in the hospital.

Me: Right.

Logan: Well – God was in the hospital when he was a kid.

Me: No, ’cause God was never a kid. He has always been the way He is. Now, Jesus, His Son was a kid once.

Logan: So he was in the hospital?

Me: Well, no, they didn’t have hospitals back then.

Joseph: Well, I guess he’s REALLY REALLY old now.

Me: Well, no. The way it works is, He died for our sins when he was about my age. He died, resurrected, and now lives at the right hand of His father, God.

Joseph: Well, then whoever’s on His left hand is a bad guy, right?

Me: Um. No. I don’t think it works that way.

Logan: Oh look! Something shiny.

Why can’t they have questions when I have the brain capacity to give thoughtful answers? Dude. I’m so not cut out to teach them theology.

Solitude

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It’s 12:30 in the morning.  I’m sitting in the easy chair, watching HGTV.  Everyone is asleep.

Solitude.

It’s rare in this house.

I want to write.  The process of getting words out in a space.  The restful clicky-clack of the keys as I type.  Emptying of my mind.

The problem is…  I’m in a really good place right now.  We’re more comfortable financially than we’ve been in a long time.  By no means perfect, but I no longer fear overdrafts, which is a huge relief.  I can pay the bills, AND pay towards debt, AND save, and it’s a huge relief.  In addition, we have a plan in place to bring me home.

The kids are going through their various therapies and thriving.  Plans are in place, they’re responding.  I still feel like strangling them daily – but it’s all normal, little boy, brother stuff.

Poe and I are strong in our marriage.

God and I are on good terms at the moment.  I still have ton make my own efforts – to study, spend time in prayer, and depend on Him…  But I’m in a much better place than, say, a year ago.

My mother is as good as she’s going to get.

So…  Even though on the surface I’m a work outside the home, married, mom of special needs kids, helping to take care of aging parents living next door, I’m doing pretty good.

Except for the fact that the inlaws are coming in 2 weeks.

But I have a cure for that too.  I hire house cleaners the day before.  Then…  when fault is found – I know a professional did it and seriously happiness will just never be found. Just the way it is.  I’ve learned to deal.

So – no big angst at the moment.  No big faith issue, marriage issue, kid issue, or money issue.  Do you know how rare that is?

Do you know how grateful I am?

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