Sparks and Butterflies...

But aside from that, she's still completely normal

Blogging Identity Crises

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I’m skipping the last Blissdom session as I’m in thought.  And when I’m in thought, I get distracted.  I wouldn’t get anything from the session anyway.

The good news…  I found out that a famous-to-me blogger reads me.  And that she might be willing to hire me.  Perhaps.  Maybe.  If we work something out – AND she wants me to guest post.  Because she likes my voice.  I’m not linking her because it’s not a done deal, and I don’t want to put words in her mouth – or pressure on her.  But this is HUGE for me.  1) Someone who in my opinion is a success reads me.  Sorry, but that gives me validation.  2)  Potential new client woot!  So…  networking works.

But the bad news…  I’m in a blogging identity crises.  There was a branding session.  After the session I asked a couple of gals who I trust and respect, and who know both my blog and other writing, what do THEY think when they go to my blog (in terms of branding and if it is correctly reflective of me and my voice.)  I’m not going to link the ladies –  I don’t want to put words in their mouth – and I’m not calling them out.  I asked them both ’cause I respect them and I admire what they’ve accomplished.  And they tell it like it is.

One said that I am not like my blog.  That in person I’m bubbly and happy, and trustworthy.  But they feel like my blog feels very critical (not that I’M critical of anyone, but the general feel I think).  Another long time bloggy friend that knows me chimed in that it reminded her of a teenager’s poetry diary grown up.  The other I asked said they would lose the cartoon girl.

They both put me in a quandry in different ways.

In terms of the angsty angle (content wise) – I’ve decided to own that.  I’ve only ever written my thoughts and my life.  I truly don’t necessarily like that I come across as that way.  But perhaps the dichotomy of that perception, and my in person perception are parts to a whole.  I can accept that, and I can own that.  But what I DO NOT want is for anyone to think I’m hyper critical of them.  Ever.  Life is hard enough.  We may disagree on some issues – but I’m not going to call anyone out or criticize them on my blog unless they do something to me or mine.  So don’t do anything to me or mine.

I think part of her perception, however, might come from the graphic on my site, which leads me to the other problem.  The suggestion that I remove the cartoon girl!  Oy!  I paid money for the girl.  I have no graphic talent, unfortunately.  So I have to pay other people.  But I have definitely toyed with the idea of a bit more sophistication.  However.  That girl is EVERYWHERE…  It’s my avatar on all the social networks!  I do not have a good picture of myself to replace it with, and don’t know how to take a good photo.  Just not a talent of mine (which irks as a blogger, let me tell you.)  And everyone knows the cartoon girl.  “OMG I KNOW YOU AND YOU’RE NOT A CARTOON!”  Which is brand recognition.

Which brings me to my quandry…  Would different graphics help match my true voice?

I’ve noticed a couple people are commenting more.  Please – help me out readers…  weigh in.  Does the feeling of my “online living room” actually match the content I’m putting out there?  Or would you go with a more sophisticated graphics ensemble?  Does it match my voice, or would something smoother, softer, brighter, brasher, more low key (I could go on) match the writing?  Even better if you’ve met me.  PLEASE weigh in.

Sparks and Butterflies isn’t going anywhere.  Sparks and Butterflies is me for very personal reasons.  But perhaps I’ve grown out of the angst?  Weigh in – comment away.

A post you should read.

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So, there are those out there who say I shouldn’t be doing what it is I do. What? Oh, that would be writing about my life. You see, I’m exploiting my children. And they’ll hate me for it. And I’m profiting off of my website, and therefore, I’m profiting off of my children. And I’m invading their privacy.

Let’s get a few things straight.

Wanna know how much I make? It’s ok, I’m alright about transparency…

I make about $15 a month in advertising. I also make about $40 a month total from my Stars and Special Needs sites. That’s paid blogging right there, folks. On the flip side, I pay about $15 a month for hosting – but whenever there’s a change. Like needing more bandwidth, there’s a fee. I’ve spent $100 in fees in the last couple of months. Oh, and if I have a problem or re-design, it’s anywhere from $25 to $200 a pop.

Yeah – I’m simply ROLLING in the dough.

And before you say I’m just waiting to hit it big? Think this is my big break? I’ve been writing online since 1994. Yeah. 14 years. Ftp, notepad, and aol server space ftw! Remember geocities? and changing every single page individually and ftping every single page individually? every day?

So – I’m not waiting for my big break here, peeps.

This is my journal. Mine. If someone takes an interest, and I end up with a product, or something, or GASP! actual money? I say, Go Me! This is still my journal. Is it a business? Sure, it can be. I think my opinion and thoughts are worth something, yes.

Also – let’s make something clear. The children? Those kids? Those sons I love more than life itself? They came into MY life, sweethearts! Not the other way around. I do not exist solely to serve them. I do it. I do it gladly. And no matter what I think when I’m at my worst, those kids are good, polite, have good moral fiber, and aside from their congenital abnormalities – healthy. In other words – I’m a good mother if their example is to be believed. But they are part of my existence right now. And I will write about them. Just as I talk about them. just as I experience them.

I don’t think it’s dangerous.

I don’t think they’ll be harmed any more than their natural abhorrence of all things parent will harm them.

I don’t think their photos being on my website will incite the pedophiles.

I’m not going to plaster my address all over the ever loving place – but Dooce makes an excellent point. Are we to live in fear of those strangers that see my kid at the grocery store, who saw my kid in person, and even saw my license plate, and even could follow me home?

I’m not going to live in fear.

Why do I write publicly? I write for three reasons.

I have to. I have an uncontrollable urge to spill my guts out – the pretty and ugly ones.

I am journaling my life. Each year, I have my blog printed in paperback form, and keep it for posterity.

I meet other people like me. Because I interact with other people like me. Because I can exchange ideas with other women. This is an opportunity I would not have outside of my blogging community.So – I’m sorry if you think I’m some, “money grubbing mommyblogger (said with as much scorn as possible) pimping out their child and whoring themselves.”

I’m not going to stop doing it until I no longer have the urge to write.

Posts on the subject:

Splogging – Don’t Do It

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I wrote about my splogged content. I then wrote about my seeming inability to act. To recap… Content splogged, me mad, me ineffectual. I have since made sure that my Creative Commons is up-to-date (it was) and added a widget to add it to my feeds. I decided against moving to partial feeds because my readers were very vocal about their hatred of them.What I did not do, which I will do immediately after posting this, is do another search on my links (can someone tell me how to do this OTHER than Technorati links to you?) and ask for my content be removed. And keep track and follow up. Why didn’t I do this before?? I am leery of confrontation. I’m small potatoes. I was afraid of a fight I couldn’t win. I’m not afraid anymore. (update: went to find my content again, and couldn’t find it.  Disappeared?  WHY didn’t I bookmark or make screenshots?!)

This is my content. Mine. I created it. I thought of it. I took the time and energy and thought to put it out there. Unless I have specifically allowed you to use my content, you’re not allowed to use it for profit.

You are free to share, copy, distribute, display, and perform the work under the following conditions:

  • Attribution. You must attribute this work to Michele (with link).
  • Noncommercial. You may not use this work for commercial purposes.
  • No Derivative Works. You may not alter, transform, or build upon this work.
  • For any reuse or distribution, you must make clear to others the license terms of this work. The best way to do this is with a link to this web page.
  • Any of the above conditions can be waived if you get permission from the copyright holder.
  • Nothing in this license impairs or restricts the author’s moral rights.

It’s fairly clear to me. You make money off my stuff without my permission, it’s theft, pure and simple.

Twitter informed me of this newest case of splogging, and Twitter has allowed me an action to take. Here I am. Some others have been splogged – bigger potatoes than me – all by blognetnews.com, with editor, Dave Mastio. I’m not hyperlinking, they don’t need ad traffic from me. I refuse to give it to them, however, I do encourage you to look it up yourself and see if you’re one of their stable of bloggers. Without compensation/permission. I am not one of them. Please be sure to look and make sure you’re not too.

The whole thing makes me sick. It makes me angry. It makes me tired. It makes me feel used.

Really.

Sometimes I write something I’m really proud of.  Sometimes, it’s crap, but I’m writing.  Sometimes it’s memories I don’t want to forget.  Please don’t abuse this interesting media of peering into the minds of others.  Don’t twist it.

My Community

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So, last night, The Queen of Spain twitterized a video chat session. I went ahead and logged on. I just text chatted, while the other ladies (and there was a dude too, but I never caught who he was) were on video chats. That’ll happen soon – I have a camera on my new! computer! coming!

Along with QoS, was GeekMommy, Schmutzie (didn’t get to chat much with her), ToThink, Crunchy Carpets, and TheMacMommy.  These are all new to me bloggers, except Queen of Spain.  Actually, I’d heard of them, just never actually read them before.  My point is this – these were all new peeps for me.  I’m now twitting them, and I’ve bookmarked them for perusal.

First let me just say – it was fun.  Real time chatting, while seeing pretty faces, in an unplanned (I think?) “hey let’s talk” kind of way.

Unless I totally barged into a party that was thought out, in which case, mea culpa.

However, this isn’t the point – I’m just setting you up.

My point is this…  I’m a blogger for three reasons.

  1. Journal my life/a marking of the passage of time for my family
  2. Impart information/react to information
  3. Community

For me personally, I don’t make friends easilly.  I’m busy, I’m distracted, and I’m stressed.  I don’t have a lot of time, and the time that I do have is often designated for survival activities – until about 8pm pacific (ie: kids’ bedtimes.)  I feel that this is the case for everyone, not just me.  I think it’s harder to make a buck, harder to keep kids out of trouble, and harder to keep the household in order.  As a result – it’s hard to maintain relationships and friendships.

We’re in an online world now.  I believe it is the natural evolution of things – I think we go the way technology guides us.  We’re a bit isolated.  We’re solitary.

While all this is true, and more – I’m sure writers more eloquent than I have succeeded – what I love about blogging is community.   A sappy word that I’m not sure truly identifies what I want to say here, but I cannot think of a synonym at the moment.   In those women (and unidentifiable male?  Help?) I saw different blogging styles, different lifestyles, different political and religious beliefs, different experience levels – both in life and in blogging – and yet.

And yet.

There we all were.  Talking about blogging – but as women are wont to do – it bounced.  Subject to subject, interest to interest.

A group of women.  Talking.  Together.  Ultimately, isn’t that the point?

I truly love it.

This is my community.

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