I know the blog has been silent. I make no apologies for it. It stems from two things. One, unless I’m really riled up about something, when I’m contemplative or struggling, I go inward. I have to work it out inside. And when I mean inward, I mean in all ways. On the blog, on Facebook, with my friends and acquaintances I see in “real” life, etc. It wasn’t always this way. My blog really is my journal, and I’ve treated it as such. Two, I have a larger audience now. I don’t mean audience as in “My Adoring AUDIENCE” (although I hope you are one), I mean in more of a personal sense. Family has found my blog. While they remain silent about it, I’m not stupid, am technologically more advanced than some of them, and I know they are there because I know where to look. And my children will probably read it eventually. While I don’t mind them reading struggles I’ve had in raising them, as I am a human being, and raising children is a struggle, as they are human beings as well – that’s just reality – They are getting older now. Their stories, as often as I may want to share them, are THEIR stories. They are less symbiotic with me, and starting to travel their own roads, and I don’t want to present their stories, I want them to, eventually. I don’t let them on the internet at home yet, however, they do use the computers at school, and at home with my supervision for school, so their reality (literally and figuratively) is important to me. And so. I only write here when I want to and feel the urge to say something. Our current living situation is very same ‘ol, same ‘ol. Same lack of funds. Still working on the business and Poe’s opportunity. The kids have the same special needs with no outstanding issues to face. So I must feel led and prompted to write.

I know that blogging is now “Blogging – the Business.” It wasn’t always that way. It all started out as online journals. There was no software, although people did create graphics and give them out free to the journalers who were graphically impaired, such as myself. We wrote the html code by hand in notebook, or another text editor. We hand coded the “next” and “previous” and archives. We uploaded it to our free 10 mgs of server space given to us on our AOL or other isp accounts. They were real journals. Commenting didn’t exist, but people would email their comments. Eventually, that led to “Web-logging” or “weblogging,” which was a more of a “here’s what I did today real quick” instead of a long journal entry (kind of like a personal slightly larger than 140 char. twitter). That eventually led to software/platforms that you see today, as well as the terms “blogging” and “blog.” In fact, there was quite a controversy at the time between the “online journalers” and the “webloggers” as to which was a more… authentic or true or “right” way to do it. Eventually, though, the controversy resolved itself because the two kind of melded. Although, personally, I feel that what we term as “blogging” today is more of what us online journalers did, and our Twitter and Facebook entries are now what “weblogging” was then.

I’ve been doing this online writing thing since 1995. For those counting at home, that’s 17 years. I’m 37 years old. That means I’ve been blogging/writing online almost half my life. Longer than my 12 & 10 year olds have existed. Longer than the 14 years I’ve been married. I’ve been around a while. I don’t look at blogging the same way as other folks do. I don’t look at my stats, really. In fact, when an opportunity comes my way and they ask about my stats? I pass it by. You know why? Because you’re judging me not by my content, but by how many folks look at my content. You’re judging me not by my sparkling personality, but by how many friends look at my sparkling personality. I used to care. I used to want to make a living at this thing. But a few too many “you’re not doing it rights,” and a few too many clique rejections from the “Big Blogs,” and I just don’t care anymore. Because I was doing this before you were. I’ll be doing it after you’re gone. When I write, it’s because I have something to say, not because I’m struggling to find something to say because I need to crank out so much content to live up to my obligations. The only obligation I currently have is my advertiser BlogHer. I have to write once a month to stay part of that program. While that doesn’t always happen (I’ve been known to get a “where are you” email or two), that’s an obligation I can live with.

You see, this isn’t business for me. This is my life. If I were to make money off it? I’d be fine with it! Ecstatic, in fact. But the fact that I’m not? Does not – I repeat NOT – negate the effort, and it doesn’t negate my life.

Guess what “blogging community?” I’m still here. I’m not going anywhere. My stats don’t dictate my love of this medium. I do. And when you crash and burn because you equate your stats and “online worth” with the story of your life? I’ll still be here.

The moral of this story is… Unless you’re blogging for an actual business, or a blog on a very specific topic, live your life. Write your life in order to memorialize the story of your life for the future. Because you matter. I don’t care how many readers you have. I don’t care what your keywords are. I don’t care about your Alexa rating. I don’t care about that Klout standing thing. I care about if you’re telling your story, telling it authentically, telling it ethically, and growing (personally, not necessarily financially) from the experience. THAT’s the beauty of this blogging thing. THAT’s the reason the personal bloggers should be here. Because then if great things happen because of it, it’s gravy instead of the destination.

Don’t get me wrong. If you’re succeeding financially from the endeavor, I am happy for you! I am! And I truly hope that you enjoy doing it while you’re earning that living. I do not begrudge that, and I want you to succeed. What I am asking you to do, however, is remember yourself in the equation. Remember your worth just for being you. Your words matter because you thought them, not because someone read them. Pouring your heart out on your blog matters not because the keywords triggered traffic, but because of the internal process of pouring your heart out. In the midst of the blogging conferences, networking, social networking, “how to do it” panels, and the pitch emails, please, please remember that.