so I’ve had a little time to think – and a couple glasses of wine. Hmmm. As I think about Jeannette’s response, I think that I now know where my fear of rejection & confrontation comes from. I know where my lack of affection comes from. I can only seem to show physical affection for Jay & the kids. Everyone else MUST approach me first, and even then, I’m stiff and uncomfortable. Anyway. When I heard about her response, it felt like a slap in the face. And, I felt unwanted all over again. And angry. I think I can let the anger go. There’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t MAKE her remember. I can’t MAKE her know. I can’t MAKE her tell me. But the abandonment was pretty much felt in her statement. There was no sympathy, understanding, or even curiousity in her response. Just a sense of my putting her out, frustration with me for wanting to know, and dismissal of my feelings and concerned. As I mentioned before, I’m very curious now if she’ll pen any kind of response at all to me, or does she just go crying to her pseudo-mommy [how fucked up is it we both have the same pseudo mommy?] like a tattle tale? Thank God I decided to talk to mom first. Hello, awkward. Other news… Jay’s having a terrible time at work. It may be time to start looking again, I don’t know. What I do know is that he’s certainly not being paid what he’s worth. Joseph – still in constant trouble. Our follow up with the neurologist isn’t for 2 weeks. Work is crazy busy for me. Stuff is falling through the cracks, but it has to. I mean, I’m already doing overtime and I’m one person. Business is going very well. We’re growing. Our little income from it more than doubled this month, and it’s getting bigger. I’m very pleased about that. One step closer to no debt. I’m tired.
Leave a Reply