pondering

Do you ever wonder about your existence?  Your purpose?  Or on the other hand know, deep down, your purpose, and feel utterly helpless to accomplish it?

That’s where I’m at.  Feeling helpless to accomplishing my purpose.  My goal in life.  My calling.  I can see it.  I know what it is.  And yet, I cannot seem to attain it, or attain the path to it.

I think the answer, at least in my case, is patience.  And that is a lifeskill that I never learned.  That is so frustrating, and quite possibly my worst character flaw.  I also have no idea how to correct it.

Instead, I sit here floundering.  Floundering in a sea of impatience?

Worse yet – before I truly knew my calling, I was content.  Now, I am not.  And that is another flaw…  Because if I cannot be content where I’m at, am I truly living my life?  Am I allowing it to pass me by?

The longing is real, and yet, how do I move past it, when there is nothing that can be done for now?

I’m a doer not a coaster…

There’s no real answer here.  I’m just getting it out of my head.