Sparks and Butterflies...

Now that I’m home, there’s been a new delegation of work around the house.  He’s bringing home the bacon, and I therefore feel that the household is my “job.”  He is responsible for the trash going out, the kitty litter, any bug murder, and brawn needed.  The last thing on the list is he makes the kids’ lunches and snacks.

But now that I’m home he keeps forgetting.

This morning he called me around 7am.

“I’m just calling to let you know that I forgot to make their lunches and snacks.  But!  I have figured out a way to fix this!”

“What’s that?”

“I’ll make them at night while you’re cleaning up the kitchen.  That way, we’ll be in the same room together, and can get in each other’s way and bump butts and stuff.”

“You want to bump butts with me, baby?”

“Exactly.”

So apparently, my husband has decided to get in my way.  I’m ok with that.

So, I haven’t read the book – Don’t even know exactly what the title is – but I understand the basic concept…  People have ways that they accept love as love, and everyone is different.  Perhaps it’s works, or in other words, when people do things for you.  Perhaps it’s affirmations, like being told they’re wonderful.  Etc.  When those things happen, whatever they are, that person feels loved.  Oftentimes, people will act out in the ways they feel loved.  Sort of doing how they want to be treated.  The trick is, learning what the other person’s language IS, so you can make THEM feel loved instead of acting out how YOU feel loved.

We have a basic rule in our house, both with parenting, and with household tasks.  Butt out.  In other words, if I’m doing the task, you don’t tell me how to do it, I’ll do it my way.  That’s not a one-way street, both Poe and I do this.  Early on in our marriage, he told me I was folding the clothes all wrong.  He is a former marine, and used to having his clothes done a certain way, because he had to.  Guess what?  I don’t have to.  And neither did he anymore.  I basically told him if he didn’t like how I was doing it, he could do it himself.  If he didn’t want to do it himself, then butt out.  That’s how the rule got started.

I have this habit.  When I fold the laundry, if it’s inside out, it stays inside out.  If you don’t take the time to turn them when they get thrown on the floor get put into the hamper, they’re coming out the same way.  It just simply annoys me to turn everything back when I’m folding.  Poe and I were just laying on the bed yesterday when he got home from work to talk for 10 minutes until the rest of the evening got started.  I don’t even remember what triggered it, but all of a sudden he blurted out, “You did something, and I feel so loved!” Um.  Left field much?  So I said, “What, exactly, was that?”  And he said, “You turned my socks right side out when you folded them.  Thank you so much!”  Sigh.  A definite sign of his love language being spoken.  Which means now I have to fold all his clothes right side out.  Dammit.

I’m still trying to get the hang of this at home thing.  Many things I want to do both with my business, of course, and with the home, and  with the kids.  But I haven’t gotten the hang of the timing.  By last night, I was totally exausted, and couldn’t remember one  thing productive that I did.  Poe has now said that he wants to see a list of what I’ve done by the time he gets home from work.  Not a whip crack, Woman! Clean that toilet! kind of thing…  More of a see?  See what you do all day?  Look at that!  It’s his way of showing me my worth.

In other words, he’s trying to speak my language.