Sparks and Butterflies...

But aside from that, she's still completely normal

What I Don’t Miss

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I’ve learned in my decade as a mother that each and every stage has it’s own challenges.  It never gets easier.  Certain aspects get easier, but the job of parenting doesn’t.  Each stage is a tradeoff.

Poe and I will not be having any more children.  He was – er – snipped.  We decided that two kids with special needs was enough, and maxed out our emotional and financial reserves.  For one child, it’s a toss up if he’ll be a self-sustaining adult.  For him, we still have years of therapy and medication and doctors appointments and IEP meetings to get through.  For the other child, survival is of paramount importance.  For him we have years left of surgery medications anesthesia and doctors appointments.  So, we made the decision to just stop.

So for each “ending” stage, we realize it’s the last.  Although every once in a while someone passes me a baby.  You know…  The kind that doesn’t quite have their own personality yet, and smells of baby powder.  The kind who’s so young, woofling into your neck and a steady hand holding up the bum is simple paradise to them.  That’s one stage that I do miss.  The stage where you make everything right for this tiny person by simply holding on.

There are a few stages, though, that I’ve said goodbye to with joy.

Diapers.  The changing, the tossing, the necessity to be constantly prepared.

Toilet training.  The accidents, extra clothes, negotiation and head scratching.

Toddler danger where they don’t quite yet get what’s bad and dangerous and are constantly giving you heart attacks as they decide to investigate the stove.  Or street.  Or beehive.  Or howthehelldidyougetupthere place.

I do miss kindergarten though.  It was school but not school.  They didn’t have all the pressures of grades and homework, but you see their mind just expand.  That was fun.

We’re currently in a stage that I detest.  The elementary school years, where their not quite on their own with schoolwork yet, like high school.  I hate being pressured to do homework.  I detest it.  I have no patience for it.  And for crying out loud did you not listen to the instructions in class? What the heck am I to do with three triangles, a square, and no instructions?

Thank God no one has to make a volcano erupt yet, or I might just lose it.

In years to come, maybe I’ll look back with longing at these years.

Right now, we still have it simple.  Mom and dad know it all.  No is no.  We’re still in control.  Sort of.  I have to admit I’m not looking forward to girls.  Puberty.  Body hair.  Talking back.  Attitude.  Expose to language, sex, and drugs.  My oldest just turned 10 and I see these things hovering on the horizon.  I’m scared.  I’m scared to go from sleepless nights to talks about drugs.  Diapers to condoms.  Tantrums to groundings.  Kindergarten to college.

This parenting gig is kind of hard.  The totally cliche and sappy quote “Parenting is your heart forever walking around outside your body” is true.  I’m not a sappy mushy person.  But Oh, how it’s true.

And they said it wouldn’t last

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No really, they did. We got married so fast that I lost a few friends who wouldn’t support me. And about 3-6 months into the marriage, our church family kept staring at my tummy, SURE that I must be pregnant. I mean, it had to be a shotgun wedding, right?

We disappointed them.  We got married because we loved each other, and knew it was right, and knew it was of God.  Period.  We ignored the naysayers, and did what we felt was right.

12 years later, we’re still together.  A little ragged around the edges, with worn out knees, and well placed holes, a bit faded.  But still here, still together, and still love each other.

Happy anniversary, Poe.  I love you.  Still.

Is This Passive Aggressive?

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Dear Teacher,

From the end of March to the beginning of May we are dealing with:

A kid on medication
Forms that MUST be done in person, because God knows a doctor’s office can’t deal with email, .pdf’s, or even a fax
3 birthdays, and one anniversary
all with no money considering my husband hasn’t worked in almost 14 months
a cold sweeping through the family
maintaining current clients, while gaining new ones
because that’s what’s keeping us in groceries while the unemployment keeps rent and electricity paid
while keeping sane during two separate spring breaks in two separate school districts who of COURSE can’t happen at the same time
while my dad just wanders through my house at odd times asking my husband to play online poker, planting tomatoes that he wants ME to take care of
while the plumbing implodes every other week
while making the decision whether my mother needs to go to the hospital
while helping my mother maintain through a failing memory and what I suspect are mini strokes
while volunteering for hours for your school
while my husband takes tests
that I have to quiz him on which SUSPECT is the right one to SHOOT
All while I maintain control in the household by paying bills, doing laundry, doing dishes, cleaning the house, keeping the children clean, fed, and alive.

So pardon me if the mother-effing report on the great white shark was effing late. He’s 7. Get over it.

Double Digits

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Dear Joseph,

A couple days ago you turned ten. 10. A decade. Double digits. Your teenage years are just on the horizon.

This year you have gone through more than any child should. Bullying that wasn’t stopped. Adults that wouldn’t listen. Police. Hospitals. A school change. All on top of the challenges you already face.

You’ve come through it all intact, with integrity, doing the work, and I am so very proud of you.

May the next decade bring you more growth and lessons you learn from, ease in yourself, knowledge of love, and a kernel of wisdom.

I love you.

Mom

P.S.  Clean your room.

An experiment in thought

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*Disclaimer:  This is an experiment in thought and “what ifs.”  I have no interest in creating a “movement.”  I am not currently part of a movement.  I am a registered voter with opinions.

As with most Americans, Poe and I have been very political minded the last 2 years.  Election, Democrat, Republican, Independent, Libertarian, health care, etc. are all words that have been bantered about between us of late.  Late one night in bed, we were falling asleep.  We had just watched some political TV programming we are fans of.  Sleepy, but minds churning, we started mapping out the following scenario.

What if we split the country in half?  Two Americas.  United States of Western America, and United States of Eastern America.  The states themselves would remain intact, so it would be a jagged line up the middle.  The western half would be the right side of the political spectrum, the eastern half would be the left side of the political spectrum.  You have 30 days to decide which side of the spectrum your personal beliefs fall into.  You are to choose freely, but you MUST choose.  After your decision is made, you have 90 days to get you there.  There would be relocation centers to help you find jobs and move, should your choice take you to the other side of the country.  Once the move is in place, federal responsibilities would be split in half.  The national debt?  Halved.  The US Treasury?  Halved.  Current military?  Halved.  So on and so forth.  Federal taxes would obviously go towards support of your new half of the country.

While communication and travel would be freely shared (with passports of course) nothing else would.  You could not work over the national line, you must work and have residence in your own half.  No bartering, trade, services, utilities, natural resources, etc. could go over the national line.  The governments would choose how to run their own government.  They would decide their own foreign policy, foreign debt, immigration laws, participation in organizations like NATO and the United Nations, defense strategy, military, etc.  There would be a treaty in place that no fighting happened over the line.

The experiment stays in place for 20 years.  Short enough to turn back, long enough to get some data.

What happens?  Who keeps a republic?  Who keeps the Constitution?  Who enters wars?  Who solves international peace situations?  Who has a better unemployment rate?  Who has a higher median income?  Who has cleaner streets, less crime, safer lives?  Who is free?  How has artistic endeavors evolved?  Who has less debt?  Who has better health?  Who has a better education?  Who has better transportation?  Who has evolved further technologically?  Do the two countries come back together as a whole, or do they work better as separate entities?

If you start thinking about specific personal issues, specific personal lives, and take the current system out of the equation it starts getting interesting.  If you could start a brand new country, what would it look like?  How would it work?  How would it evolve?

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