Sparks and Butterflies...

But aside from that, she's still completely normal

When Will They Accept It’s Not Right?

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*note – I totally know an apostrophe goes in “it’s” – apparently my template has decided it’s a no-no in a blog title.

Remember my post on the new TSA Regulations? Sexual assault and privacy and all that?  Well, the ramifications of the policy are starting to come out.

The TSA ejected a passenger who refused a “groin check.” My favorite line?

“You touch my junk and I’m going to have you arrested,” Tyner can be heard telling the TSA agent as his cell phone camera captured the ordeal.

And someone from our very own blogging world has been effected.  I mean really.  Who doesn’t want their labia and breasts touched?  A line you should think about?

“It is acceptable and encouraged that a TSA government official can do something to an American citizen that US military personnel cannot do to a member of the Taliban.”

I again repeat myself – I don’t care.  I, as a rape survivor, don’t think I can fly now.  What if they choose me for an “enhanced” pat down?  What if they want me to go through that full body scan for all the world to see?  What if I have to fly due to a funeral and completely lose my shit?

When my brother committed suicide, my mom tasked me with bringing all her pictures of him in frames for the memorial.  Due to the frames, I couldn’t bring it on the plane with me.  They lost them.  They lost my mother’s only photos of my brother.  We were able to get them back in two days – literally we picked them up from the airport on the way to the funeral.  What happened in the airport when I found out they lost them?  Completely lost my shit – the big ugly snot cry, “You-u-u don’t understan-nd-nd…  I have to tell this to my mo-o-o-ther.”  Now, imagine the same scenario, which I already know is a possibility – since it happened – along with having been reminded physically of my rape.

Just take me to the psych ward, ’cause I’ll probably need to be medicated.

It’s common basic stranger danger mentality.  Don’t touch me, and I won’t touch you.  I can’t seem to articulate well enough how bad and wrong these new regulations are.

I Want to Win This

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In early 2009, I attended BlissDom. This conference is everything I wanted in a conference. It’s smaller and more intimate than the other conferences I’ve attended, BlogHer and SXSW. I had a ton of fun. Considering my hatred of crowds, and my insecurities, it was fabulous. Whenever the people got to be too much, I was able to escape to my room and come back when I was ready. I talked to people. I had fun at their extras, like the pajama movie party. I wanted to go back this year, but our finances didn’t allow it. My finances don’t allow it for 2011 either, but I’m entering a contest. The grand prize – a full trip, airfare, conference, and hotel. I might can swing food and airport transportation. I am definitely entering. I doubt I’ll win – but the sure way not to is to not enter!  Do you want to enter?  No, you totally don’t, so I have a better chance to win, but I’ll give you the information anyway.  I’m a member of the One2One Network, the folks holding the contest – so you have to be a member to enter.  But that’s an easy and rewarding thing to do.

The Great BlissDom Conference Package Giveaway

One2One Network is kicking off a HUGE contest to bring you bliss! We are going to be giving away conference passes to three lucky One2One bloggers for BlissDom’11 in Nashville, TN January 27-28. There are three levels of prizing and all include a full conference pass ($399 value).

BlissDom is the premiere conference for women who find and express their bliss by publishing online. Speakers and panels feature the best blogging, public relations and social media pros gathering to mentor new and old friends alike.

This is Blissdom’s most exciting year, with even more incredible content, events, networking and surprises scheduled than ever before. This year’s mantra – Think Big. Be Bold. Create Your Bliss. Whether you are a blogging newbie or maven, BlissDom’11 is designed to superserve everyone!

BLISSDOM’11 PACKAGE GIVEAWAY DETAILS

Contest runs Tuesday, November 9 through midnight (EST) Monday, November 29, 2010.

The PRIZES:

GRAND prize: Full conference pass (includes Wisdom Workshops), 3 nights at the Opryland Hotel, AND airfare/travel to the conference (up to $500)!!! (~$1500 value!)
FIRST prize: Full conference pass (includes Wisdom Workshops), 2 nights at the Opryland Hotel!! (~$800 value!)
SECOND prize: Full conference pass (includes Wisdom Workshops) (~$500 value!)

Sickened and Scared

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I have alluded to this in the past on the blog, but I’ve never come out and said it before.  Since it pertains to my reaction to the story I’ll share with you, I need to state it clearly.  I am a rape survivor.  I was raped twice, and (just) physically beat up once.  I survived.  While I’ve dealt with most of the crushing issues that come from surviving, I do still deal with certain ongoing ramifications.  Some examples… My husband is the only person on this earth who can come up to me from behind and touch me, and me not react negatively.  He’s the ONLY person I can show physical affection for and receive physical affection from easily.  In reality what does that mean?  I have to work exceptionally hard at showing physical affection to my children.  I have to fight very hard to never wince or cringe when they come up from behind me in the course of our daily life.  I have to fight very hard to not withdraw from them when they physically reach out to me.  I have to mentally prepare myself before friends see me, as they will expect (rightfully so) hugs.  Before we visit my best friend, I have to give myself a talking to that her husband will not hurt me, he loves me, he likes me, and he will touch and hug me.  His love for me is due to his accepting me in his life as part of his wife’s life.  He has no interest in me physically, and he loves his wife.  These are things I have to tell myself so I don’t elbow him through his nasal cartilage, while simultaneously trying to gouge his eyes out with my fingers.  Because he put his hand on my shoulder while handing me a  drink.  My children deserve my affection.  My friends deserve my affection.  Physical affection is healthy.  I know this and so I work very hard at it every single day.  And I think it’s working, because my children and friends come to me for affection, nurturing, and love.  I’m successful at fighting and scratching against myself to give them that.  I’m OK with doctors, I think due to the rubber gloves.  But many doctors will use their bare hands for breast exams (I think due to sensitivity issues) and I cry every time.  But I’m trying.  It’s a process.  A long one.  My assaults happened before I knew my husband, and I’ve been married for 12 years.

Warning to my conservative Christian friends, the link I’m about to give is to a Pagan news service.  Just want to warn you.  I found this story.  Go read it.

Now that you’ve read it, think about what it means.

Think about sending your children through the scanners.  Think about the enhanced pat down if you refuse.  If this becomes the norm, I’m truly unsure I’ll be able to fly.  After talking to my husband, who is incredibly protective of me, he said, “I think I would have to drop anyone who thought putting his hands on your tits is OK, other than your doctor.”  He understands what this would mean to me.  You could also say, “well, go through the scanner!”  One, there are radiation issues.  Kind of like a doctor.  Once every blue moon is fine, but beyond that, you need the lead drape.  What about the frequent travel fliers?  At one time I was flying twice a week for three months.  And I know many who travel even more.  Two, it’s an invasion of your privacy.  In front of everyone in the security line.  I thought the body scan would be like an Xray.  Very impersonal.  I saw the exemplar.  I could see his penis very clearly (and his love handles).

The whole thing scares me for oh, so many reasons.

At dinner tonight, we’re having another discussion with the kids about our privates, and who’s allowed to touch them, and for what reasons.

Breaking Ties With The Cool Kids

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I am a blogging dinosaur.  No, really.  The archives here go to 2000 (that’s a decade).  And actually I started writing an online journal in about 1995, so there’s five years of entries somewhere that I can’t access.

I’ve seen fads come and go.  I’ve seen platforms come and go.  I’ve seen lots and lots of people come and go.

I’m still here.  I’m not here because I’m some great writer.  I’m not even here because I have something to say, although I do.  I’m mainly here to leave a mark that I can come back to to see various points in our lives from my perspective at the time.

As journaling online turned into journals and weblogs, then journals versus weblogs, then weblogs, then blogs; the “cool” kids came out to play.  Did you ever think that high school would get renacted in your life in various ways over and over and over again?  I didn’t.  But I get it now.  Time grows shorter lately, and I decided to cull my blog feeds to make catching up easier.  There they were.  The cool kids.  The ones heralded for their longevity.

Ahem.  ::wave::

Or the ones who started blogging about their kids causing this phenomenen called “mommyblogging.”

Ahem.  ::wave::  And by the way I HATE that term.

And here I sit.  I realized that I was reading them because I was “supposed” to be reading them.  Because they are the creme of the blogging crop, you see.  And the truth is?  I can’t stand most of them.  So I culled.  Big time.  I will no longer follow people because they are (or were) the cool kids.  Take facebook for example.  I don’t follow those who were ass-tastic to me in high school.  Why?  Because I don’t give a rat’s patootie about what happened to them.  Why  in the world would I follow a blog?

I met a couple of the “big” bloggers in 2008 at BlogHer.  Want to know who was the nicest to me?  Dooce.  Out of everyone, the one who gets the most shit for her place in the blogging world was graciousness itself to me.  Kind, thoughtful, who listened and responded sincerely to what I was saying.  Even if she though I was an idiot, she absolutely didn’t act like it.  Others, were cold, aloof, and one of them literally looked down her nose at me.  I wanted to say “I filled up my free aol server space before you even knew Blogger existed.”

But I didn’t.

Every once in a while I get bent out of shape.  I’m not terribly witty.  I don’t have any vast knowledge to impart, although I’m great at giving advice.  So, no.  I’m not going to get recognition.  I’m merely here to chronicle my life using a platform that makes sense for my interests.  But every once in a while I want to get kudos for surviving.

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