Sparks and Butterflies...

We’re home again from our little trip to San Francisco. We had a wonderful time. We were very relaxed. We were in love. We were calm. No phones, no babies, no budget, no work. We just enjoyed each other. We visited the pier, the seals, the Golden Gate, the zoo. We were going to go dancing, but both nights, we just decided to stay in – hint, hint. I’m so glad we went, and I can tell Jay is too.

We’re going down south late next month. Joseph will be 6 1/2 months old when we go – and he’ll be taking his first airplane ride. I’m nervous. But, it’s better than having a screaming child in a car seat for 6 hours. Uggg.

It’s hot as hell here right now. We came from the ocean into a muggy icky place called San Jose. Gross. I can’t wait til the cooler weather happens. The baby won’t go to sleep ’cause he is so hot, so we’ve got him naked on a towel. Hopefully he’ll cool off for a little bit, calm down, and go to sleep. It’s already an hour passed his bedtime.

It’s very crazy at work right now… There’s a leadership thing next week, so a lot of the office will be out then. Then the next week, my boss goes on sabbatical. What this means is – I will run the office while she’s gone. I know I won’t look forward to the one day per week that she’ll be in – but it may mean I can get caught up on some stuff I’ve been holding off on. That would be nice. I hate feeling pressured at work. I work best under pressure. That’s so ironic. In order to do my best I must be tortured. Hmmmmm.

Something to think about.

Jay’s 24th birthday is this coming Monday. So, we’ve both taken a long weekend off of work, Joseph is going to Grandma and Granpa’s house, and Jay and I are going to San Francisco. It’s only 45 minutes away. Jay convinced me that if we stay in a cheap motel, we can afford it. We’ll go dancing, he told me to buy a new dress… We’ve never been anywhere with each other since our honeymoon. Trips to L.A. to visit my parents do not count. At all. I’m more stressed after those trips than before I left. I’m so looking forward to this little weekend thing. Spending time with my husband and lover. Talking to him, seeing things we’ve never seen together before, spontaneous fun… Oh, did I mention we’re not planning anything? We’re just going to do what we feel like. I’m so excited. I love him so much. And I really like the fact that he’s looking forward to this as much as I am. He actually WANTS to spend the time with me. I can’t tell you how wonderful that feels. To know that he wants me? It makes me feel so special, and loved, and lucky. And, I’ll admit it… Superior. Why? Because I have this wonderful man, and no other woman does. He’s been engaged before. But his other girlfriends have no idea what they lost in Jay. I can’t wait to spend this time with him.

Well. I’ve got a few random things to talk about. First of all, this whole yahoo/webring thing is annoying. I don’t host any webrings. However, I belong to a few, so this effects me as well. Just had to re-do one webring, since it moved to netring or ringsurf or something. I don’t mind doing it, but sheesh. They’re going to end up losing a lot of their sites. (Yahoo/webring I mean) This isn’t the first ring mentioning moving somewhere else.

I was actually interviewing for other jobs. I actually was just about ready to get an offer. But Jay and I talked about it, and decided that we would wait until after the first of the year, and then re-asess. Why? The job I was about to be offered was great as far as salary, benefits, etc. go. But it was something that I didn’t want to do. It was recruiting. I didn’t like recruiting while I was doing it. I like the other side of HR, after the people are already employees. My boss id going on a 6 week sabbatical. She needs someone who knows what they’re doing to run the office while she’s gone, not some newbie. Then after that, the holidays are upon us. Why is that a big deal you ask? Because where I work, we process about 5,000 volunteers during the season, and we’re only a 5 person department. They’re going to need my help. Plus Jay is going to be putting in his stuff for the marines, and I know before making any changes on our end, we should wait to see what the outcome will be on that end. I’m almost relieved. I was not looking forward to talking to my boss about this. Now, I’m glad that I didn’t. Plus, I think I may be getting a raise soon. I’m not sure yet. But it’s a possibility. That will be a big help, since that was the whole reason I was looking at other positions. I’m glad I looked though. I had a lot of responses, and it was a very encouraging thing to see. And you know what? I AM a good worker, I AM worth the money. I feel better about staying.

We will be going down to my visit my parents in the end of October. This should be interesting. Joseph will be 6 months by then. We’ll be taking him on a PLANE. I VERY nervous about this. I don’t want to be one of THOSE people. The ones whose babies scream at the top of their lungs… But it’s better than driving six hours and dealing with him in a carseat all that time. Anyone have any tips on traveling with a baby?

I’m really looking forward to not having to go to work tomorrow. I used to say “I’m really looking forward to sleeping in tomorrow”. Gee. But I don’t think that’s going to happen again until Joseph goes to college. At least he’s consistent.

A lady at my work just had a baby 4 weeks ago. She came in with him this week. I can hardly remember Joseph being that small, even though I know he was. What really gets me is the fact that she has her figure back. Completely. 4 weeks later. I still look 6 months pregnant, almost 5 months later. This is so depressing. I never have time to excersize. And when I do have some time to spare, I really don’t because I need to use that time to do laundry etc. I’m really not feeling too good about myself and how I look. I’m so icky and frumpy. If only I could figure out the right way to lose weight for me. The only thing that’s worked in the past was speed. I don’t think that’s a good idea at all, so that’s out of the question. So, now what? I feel so unattractive. Why can’t I be one of those thin, beautiful, glowing mommies. You know the kind. but No. I don’t glow, I sweat. I try to look nice, and the second I do, I have spit up on my shoulder. I’m one of those women now who can be termed “matronly”. I DON’T WANNA!!!!!!

Enough whining.

Hi there. Went to an oh-so-wonderful family gathering today. It was to celebrate a couple of birthdays. Great. We have the little jabbing comments made to one another from the grandparents. Then we have the aunt and uncle in the middle of the divorce. THAT was fun. Then there was the in-law that watches me like a hawk with Joseph. I swear she thinks I’m going to harm him. She acts as if she’s ready to jump in just in case. In case of WHAT, I’m not sure. It just drives me nuts. And Jay is in complete agreement with me. But he never sees it when it’s happening. He’s oblivious. I don’t get it. But when I point things out to him, he sees them. I’m fairly frustrated.

Joseph, who’s only 4 1/2 months old BTW, is teething. He has two teeth breaking through on his bottom gums, at the same time. Needless to say, he’s been needing his mommy a lot lately. Can’t seem to sleep without clinging to me, etc. The poor thing will even start screaming in pain while he’s still asleep. I feel so bad for him.

Oy. I feel like things are incredibly stressful now. All I want is a pedicure, and I can’t even get that. No money. No money for anything. We just paid rent. Arggg….. I need to scream at the top of my lungs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so fed up with everything right now. Tomorrow – my day off – I have to clean. Great. Yipppeee. I’ll be spending labor day working on my apartment. Anyone else see the irony in that?

Yes, I’m here. I know I’ve been terrible about updating, but I’m here.

I so want to talk about certain things, but I just can’t here. You see, if I put my name into a search engine, I’m the first site it pops up. Since only my husband and I know about these things, I don’t want anyone else to accidentally come across it. Uggg. It’s so much in the forefront of my mind, not to be able to write about it is killing me. If you’re really that interested, you can email me, and I’ll tell you – since I know all my personal people’s email addresses.

Someone actually put me up on their “Journals I read” site… Thanks! As a result I have more readers. I had no idea I was really being read regularly (or not so regularly – since I haven’t been writing very much).

Joseph is growing like you wouldn’t believe. He is so amazing. He can actually roll to his side now by himself. I’m proud of him. I plan on updating the photos page soon – I’ve got some more to post.

Jay had to have another root canal. Which means he’s drugged. Vicodin makes for a very silly man. So, of course i have to tease him mercilessly. I can’t help it. It’s the only time he’s a target.

Other than that, my life is same old stuff. Except for the stuff I can’t post. Arggggg.