Sparks and Butterflies...

Okay people… I know I’m not crazy. My mother-in-law has it in for me. I’ve passed the situation on to a couple of people, and their reaction was the same as mine. So, I know I’m not being overly sensitive. Here’s what happened. My brother-in-law is getting married next week. He was already engaged for a year from now, but it turned into a shotgun wedding and was upped. So. We can’t afford to go. I’m not sure I want to be there anyway – but that’s another story. So. My MIL wrote me an email, telling me to be sure that Jay reads his email, because she wrote him a request, and needs a response (she knows I check my email more often than he does). I tell him, and since I’m already online, I just switch over to his. So, we’re reading this email together. I was speechless. As a surprise, she’s willing to pay for 1/2 of one plane ticket for Jay to surprise his brother. Sorry, can’t afford Michele, I’m sure you understand. Please call her to give her a response. I think Jay was afraid to look at me. Here’s how I feel about this. A husband and wife are a team. You don’t invite one without the other, unless it’s something like a poker party for “the guys”. You DO NOT invite one 1/2 to the wedding and not the other 1/2. A family wedding. It’s just rude. I should clarify. I’m invited. If I can come up with the money, and book my own flight. Yeah, right. And they know this. Not only that, they can afford it. After some discussion (and I’ll admit, some ranting), we decided that Jay is going. No, he’s not happy about the situation. Yes, he’s upset with his mother. But we decided that this ticket thing, and his brother being married, are two completly seperate issues. Jay needs to be there for his brother, especially since his brother is sort of the pariah of the family – he needs someone there who is always there for him. So, we decided we should take advantage of the situation, and Jay should go. However, I added one caveat. Jay is taking Joseph, and I’m getting the weekend to myself. All by myself. The first in years. You see, Jay and I have never spent a weekend apart. Ever, since being married. So, I’m having a girlie weekend. In fact, the only two girlfriends I have down here have already made plans, minus men and children, together. I also, after a few days, decided that this doesn’t deserve my energy. I didn’t marry them. I married Jay. This doesn’t deserve so much energy and “Woe is me”. So, Ha! I’m going to have a weekend to myself!

In other news, Jay and I have a new hobby. It’s called the Society for Creative Anachronism. Medieval re-creation. Basically, take the ren-faire, and Medieval Times, then take away the tourists, and too much alcohol, and there you have it. Jay will begin training to be a fighter soon, and I’ve joined the sewing circle. It’s quite involved. Even the names we choose must be historically correct, and we have to be able to prove it, or we won’t be allowed to use it. It’s quite interesting, and something we can do as a family.

My job search is ging nowhere. I think it’ll pick up once I can print and send my resume out, instead of depending soly (soley? neither looks right) on the internet. I have a lot of leads, and no power cable to my printer. Of course, I need a special cord, and had to order it through the manufacturer. I should receive it tomorrow.

Joseph had his well baby visit today. The doctor didn’t seem concerned about his skin or his tantrums. He’s growing well and all that good stuff. And I didn’t feel like cattle (our first pediatrician appointment on this insurance). All in all, a great visit. Except that he got his next set of shots… Not too thrilled. He didn’t seem to hold it against me that I had to hold him there. However, you should have seen the look he shot the nurse after it was all done. I think the lower lip came out, and the eyebrows went together, and he glared. It was great.

I know it’s been a long time since I updated. But here I am. Let’s see… Joseph is growing by leaps and bounds. HUGE leaps and bounds. His vocabulary is improving every day.

We had the visit with the in-laws. I don’t really want to get into details (read: I can stop thinking about it now), but the visit went A LOT better than I thought it would. REALLY. So, I can now let it go and move on I think.

Jay is doing great. He wants a new tattoo. He designed it himself. It really is a great design. Jay is really quite talented with drawing. It’ll be a little bit of money, and he’s just going to have to wait until we have it. I control the purse strings around here, and so, he’s trying to negotiate with me. “If my paycheck is $xx, then can I get it?” We’re tight on money, and he’s just going to have to wait for a non-necessity.

Speaking of money, Joseph is going to be starting pre-school in about a year. Having heard about waiting list nightmares, I started the research and found the perfect school. Trouble is, preschool isn’t public. But I found a parenting co-op that I will be very comfortable sending Joseph to. We don’t have the tuition though. It’ll be $100 a month. Really not bad, since all the other schools in the area are $300 – $800 per month. This money is money we don’t have each month however. So, Jay and I came to the decision that I will be working again. You see, since Joseph was a month early, there are some skills he hasn’t gotten the hang of, which he should by this age. He should be all caught up by age 4 or 5. However, I’d rather he be caught up BEFORE he starts kindergarten. In other words, I think it’s really important he go to preschool. So, we decided I would work part time, from home. Easier said than done. Knowing that it could take a while to find the job, and we could use the savings anyway, I’ve started my search. It’s really difficult to weed through the scams. In addition to finding a “regular” work from home job using my skills, I’m trying to find other things to bring a little extra money in. So, I’ve signed up at a bunch of mystery shopper places, and I have signed up with a lot of survey things that pay money for opinions.

I am a trained and highly experienced assistant. I also have good knowledge of the Human Resources profession. If any of you know any good opportunities out there for me, I’d greatly appreciate it.

Other than that stuff, not much is going on. Joseph will have his first pediatrician’s appointment next month that will not be through Kaiser. This should be interesting. I injured my neck a couple weeks ago and had to go to the doctor. The doctor was not pleased at how long it had been since my last physical. It was a good feeling knowing that they were into those preventative kinds of things. I mean I’m due for my gynocological check-up, and that’s all that Kaiser was interested in. When I mentioned that to my new doctor, she said that no, she’d feel much better with a fill physical. Fine with me. So I have an appointment for all that stuff in September.

I lead a fairly boring normal life. I don’t argue much with Jay, Joseph’s too young for the angst parents usually have to put up with, and I don’t have an outside job. I’m finding I don’t have a whole lot to write about here.

Hi all… Well, let’s see. I’ve almost finished Joseph’s room. It’s absolutely adorable. I just have to put up a little coat rack I painted red. Then it’s officially finished. I’ve been working on the kitchen. I’m currently installing different drawer/cabinet pulls. THe border and window treatments are up. I will hopefully be done with that by this weekend. So, my in-laws will see half of the house finished.

Since my husband works nights, I’m alone most nights. 5-10 nights in a row. Sometimes this makes me a little sketchy. Last night, I was hearing noises when I went to bed. I had to get up, put my robe on, and check the house, and outside. I was so scared I was actually nauseous. It’s probably a good thing we don’t have that gun Jay wants to buy for protection. I probably would have had it out that night (I was THAT scared), and shot a toe off. I had a smoke, and watched a little TV. When I tried to go to bed again, there weren’t any noises, and I was able to sleep. However, when Jay comes home (about 5:30am), he kisses me. And I usually don’t wake up. This morning however, his weight on the bed (caused from last nights sketchiness) made me jerk awake, grab his arms, and scream into his face. Scared him out of his wits. Usually I may mumble and turn over. It was funny after we recovered from our mutual heart attacks.

When I got online tonight (my regular “Joseph’s in bed” wind down time), I was thinking how nice it would be to write a journal. Alas, my life as a housewife and mother doesn’t exactly lead to titilating entries.

Then I got “the email”. The email I’ve been dreading since I moved here.

My in-laws are coming for a visit. IN TEN DAYS. My house is not decorated. I’ve finished a hallway, and a bathroom. Granted, those two things look simply fabulous… They came out better than I pictured them. I’m thrilled with them. But before my in-laws came for a visit, I wanted the house DONE. I know I shouldn’t feel like I have to impress them. I know this. I know that it’s petty and superficial. However. My mother-in-law has extremely high standards set for me, for her son. I want to live up to them. The fact that I don’t is like telling the bull not to go for that pretty red scarf. My home is of particular interest. You see, my mother-in-law is an amature interior decorator. I don’t say that with one ounce of derision. She really is – she just doesn’t make money off of it. She played with starting a business, but then she just decided to keep it a hobby. So, I feel like I’ll be under a great deal of scrutiny. Less than half of the house is done! The rest is in stacks and (horror of horrors), boxes!!!!!!!! I think, maybe, I can manage to get Joseph’s room done in time. Maybe. I have all the ideas for that. But you had better believer I’ll be like a bat out of hell for the next 10 days. I was thinking that they would give me at least a month’s notice. But no. In addition to decorating, there will be that little detail of cleaning. You’ll be able to eat of the top of the toilet, and you can count on that.

We worked really hard to get the funds to be able to move, to pay off our debts, to be able to afford a two bedroom place. It took sacrifice to be able for me to stay home… The loss of a paycheck, and living next door to my parents are nothing to sneeze at. However, through all that working hard, I usually cried myself to sleep, and there are probably STILL toothmarks in my toungue from biting it before I said something disrespectful to those parties aforementioned. Living with my in-laws was no picnic.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.

I have to get as much of the house done as I can. You see, there’s a pride thing here. Yes, I believe pride is wrong. But – and this is simply past experience talking here – I do NOT need to have any weaknesses showing.

Believe me.

Well, Jay and I made a decision. We have decided that we’re ready for another baby. Well, Jay decided a while ago, but I needed some more time to think. So, we’re officially not not trying. In other words, no birth control. On the other hand, I don’t want pressure. So, no doctors, no ovulation control. If it happens it happens. If it doesn’t, I won’t worry for a couple of years probably. At first, I was completely NOT ready. But I think I might be able to handle it now.

Before I agreed with Jay, I gave a lot of thought to it. When I got to the point where I thought I could handle it, I gave Jay a list of conditions, which he agreed to.

He must take at least a week off of work. He actually worked the night our son was born.

I want to go to a birthing center, not a hospital.

If, due to my unique internal problems, we can’t, then I want to hire a doula to help me with the birth. Jay was more interested in seeing what was going on down there than helping with the pushing. A doula would just be helping me through the birth, and Jay can concentrate on watching his child born without worrying about me.

The last condition was that we not worry about it. No doctors etc. like I said before.

He agreed to all of my conditions, so, we’ll see what happens.

There might be a spot opening up in produce. Jay let them know that he would be interested in moving into that slot. I’m not sure how I feel about this. On one hand, sleeping with my husband would be wonderful. He would be gone during the day. We wouldn’t have to plan every little excursion to the last detail. We wouldn’t need to make a choice between seeing friends or spending time together, knowing that the opportunity might not come for another month. On his days off, he wouldn’t have to catch up on sleep. We could be like a normal family. He, for some reason, has always wanted to be in the produce department. On the other hand, he’ll no longer be a manager. He really likes the responsibility. He’s never been a manager before, and I’ve seen that it’s good for his self esteem. He likes working nights, since he can’t stand working with customers. He can cut loose, and listen to his music when he works. He doesn’t have a dress code. I told him that I didn’t want him to do this, just because I was honest and told him I didn’t like him working nights. I told him that I knew that he likes working nights, and that I’d rather have him do something he liked to do for his job. But he told me about wanting to work in produce, and that it was him who wanted it. And he told me that I needed to stop worrying, since it might not even happen. Ah well. I’m honestly sure what it is that I would want him to do. But I need to not worry, just like he said. It might not even be a possibility.