My surgery is Thursday. I have to say I’m nervous. I’m nervous of the pain afterwards, and I’m nervous of the anesthesia. I don’t want to throw up after, and I always have. I’m scared that I won’t be completely under when they start. I suppose all of that is normal. I want Jay to be there, not my mother. We’re not sure yet whether he will be able to. He has to use his normal days off for his own recovery, since his surgery is the day after. He’s checking into his sick leave to see if he can take the day off for me, and still be paid. But I know that I will be bloody, and I will be shaky after being under, and frankly, my husband has been there and helped me afterwards, and so I know how he is in the sight of blood, pain, and an out of it Michele. My mother? Not so sure. But, I’ll just have to make do.
I get to leave work
I get to leave work at 1pm today. There’s something about leav
ing and being out in the day, when you’re not usually out, that feels naughty. And getting paid for naughty? Well, I guess I’m just a prostitute! I had grand plans to make cupcakes and frosting, and candy dots, and these little bunnies and Easter eggs. So this morning (the morning of the Easter party at daycare) Jay wakes me up and says, “You forgot to make the cupcakes”. I burst into tears. My first mommy kid daycare bake sale party thing, and I forgot to make them! I started blubbering about what a terrible mother I am, and Jay hightailed it out to the grocery store. He bought decorated cupcakes, and then added my little Easter decorations. I love that man. I have GOT to get more organized at home. It’s a disaster zone. I should not have to walk the path that Joseph walks each night before I go to bed to make sure he can’t trip in the dark when he climbs into bed with me. But I do. That’s just wrong. I’m telling you, I’m ashamed for anyone else to see it. The kids want to see me when I get home, and it’s only about 45 minutes before their bedtime, so I spend all that time with them. Then it’s getting them ready. Then dinner for us, or me, depending on Jay’s work schedule. By that time it’s 9:30 or 10 and I’m pooped, and I just sit and vege in front of the TV or computer, or retire with a book. I don’t know what I’m going to do about it. But it’s very frustrating. I take my “role” as wife and mother very seriously. And Jay helps immeasurably. But, although I NEVER complain about it to him – if I want it done a certain way, I feel like I should do it, or keep my mouth shut and be grateful – I don’t like the way he does things. Part of my problem is that I’m a perfectionist. Seriously. I’m very hard on myself as far as that goes. But I’ve noticed, I’m not a perfectionist with the kids, or with Jay. Just myself. Very odd if you ask me. Anyway – I’ll have a couple hours before the kids get home this afternoon, maybe I get a dent in on my weekend cleanup? Ha! We’ll see.
Well and so. I always
Well and so. I always have the best of intentions. Really I swear! I sit here at work, at my computer, and I try to do an entry and it’s usually one of two things – either “everything is always the same for me. Nobody wants to read about that!” or “Oh my Gosh. I cannot think of one more problem or one more solution, and I simply don’t have the energy to rehash things right now”. It alternates between the two. Joseph turned 3 this past Saturday. Wow. I actually had a whole conversation on the phone with him last night. As in, he actually answered, and had something to say about what I was telling him. Still having accidents though. Still the temper from hell. I thought that his having a stronger vocabulary would help with that temper thin, but it hasn’t, If anything, it just gives him more in his arsenal of insults to hurl at us. He was calling me a bitch – still don’t know where he learned that as an insult because Jay and I have never ever called each other names. That didn’t go over too well with his father. Then he was calling people Fucker when he’s mad. That didn’t go over well with me. Then it was Stinker. That didn’t get the desired reaction, since we call the both of them stinkers, especially when a diaper needs changing, so that simply wasn’t insulting enough. At the moment, I know he’s calling us names, but we can’t punish him, because he’s insulting us in Spanish. We don’t speak Spanish. I know enough from high school to ask you your name, are you hot, and are you hungry. I can also ask for the bathroom, and recite the days of week. I cannot, however, call you a name. Joseph is the only one at his daycare that doesn’t speak Spanish, so by virtue of the environment, he’s soaking it up. But how can I punish him for something, when in truth I’ve no clue what’s being said? He seems to have clued in on this little nugget. Logan is the polar opposite of his brother. This is a good thing. If I had two Josephs, the top of my head would simply pop off and spin around. It wouldn’t be pretty. Logan is eating like a horse, and gaining weight, which is SUCH a good thing. He’s nowhere near catching up to his peers though in size. But he’s healthy, relatively speaking, and proportionate. And now that we’ve solved his vomiting problem, eating anything we can give him. In fact, the only time he really gets upset is when he’s hungry. Whether you’re doing something about it or not. You see, if he’s hungry, the world is ending; planets are colliding, life, as we know it, is over. Till you pop that nipple/spoon in his mouth, and the house breathes a sigh of relief, and you know all is right with the world again. Which is why I’m REALLY glad that he’s not got his brother’s temper. Jay only has a year of school left. I don’t know what will happen at that point, but we’re at the halfway mark now. I want this to be over. We’ve had over 3 years of not sleeping together, having to minutely plan every detail of our lives around his sleep schedule, and both of us in a constant state of sleep deprivation and household chaos. I’m ready for it to be over. I’m having surgery next week. Outpatient, but they’re putting me completely under. If you want to know what for, it’s kind of graphic. Email me, and I’ll tell ya, rather than gross everyone out all at once. I’m taking off Wednesday, since I will be apparently out of commission with tummy trouble. I’m getting laxatives AND an enema, ’cause they want my stomach as empty as it can be. The surgery is Thursday. Then Jay is going to have a minor outpatient procedure on Friday. Depending on how I feel, my father may have to take him. Ugg. Imagine having something done in a private place, and then having your father-in-law take you home? Yuck. But I couldn’t help the scheduling of mine, and he couldn’t help his, so here we are. I got my hair cut and colored. I also got it blow dried straight. I don’t know about this. Don’t think I like the cut; I can’t get it straight to save my life. The only thing I like is the color. I’m doing the mommy thing tonight. Making 4 gazillion cupcakes for Joseph’s friends for their little Easter party. Have a wonderful Easter everyone!!
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