Sparks and Butterflies...

where did my money tree go? Hmmm. It’s going to be really expensive to stay in Tae Kwon Do. But we’ve decided to do it. Not happy about the money, but there are so many benefits to us as a couple, us as individuals, it’s just something we need. And I love the fact that there isn’t any mysticism involved. It’s about learning enough to be self reliant (in a good way, not in an idolotrous way) and then passing on that knowledge to others, that they can do this. We have meditated, but it’s been in a catch-your-breath-something’s-coming-up way. For example, they had us meditate for about 5-10 minutes before I tested, breathing, and I prayed. So – we’re going to find a way to do this. We feel that we need to keep it up. But it’s going to mean sacrifices. Especially since all of that stuff is going on that I mentioned yesterday. An update on yesterday’s entry… The strike may happen on Oct. 5th. We don’t know that for sure, but it’s getting closer, since that’s the first actual date we’ve heard of. This is scary to us. Jay won’t be receiving a paycheck, and we don’t know how long it’s going to last. In the next 6 months or so there are a lot of changes coming – the big kind. FlyLady is working for us. It’s a wonderful thing, and Jay’s been helping me. It’s much more calm at my house. Good things can happen when a scale isn’t involved. What has been your most memorable (or important) non-scale victory to date? 2 things. When my \”skinny-look-hot-on-date-night\” jeans got so big I needed a belt to keep them up. And when I had to have a size 14 dress for a wedding, and THAT needed to be altered because it was a little too big (when I thought I’d need a size 18). Of course the jeans thing is a doubel edged thing – I have no money to buy new jeans. So I wear a belt and hope for the best.

There are so many balls in the air, and we have so many things hanging over our heads. Jay’s union may strike. Which means, if they do, that he won’t be working or getting paid for the duration. Jay finishes school in 4 months. Which means he will be getting another job, in a new career, for less money than he’s making now. In the long run, this is a good thing. The the short term, it’s going to suck. Because the pay will be less, but the child care will go up (full day), and the student loans will come due in 6 months. In addition to that, I might be laid off. Our company might be bought out, which means the L.A. office would be moving to Europe. Which means, I’m outta here. I don’t think my boss (the Pres.) is willing to relocate to Europe, so perhaps I’ll move the wherever he moves to? That or I’m out of a job. In addition the THAT, our lease has come up for this office space, and our real estate department in New York isn’t sure whether they’re going to sign for another year, or move us to the studio (which will be a moot point if the buy-out goes through). Joseph really needs to go to pre-school. I think he’s ready both in age and mental capacity. But we don’t know what’s going to happen with Jay’s work/location. We’re not sure what’s going to happen with my work/location. And I don’t want to pull him out of school to go to another school, so I think we’re going to wait and see what happens on all these fronts before we make a decision about his schooling. We were going to have him go to school a block from Alma, which would be perfect. But that district closed the permits that said the child could go there if the care-provider was in the area. I just don’t know what we’re going to do.

So, this morning hasn’t been too great… Was on the road for work for 2 hours. Then I got pulled over for a speeding ticket. My second in my life, my first since being 18. Not thrilled. Means more money out the door, and traffic school to boot. We went to the tournament on Saturday. Bottom line: we want to compete. So.

Drumroll please… Michele (and Jay) is a yellow belt!! I did it! I actually did it! I’m so proud of myself. I was so nervous I almost threw up yesterday when I thought about the test coming up. But I did it! I stuttered a bit during the question/answer part of it, but I always stutter when I’m very agitated. I had the right answers though. And I was the only one that Master Shinn didn’t correct during my poomse (20 position routine). AND we got patches that we have to sew on to our do boks (uniform). Everyone got one for whatever they did best out of everyone testing. Jay got \”Best Form\”, one little boy got \”Best Split\”, one boy got \”Most Improved\”, and I got \”Best Kicking\”. I’m very very proud of myself. Going to lunch with Amy today.

I’m testing tomorrow for my yellow belt and it’s all I can currently think about. I’m scared. Jay has 6 nights off starting tonight, which will be really wonderful. I’m very excited about this. I’m weighing in tonight at Weight Watchers and I don’t think I’m going to like the results. I’m going through something, and I’m not sure I like what it says about me. I have a friend, Amy, whom I’ve mentioned here. She’s my best friend, the one who just had her wedding. Well, we’ve known each other since high school. She has another best friend, Stacey, who lives in Washington, where Amy’s dad lives. Now, Stacey is moveing here to start a new job, and is going to live with Amy and Dana for a little while, while she gets on her feet. She couldn’t find any work in Seattle. I’m very nervous about this. Don’t get me wrong. I love Stacey. She and I know each other through Amy, and I don’t have a problem with her in the least. This isn’t about her. I’m worried about her being here, that I’m going to not be important to Amy anymore. I’ve always felt in my secret heart of hearts that I was the \”replacement friend\” – since she lived out of town. In fact, that’s exactly what I WAS during the wedding. Since she was out of state, I did most of the Maid (matron in my case) of Honor duties, since Stacey couldn’t from where she was. I feel like I’m about to lose my best friend. And I feel very small for thinking that way. This move is good for Stacey. She’s starting a very good job, and is going to have the opportunity to get financially secure before moving into her own place, and Amy is going to finally live in the same town as her oldest friend in the whole wide world. So why do I feel like I’m going to be left out in the cold? No one has given me that impression at all. It’s all in my head, and I know this, and yet I can’t help but feel the dread building up. Serving sizes vary so much from label to label. What food has a serving size that really surprises you, or what food really challenges you to stick with it’s serving size? Some of the cereals, the more high fiber ones, surprise me in a good way. I can have more than I thought I could. What really challenges me though – pasta. A serving is one cup. This isn’t enough for me personally for pasta. It is really my trigger food. Big time. I have to save up my points, or whatever, so that I can just have as much as I want. Otherwise, I have to comepletely stay away from it. One cup? Ha! That’s a snack.