Sparks and Butterflies...

With all the BS that’s going on in my life right now, I realized something today. I’m calm. Because I have a calm environment. There have been about 4 nights when I just DID NOT want to do my FlyLady routine. But I self-talked my way through it. I told myself the truth. That I would berate myself for not doing it, calling myself a bad wife and mother, and tomorrow night it will be even worse, until it’s such a mess I’ll feel so overwhelmed that I paralyze myself. It’s not worth it. So I did it. The self talk worked! I didn’t make myself feel like a horrid woman! My house is still a calm place (if you don’t count the toddlers running around). I was able to relax without thinking I was sacrificing something else. And best of all it only took about 20 minutes. It’s so nice to create a haven. I had my weigh in yesterday, and I lost 3 pounds. So I’m back on track as far as that goes. I’m glad of that. The scale was starting to do a creep back up. Not good. But I actually think it was also a combination of gaining muscle as well, and my metabolism and body shifting to deal with this newly active Michele. Perhaps it got the message! It was a big burst of ego for me. I’m not all the way down to my low before the creep up, but I’m only about 3 more pounds from that, and then I’ll be losing \”virgin\” weight again. All in all, even with everything going on, I’m feeling more enthusiastic about life.

Can someone please explain to me why all my plans fo awry? From little things – like me planning what to cook for dinner, and coming home to Jay already having fed himself and the kids Mac and cheese, to the big things, like his surprise party being cancelled. It really gets me down. I am no longer going to be in the Tae Kwon Do demonstration this Saturday. My parents had to go out of town on an emergency this morning, and my friend Amy is in Washington at the moment, so I have no one to watch the kids. So I have to drop out, and Jay’s going to be in it. This sucks. What was the best piece of advice or tip you’ve received in regards to weight loss and fitness issues? Probably that it’s a lifestyle change, not a diet. In order to keep this up, and keep it that way when my goal is reached, it’s a lifestyle change. I need to excersize regularly for health reasons. I want to be able to really play with my grandkids one day. I need to make healthy choices MOST of the time, in order to stay that way. It’s a change of mental attitude, not a quick fix, and when I reach goal, I’m not \”done\”, I’m just getting started.

So. Jay got in a fight at work. Actually, someone who has an issue with him attacked him. They were separated, his boss saw the whole thing, so there shouldn’t be fall out. Jay wasn’t hurt, the guy can’t fight, and Jay with held himself, so that he didn’t hurt the guy. Needless to say, the strike has everyone on edge and ready to lash out. It’s this Sunday. We can’t afford this. Not with a lay-off on my horizon etc. I feel like our whole little world is falling apart, and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Jay and I have been asked to be in 2 Tae Kwon Do demonstrations on Saturday. It’s going to be in the little town 2 blocks from me at the annual Oktoberfest festival. There will be board breaking done by all. Yikes. And there are extra training sessions this week. Boy am I sore. Really really sore. Still no news on the strike, and this date is still set for this Sunday. It’s very nerve-wracking to know that in less than one week you will be getting half your income for God knows how long. -an activity and interest that my husband and I can do and love together -the fact that FlyLady is working for me -I can and am making Christmas gifts this year instead of buying expensive gifts -I have caring parents who understand about the strike, and being 50 year union members, will help us financially if need be.

limbo – and not the good kind I have this weight of Jay’s strike hanging over me. It will be the loss of a paycheck for us. This is very scary. I can’t seem to stop thinking about it. October 5th is the current date. What are we going to do? There isn’t anything else really going on, so I guess that’s why my mind is on it so much. Work is picking up a little bit. The future aquisition is creating more work. In and of itself – that is a good thing. Our sparring gear is coming in on Tuesday. Meaning Thursday, we’ll be able to actually fight. I’m nervous. Am I going to have the guts to really kick someone like I mean it? I never want to hurt anyone. Jay thinks I’ll be really polite until I get a hit a good one. He thinks that then I won’t have a problem with throwing a few of my own. We’re going to be able to spar together. We weren’t sure that was going to happen – in tournament it’s gender specific, so we asked. He said that it will depend on what he thinks about my fighting. He doesn’t want to put me in to fight with Jay if I’m going to get messacred. While we are the same belt and experience, Jay is a former Marine and the instructors know it. In fact, one of the senior students (a blackbelt) who sometimes leads stretching and warm-up, he told Jay that he can’t watch Jay do push-ups anymore. Jay does it how it’s supposed to be done, looking up at a target, instead of down at the floor. His face gets red, and he concentrates. In other words, he looks mean. So Marshall told Jay he just doesn’t watch him anymore. My husband, the yellow belt, scares the competing black belt. No wonder they’re reticent about putting him in the ring with me. Anyway – everythings all jumbled and up in the air, and scary, with career changes, graduations, strikes, and lay-offs (not to mention pre-school) looming on the horizon. I hate living in the limbo, waiting for that other shoe to drop.