Sparks and Butterflies...

Things are not looking up around here. Talks for the strike just ended, with no progress, and no plans for new talks. Great. Jay’s looking for another job. But he probably won’t find one until mid-January, maybe. People have other stuff going on and don’t usually hire during the holiday season. But it has to be a night job for him, because of school. We’re in the weird sort of limbo. He needs a job. His job, on the strike line, is hovering. So, he wants to find another job, but it would only probably be for the next 3 months since he graduates and plans on finding a new job in his new field then. It’s all so discombobulating. I love that word. Anyway, we’re (stuff like that is always a group effort for us) looking for a job for him now. Ug. We got a tree last night. There is a Christian youth missions group that sells them every year to fund their projects. We got a 7 footer there for $30, which is a good price for a full 7 feet. And it is probably the most beautiful tree I’ve ever had, to be honest with you. No bare spots, very full bottom. With all the lights on it, it’s just gorgeous. I can’t believe I’m saying this… When we can afford it, I’m interested in buying an artificial tree. There. I’ve said it. There are needles ALL OVER my frickin’ house. And there was some sort of wasp in the tree, which Jay found when he was setting it up, and it stung him. he found it on the floor under the tree, and ran to pick it up with kleenex to take it outside, ’cause the babies were right there, and it stung him through the kleenex. His thumb is a little swollen at the moment, and he said it hurts like crazy. This wouldn’t happen with an artificial tree. And don’t get me started on the lights. But there’s just something about going to the tree lot, and it’s cold, and the smells, and the lights, and picking it out. That look of joy on Joseph’s face when we told him that huge thing was OUR tree was simply priceless. And the way it makes our house smell. I’m not sure the tradeoff off having to vacuum more vs. all of that is worth it. I guess it’s all a package. At this point Jay and I aren’t having a Christmas. I had bought the makings for gifts for everyone else a long time ago, but I just don’t think I’ll be able to complete them in time, so they are just going to not get gifts if I don’t. I’m hoping that my boss will give me the same gift he gave me last year. $200. (He’s got a lot of money and he’s very kind and generous). It’s terribly greedy for me to hope that he will do the same thing this year. If he does, Jay and I will be able to give to each other. But I won’t know until our party on the Friday before Christmas. Everything is so up in the air right now. One of our best friends who works with Jay crossed the line and went back to work. I don’t know if we will continue to be friends. When people cross the lines, it makes it a longer process for the people striking. And you would think that it wouldn’t be personal – but after 9 weeks of being spit on, alcohol thrown on you, and obscenities yelled in your face (every single night mind you), 4 911 calls, etc. later, it gets personal. I don’t know that they will get past this. I hope so. But you know what they say about politics and religion. Don’t talk about it if you want to stay friends. Well this is definitely a political thing in their world. God I hate this. I truly do. And I am helpless to do anything but watch. All I can do is continue to work, bring in that paycheck, and let Jay I’m totally behind his positions and decisions. And I’m doing all that. But he’s almost a broken man. It’s so difficult to watch.

This has been a week of hell, it truly has. Everything that could go wrong at work, has. I was here last night until after 8pm fixing stuff. I hate weeks like this. Logan has a cardiologist appointment today. Hopefully all will go well. I nearly panicked. These appointments happen every other month, and they’re $600 + per appointment. I had thought that the kids lost their insurance as of Dec. 1st sue to the strike. I called the union, and it turns out that it didn’t end until Dec. 31st, thank God. I’m feeling a lot of animosity and sadness about Christmas this year. I can’t buy presents. I think we’re doing $10 at the dollar store for Joseph, and that’s it. That’s the best part of the whole thing for me. I get to buy for people. I’m very good at it. But giving people stuff for no reason (ie: birthdays, big occasions like babies, and Christmas) tends to make people uncomfortable (they wonder if they need to reciprocate, and don’t understand the whole \”just because\” idea). So this is my big time of year where I get to figure out what would be perfect for them, and I become a detective – what do they need, what do they like, what do they want? I love it. And this year I can’t do it. We’re going to get a tree. I don’t know how yet, but we will. I hate this strike. It has to end this week if it will effect our Christmas, since once he goes back to work it’ll be 2 weeks til he starts getting paychecks again. I hate this. I simply truly hate it. I feel poor, I feel helpless. I can’t do the things that need to be done (car maintenance). I can barely get groceries. And worse, I will not be able to give anything to my wonderful husband on Christmas, my favorite day in the whole year. I want to cry.

Thanksgiving went well. But Lord that’s a lot of cooking for so little eating time. After my parents left, I laid down on the floor, you know, \”Just for a minute\” before I started cleaning up. I fell asleep on the floor. But, there wasn’t arguing, and the food was decent enough. Logan got his Synergis shot, and didn’t react to it, which is a good thing. He’ll get one a month for 6 months. Oh Yay. But, if it helps him to NOT get RSV, it’s fine and dandy. Jay and I got our purple belts. 🙂 Things get harder from here I think. Jay had to bow out while we were working out yesterday. He’s never had to do that before. He thinks he pushed it too much after being on a break. But the fact that he had to bow out makes me feel better about when I had to fall out. Less of a wuss, since he’s the best in the class. Christmas is going to be bleak this year. I might be able to come up with the money for a tree. I might not. And I think $20 at the dollar store for the kids. And that would be it. This strike really hurt us. And continues to hurt us. We’ll be losing our health insurance soon. That would include Logan, and Synergis, and his cardiologist. I just don’t know what my insurance will cover on him. I lost a tooth on my upper right, so I have this nice big ugly space. It was a baby tooth. I have 3 left that still need to fall out. All of them then need permanent bridges to fill the gaps. My insurance just let me know that they will not cover the bridge for this. Because the tooth fell out, as opposed to me having it extracted. GGGrreeeeaat. And it will cost $2250, which is money I don’t have. And won’t have. And will take me at least a year, more if the strike doesn’t end soon, to save up. So, instead, I get to look like a hick for at least a year. beautiful. I’ve been getting depressed a little more each day. Perhaps because I love to give gifts, and no that I really won’t be this year. Or just that nothing seems to be getting better, just slowly worse. I don’t see an end in sight. And what makes it more difficult is the fact that we were just barely starting to get on our feet. I’m sick of talking about it, and yet, it seems that’s all I do. I suppose it’s in the forefront of my mind.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all! I’m thankfull to have my family to help us during this difficult time. I’m thankfull that Jay’s schooling will be over in a few short months. I’m thankfull that he’ll be going to days when that happens. I’m thankfull that my parents help with the kids so much. and finally, I’m thankfull that Logan hasn’t yet needed his heart surgery. So. Thanksgiving. I love holidays, I really do. I love this time of year. It is my favorite. What I don’t like is when plans fall through due to no fault of your own and you end up doing the dinner at your house with 2 days notice, no money, and a grocery strike going on. But, I will be triumphant! Here’s the menu: crudites Champagne Apple Turkey Stuffing (courtesy of my mother, since dad won’t eat any but hers) cranberry jelly green bean casserole my special corn dinner rolls candied yams pumpkin pie & whipped cream I’m making everything from scratch except for the stuffing – my mom’s making it, and the pie. In our little house that doesn’t even have room for a table. Interesting. But I will make it work. The whole family holiday thing is very important to me, and no one will be celebrating Christmas with us, so this is sort of the big family holiday celebration.

I took my test last night for the purple belt. I don’t technically know if I passed, but Master Shinn told everyone \”Congratulations,\” so I’m just not sure. I guess we’ll find out on Tuesday. But they really threw me. I guess I had no idea what to expect. I knew all the answers to the questions for this test in the handbook. And I learned my poomse. We did do the poomse, but they didn’t ask any questions. And there was an endurance test, and I sucked at it, because I’m getting (yet another) cold. Then they had us do sparring excersizes, and then free sparring. It was supposed to be light contact so we weren’t any protective gear. I’ve NEVER EVER sparred. I was really really sick when they were sparring in class, so I just haven’t been there when they’ve done it. I don’t even know the rules. What’s my target? What’s allowed? Can I go for the head/face? Can I go for the legs? Afterwards, teacher’s pet that I am, told Instructor Abel that I had never sparred, because I didn’t want to have it held against me. He replied, \”I know,\” in a voice that said that he knew, and threw me into the deep end on purpose. We also had to break a board, thicker than one we’ve ever done before, 1/2 inch. Which I did, no problem, I just wasn’t expecting it. It was supposed to be light contact on the sparring, but I managed to get myself slightly injured. I blocked a blow, and it hit the meaty under part of my forearm. My hand went numb, and the muscle went into spasm. I used our heating pad when I got home and a couple hours later, the muscle unclenched thank goodness. I’ve got a very slight bruise there (which is amazing since I bruise so easilly) and the muscle underneath is extraordinarilly tender, but at least it’s not in spasm anymore. Frankly, I’m not sure I deserve that purple belt, but then again, I’m not the one in the position to make that decision – Master Shinn is. We’ll see what happens on Tuesday. Jay has his first interview for a freelance job. Very cool. I can’t talk about it due to a confidentiality agreement. But Jay is very excited, and he interviews tomorrow. The kids are all sick again, with some pretty nasty colds. Unfortunately, Logan has a Synergis shot on Tuesday. I’m hoping that either his cold is better, or that they’ll do the shot anyway, because it’s supposed to help prevent RSV, and it’s sort of now or never.