Sparks and Butterflies...

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I’m FINALLY starting to feel a bit better. I can’t really get into it right now – I just don’t have the energy to hash it out – but we might have Joseph seen by a specialist. As in getting a referral to a pschiatrist. You wouldn’t think so, since he’s only almost 4, but the child is just simply too too too violent. There’s something wrong here. He’s not like a normal 4 year old. Jay and I are going to discuss it. We’re starting to worry for Logan’s safety around his brother. God, this is so painful. All I ever wanted since I was a little girl was a normal family. Now, I’ve got one who may need a heart transplant, and the other I’m trying to keep from growing into a homicidal freak. What am I going to do when they’re teenagers. I’m 28, and my hair is – literally – going gray. Silver to be more precise. Stuff that’s more fun than a lot of substance, since I just don’t have the extra brain power right now…

I’m still sick. This is really annoying to me. I finished my last antibiotic today. It’s a special kind, that will keep on going for another 4-5 days. I have no energy whatsoever. Everything is annoying to me. I hate feeling this way. Joseph has backslid on the potty training. He still goes number one on the potty, but all of a sudden he’s going number two in his pants. Arg. Parenting is hard. There is a reason we’re not having any more kids. A friend of mine, Carrie (and her husband Evan), are having a difficult time of it. Their daughter just started having seizures (she’s 6 months old), and after being normal up to this point, will probably be severly mentally retarded. I feel so bad for them. They’re the nicest people you’ll ever meet, and if this was to happen, this child will be taken care of in the most loving manner – she couldn’t have been born to better people. The hard part, however, is they just don’t know. They don’t know WHICH parts will develop and which won’t. They just know it’s bad. And as I know with Logan, the not knowing, the waiting-and-seeing is the hardest part. OK, so he’ll need a transplant, fine. Oh, but you don’t know when? It’s just snarky and stupid. I don’t like life right now. I just feel like everything is just too much to handle at the moment. Why can’t everything be happy, and contented, and pretty, and homey. Why does it always have to be dirty clothes, and snot, and poop, and whining, and stepping on that GAL DARN HOT WHEEL for the third time that day. Sigh

I’m sick. Nasty cold. Makes everything harder to deal with. My mother is in the hospital. It took them 3 days to figue out that she has pneumonia, along with dangerously low blood pressure. She went to the doctor on Monday, and the actually sent her to the hospital in an ambulance. The low blood pressure has made her a bit delusional. She should be coming home tomorrow, provided they can stabilize her a little more. Then she’ll be on bed rest. As a result, I’m not getting my bext belt. The test is tomorrow. And I’m not going to be able to go, since we don’t have anyone to watch the kids. So Jay will go, test, and get his next belt, and I’ll be behind him. Because I won’t be able to take the test until the next round, in 2 – 3 months. Totally sucks. Jay’s going to be in a TKD tournament next month. I’m not ready. But he most definitely is. I hope he does well. It will be such a disappointment to him if he doesn’t. Other than that, nothing is going on. The kids are the kids. We’re kind of status quo right now, since we know that everything is going to change again in a couple of months.