Sparks and Butterflies...

It’s December. What used to be my favorite time of year. I can’t seem to get into the spirit. Partly because we weren’t supposed to be here, we were supposed to go up north. But that’s not possible right now, and we just made the final decision yesterday. So now I’ve got to decorate and all that. But we have no money for any gifts (we’re relying on grandparents for the kids), and I’m just so not in the mood. Sigh. I’ve even been watching the corniness that is the tree lighting at Rockerfeller Center, and that whole Nick and Jessica Family Christmas thing in an effort to get in the mood. I’ve got little kids! I’ve got to get myself together! Who wants a scrooge for a mommy this time of year? Jay is in Georgia still, training for his new job, and loving every minute of it. This is really exciting for him. He comes home on Saturday. The job hunt isn’t going too well. I’m still going to interviews, but I’ve had no offers. And my severence has run out. I have no idea if I’m going to be able to send the kids to the babysitter next week in order to go on interviews, because the money won’t be there. Jay doesn’t get his first paycheck until next Thursday (maybe even the next week). Sigh. I really need to get myself out of this funk. The kids deserve a mom who bakes cookies for Santa, and at this point I just want to shove them down his jolly throat.

Jay got a webcam as a gift. You can now see my mug: So Jay got that dream job he wanted! This is a very good thing – both monetarilly and for his self image. He flies out to Georgia (try saying Alpharetta, Georgia ten times fast) the week after Thanksgiving. Get this – paid training for a week, first class, limo, suite… When he starts his actual job the next week, his own office, with a window. He’ll be in charge of the computer graphics for the West Coast for his company. It’s only a dollar more an hour than the other job, but for a reputable company with a national presence, holidays, sick, vacation, and benefits. Plus we won’t have to worry about his taxes since he’s a real employee. This will be good for him. I, however, am still unemployed. And not happy about it. But, at least I qualify for unemployment, so that’s something. So far, I’m done with interviews until after Thanksgiving, unless someone calls me next week. I doubt they will though. The whole hiring thing seems to be slowing down for the holidays, which of course is not good for me. I had a couple of good prospects, but so far they’ve said no. I’ve got one really good one, but they were supposed to call me on Friday, and didn’t. And didn’t return my call – which just doesn’t sound good to me, but I’ll just have to be patient until Monday. Sigh. I really do not like job searching. The businesses are moving right along. We’ve not been able to concentrate on either one as much, but as soon as everything goes back to normal – or at least to some kind of routine, we’ll be able to get back to building them up. I have to admit, I’m jealous. I’m jealous of Jay. And I feel awful about it. I’ve been out of work for two weeks, and have actually been interviewing for the last 4 weeks, and nothing. He goes on one interview, and they tell him right there if he passes drug & background, he’s in. I’m jealous and feel like a heel for feeling that way. But, I also am trying my darndest not to show him, because it’s been 6 months since I’ve seen him smile (ever since he started working for that jerk) this much. I’m NOT going to rain on his parade. He deserves this. But I can’t help feeling disgruntled. We had a date night tonight. It’s been a long time, and we know it will be even longer. So, here was the plan. Seeing National Treasure, then dinner at Benihana. No big deal. Huh. So, the kids slept late for their nap, so we got them to my parents late, which means I was late getting ready. When I tried to order the movie tickets online, the site had an error and I couldn’t. Get to the movie theater – and Jay was grumpy ’cause we were late – and it was sold out. Okay, we’re not going to let this ruin our night. Since it was in a big mall, we wander around, since we never get a chance to just browse without a goal. Got some fresh music, a gift for the white elephant party we have coming up, etc. Tried calling the restaurant to bump up the reservation, and they said no – too busy. Okay fine. Wandered some more, and decided, since it was chilly, to go and have a drink in their bar. We did, and we people watched, and went to the table, and it was good food. Of course, the cook at our table was a hispanic man named \”Chavo\”, but it was still good. Sat with three other couples. We chatted with the couple next to us. The couple across from us was so so so pimp daddy/trophy wife. I shouldn’t say that, since they really were into each other and paying attention to each other, and giggling together. But just pucture this – Man: white, nice slacks, mustard colored expensive silk shirt, and expensive wool coat over it, shaved bald, goatee, bling on right hand, chunky gold bracelet on one arm, gold watch on other arm. His wife(? – she had a ring, he didn’t):gorgeous exotic thin black woman, impeccably groomed, model material – seriously think Tyra Banks, expensive jeans, cute Manolo Blanik type shoes, leopard print bra, white bustiere, and short fur bolero. Very interesting to watch. So we eat, and it was VERY good. We go to leave. While we were in the restaurant it started to rain. I don’t mean rain, I mean torrential downpour. The outside of the restaurant was flooded – no more sidewalk. We parked in the valet parking and had to wait – in the rain – for the valets who didn’t see us. We hear the nice couple from our table talking, and they had parked across the street, and couldn’t make it over there. When I say flooded, I meant, no sidwalk, and it would have gone to the woman’s crotch if they tried to cross. So we put the car seats in trunk and drove them over there – good deed number one. Jay accidentally gave the valet the $20 in his pocket instead of the $1 dollar bills he had in his other pocket – good deed number two. Then we had to drive in that home. It was an interesting date. Even though everything seemed to go wrong, we had a good time together, which is what counts. And the food was good – that can always redeem anything 🙂 I’ve blathered on long enough.

Okay. Here I am still alive and kicking. The change in the picture, however, is that my husband and I (and I guess by default our two kids) are unemployed. Oh boy. First, Jay’s job. His boss was an asshole (pardon the language). He called Jay a \”Stupid mother fucker\” in front of the other employees – over a subjective aesthetic matter, not over a structural absolute. After a while, he just couldn’t take it. When the boss wanted him to come in on his day that he’s supposed to work at home – and the boss know’s he didn’t have childcare on that day, and had both kids. The boss said, \”I don’t care, figure it out.\” So Jay quit. The good news it, he almost has a new job. He’s applied. He’s interviewed twice. He’s filled out the required paperwork. He’s done the pee test. We’re now awaiting the results of the pee test and background check. If those go through clear, then he will go to Georgia for a week paid training next week. If I get a job, I don’t know how we’ll work it out, but we will. But this is a REAL job. An hour more an hour, as a real employee, so we don’t need to wrory about taxes, and benefits, sick leave, and vacation. And a regular paycheck with a real company, not a personal check, when the guy feels like coming in, even if it’s the next week. We’ve got our fingers crossed for it – Jay is really excited. If they don’t offer it to him, then he’ll go balls-to-the-wall to find anything else, such as stocking at Office Depot. But, we’ll see. My last day at my job was Friday. And I still haven’t gotten a check. I’m not pleased about that. As for me, I might be getting a job offer this afternoon. Maybe. I’ve done two interviews, and tested, and then when I was waiting for today (they have one more internal interviewee they have to see), they emailed me ANOTHER test yesterday – this time it was a personality test. What is with the testing these days? Can you tell me this? And my credit it absolutely none of your business. In addition, everytime you run my credit, you worsen my score. In addition, employees tend to be the opposite they are in their personal life. Oh yeah, and my husband was on strike for 8 months. If you want to see if I’m a criminal, I totally understand. You won’t find a criminal history in my credit report, however, and it’s none of your business. I can’t tell you how that irks me. As if money problems make me a worthy person or not. Really pisses me off. Anyway, I’ll hear about that job this afternoon one way or another. I have an interview tomorrow. I’ve been intervieweing every day for about the last 3 weeks. I’m getting really really tired of that new suit bought for the occasion. Anyway – things aren’t great, but there really seems to be some good things on the horizon. But you know you can never really reach the horizon, so we’ll see how it all works out. Sorry, my inner pessimist just reared her ugly head.

Everything here is still status quo. We’re supposed to find out more details about our \”termination\” (isn’t that an awful word for getting rid of employees?) by the end of this week. Since it’s Wednesday afternoon, hopefully we don’t have much more time to wait. Jay STILL hasn’t heard from Blockbuster. I’d like to take a moment and say that we have started the other business officially. Jay’s going to a meeting where they show the plan again this evening to get more of a grasp as our official \”people person\” since I am sooooo NOT a people person. I have kept up on the administrative side of things, and I will go to the next meeting by myself next time. My parents are out of town for another 2 weeks, so we have to alternate due to the lack of babysitting, since we cannot seem to give our heathens to teenagers to watch. We just can’t make ourselves do it. I was a teenage babysitter. We were teenagers. Not going to happen. Anyway, tonight is Jay’s night. The new business is at it’s basic level a shopping portal that promotes \”prosumerism\” – getting something back for what you have to buy anyway for your household. I’ve added a link to the new business, of course, but here it is anyway… NovaNetworks and the password is \”ebiz\”. We had an earthquake yesterday, which was oh-so-fun in my 5th story office. I’m so tired of living in limbo. I can’t wait to find out about the demise of my current employement so I can actually start making a plan. The good news is, I’m headed back on the right track spiritually speaking, which in and of itself is making me at least slightly calmer about things in general.

So… I don’t remember if I mentioned it before, but I’m definitely getting laid off. My last day will be Dec. 31st or earlier. I would love to stay home full time and really concentrate on my new business, and Jay & I’s new business together (more on that later), but we simply have to have medical coverage and Jay doesn’t – we have to have it for Logan’s heart appointments. I’m not looking for a new job yet. I want to wait until we get official word on the actual date of departure (for starting the new job, whatever that will be) and frankly, it’s because of them I have to leave, so I want my severance! Yay – just one more thing to worry about. So, Jay’s aunt and uncle have invited us into their business, and we (after so much thought and prayer and pros and cons it’s not even funny) have decided to join them. When the website is done, I’ll add a link. We don’t know what this will lead to, but we agreed to give it a year of honest trying, and then re-evaluate in a year. The kids have been gone for almost a week with the grandparents in San Jose. It was only supposed to be for a couple of days, but then Jay’s mom got called in for jury duty, and they couldn’t drive the 350 miles to bring them back, and they’re stuck with them. Heeeeeee They’re coming back tomorrow. We’ve learned that silence is golden. I’m still sick from my cold of three weeks ago. I’m going to the doctor next week if I don’t start feeling better. This is beyond ridiculous. Jay and I are trying so hard to get by, so hard to get ahead, so hard to try and find our place that we want to be, and it’s just not working. Years now. But we both feel that big changes are a coming.