Sparks and Butterflies...

But aside from that, she's still completely normal

a better depression…

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So. I think I’m depressed. I go through bouts of it fairly often. It starts first with incredible stress. Check. Then it moves on to a desire to hide. Check. Then I start physically doing stuff – in other words, I’m not wearing makeup or jewelry or an attempt to match my clothng. Check.

I’m grwoing closer to God, which I think in the long run will help me handle everything better as I learn to trust in Him more and more. That’s a good thing. I don’t have to do EVERYTHING myself.

I start the dreaded WW again this Friday. That will help. My clothes are starting to get too tight.

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i did it…

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I did it. I wrote my little sister, and little brother, and potential father at all the addresses found for all of them. We’ll see if they answer. But I did it, I wrote them.

fear…

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I’ve come up on a block. I don’t knwo what the problem is. Through my searching and several search angels, I’ve come upon some good address contact info for my two younger siblings, and possibly even the older sister.

I haven’t written them.

I’m scared. I feel like I’m going into a panic attack. I’m trying to calm myself down because I don’t HAVE to write them. Only if I want to. But I DO want to. So why aren’t I?

I know some of the reasons on my older sister. I don’t know the legalities, since I didn’t get the information through whatever agency. I don’t even know if she knows she was adopted. I don’t want to cause problems there.

As for the younger two… Sheer fear of rejection. I’m scared.

I’m scared.

mishmash…

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I have no idea why I’m writing. I have nothing much to say, but I feel the urge to write.

I start my new church’s women’s Bible study tonight. I’m really excited! I’ve been called twice. Once by the pastor’s wife, and then another time today but Jay didn’t write it down. Anyway – they actually have it where a working woman can actually go.

We moved the TV out of the kids room. No more movies before bed. No more all day all weekend movies. I’m sick of it. And what happens? They went to actual sleep 20 minutes after their stories. Praise God and Hallelujia. And they still woke at the same time. Which means they got more sleep. Joseph was good this morning. Do you think all his problems may have occurred to to lack of sleep? Something as little as maybe an hour? But the kind of cool part is I now have a tv. One that I can watch DVD’s on while Jay’s obsessing over the xbox. I don’t have to bed once a week so I can see something I’m interested in.

progress…

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I’ve been making progress in my searching. I think I may have valid address for my younger siblings. They just feel right. They might not be current however. I’m going to write them anyway and see.

I’m also going to be filing for the NID of my older sister, as well as filing a waiver in her adoption file.

The waiver will take me a little while – I have to find a notary, and the time to take it to the notary. – Not to mention the notary’s fee.

This is all good news though – Progress!

Check this out… If you look at the pictures, to me it’s just sick. Talk about stupid privilege. I mean come on… A golden buggy with chandelier? I know it’s meant to be funny, but still.

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