Sparks and Butterflies… — Page 159 — But aside from that, she's still completely normal

A letter.

September 23, 2006 By Michele 11 Comments

Dear Jeannette,

I have really been struggling. Your death has caused my life to go into a tailspin. Why didn’t you at least try to communicate with me? Why did you leave all the questions you knew I had? I am now learning to deal with the fact that I just will never know. I can’t know my biological father, because you wouldn’t give me the information. You died without ever doing it. And you wanted it that way. Now, I’m a biological orphan.

You know? I don’t understand it at all. I’m a mother. I cannot in my life imagine leaving my children without something. If I knew that I were dying I would leave them something of me. Something to tell them of me. To let them know how I feel about them – otherwise they’d never know. I would probably write them letters. Give them pieces of information that they wouldn’t have otherwise, so that hopefully they won’t have as many questions once I’m no longer there to provide them. Because, as a mother, I want to help them.

You didn’t. You’ve known for years this was going to happen. You knew a year ago that it would probably be this year. You knew 6 months ago it was inevitable. And a month ago, you knew it could be any day. How could you?

How could you leave me hanging? You knew what my questions were. You knew where I was.

The last things you asked for was a picture of the kids. MY sons.

But you never even mentioned me. To the end, you never mentioned me – the big ol’ elephant in the room. And I’ll have to live with that the rest of my life. That I wasn’t worth your mention, even on your death bed.

Lemme tell you – it’s done wonders for my self esteem.

But I’m finally able to start living again. I guess the wound is starting to scab over.

I have one last thing to ask you. Wherever you are, could you please help me not to pick at it too much? I just don’t want to hurt any more because of you.

With all the love you never wanted,

Michele

I have been remiss

September 23, 2006 By Michele Leave a Comment

My renter this week is Cat of Living with Multiple Personalities. I was so excited when she bid, as she’s one of my regular reads. In addition – she’s the one who started the tradition sweeping the nation, Click and Comment Monday.

Her blog is a personal journey… She talks about her day to day life and family. But she also talks about her bout with mental issues. She has (um – hello her title) multiple personalities. She talks about that openly – both her struggles, what she’s doing now, and in an educational manner for those of us (me) who don’t understand it, or haven’t been exposed to it.

I appreciate her. I appreciate her efforts of bring the web together. I am just so happy to have her as a renter. Please go visit. Show her some love.

Eyes

September 23, 2006 By Michele 3 Comments

Grab the Scavenger Hunt code.
Photo Theme. Join the blogroll. Visit participants.

Stitches resulting from a pillow fight with his brother. Bedfame went straight through his ocular muscle, and we needed a plastic surgeon to come in to protect his vision. BTW… Only 4 years old + 2 boys = heart attack waiting to happen.

deficit of creativity

September 22, 2006 By Michele 3 Comments

I’m having trouble sitting and writing. All these collabs I belong to are getting the brunt. I normally love to participate, as for me they’re creativity prompts. Right now? Not so much. So – to all the different programs and collabs and blogrolls I belong to? I’m not ignoring you, and I’m slowly starting to get back in the groove after the – what? Shock of grief? Who knows what the proper way to put it is. I was asking what the point is. But I’m slowly starting to see the point for me again, so please, just bear with me a little while longer.

Headlines may get me into trouble.

September 21, 2006 By Michele 2 Comments

This is one entry that may actually cause my first troll/flamage since about 1999 – “You have tattoos? And you have piercings? All of you sick twisted people need to be sterilized.” Never quite forgot it can you tell?

Anyhoo – here’s the full article.

‘Nice, Sweet Lady,’ 83, Deported for Nazi Past
The former SS guard kept her secret buried, even from her Jewish husband. Now exposed, the Bay Area widow, 83, is back in Germany.

Here’s how I think I’m supposed to feel: Nazi scum. I hope they rot in hell. Good riddance. Deportation is too good for her. Etc.

Except that’s NOT how I feel. I thought about this all day yesterday, and all this morning. I don’t know if I can articulate it properly but I’ll try.

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