But aside from that, she's still completely normal
So, no weight change. Which is good. But now that I’m over the flu I can try to get into this more.
I’m just not sure what to do. Right now I’m concentrating on looking at my food – portion control. But I definitely need some more structure. Back to WW? I just don’t know. But I want to be at goal weight by 4/18/08 – my 10th anniversary, we’re going to Hawaii, and I have a little over a year to do it.
So – technically I’m still alive. Taking care of Joseph led to the household coming down with a wicked strain of good old influenza.
It’s been awful and terrible and at one point I thought I might die. Probably not, but you couldn’t tell me that while I was hallucinating with an incredibly high fever.
I’m at work today – first day since last Thursday, and I’m not completely well at all, but I don’t have a fever.
So – it might be a few before I’m updating again regularly.
Love. What is it anyway? I mean it causes me to all sort of things I would never do. I’m a wife, mother, pet owner, daughter…
Somehow, love causes me to pick up after sick people. At risk of my own health. Love causes me to stop everything I’m doing to bend to the whims of someone else.
Basically love causes me to do things. As a result of love, I’m now a vet, doctor, nurse, teacher, maid, technical support, breadwinner, cook (well, sometimes), chauffer, and drill seargent.
I’m also a kisser, hugger, and tickler.
Love has caused me to be all things I never was nor wanted to be, and yet, I do it out of love.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
+1
I really need to get on an actual program. Really. This is getting ridiculous, and it’s very obvious that my “hey that looks healthy!” plan isn’t working.
Cost is the main issue, but I apparently need the handholding.
This isn’t helping my overall outlook on life. I need to do something about it.
I got one kid down, and I got the husband down.
I have a shameful thing to admit.
I’m a TERRIBLE NURSE. I hate taking care of sick people. I have no bedside manner. Oh I’m fine with the technicalities. You’ll get what’s needed. Absolutely. And I’ll know how much medicine you need or have had, what your temperature is, how your symptoms have changed. Have no fear of that.
I lack patience. Patient Patience Ha!
Now, mind you – I get sick too. I do. I don’t want fawning though. I want to be left the hell alone when I get sick.
I think that this is yet another legacy of my upbringing. You see as I was growing up – I was in and out of hospitals all the time it seems. Not for me, for mom and grandma. Heart conditions, tumors, some cancer, it was just ongoing. So now, I have trouble even visiting someone in the hospital. I can’t bring myself to do it. The part that really effected me though was the martyrdom of my mother.
You see me? I’m at my daughters recital. Oh no, I got out of the hospital a few days ago. Oh I’m a little weak… But I’ll be fine. Don’t mind me. Oh – you’re watching Michele? Oh gee… I suddenly don’t feel so good. Here let me take my meds. Oh I take this for this and that for that. Oh, you’re watching Michele again? Oh, honey – see if one of the moms can take her home when it’s done, I just need to go home and lay down.
Over and over and over again.
Here’s the kicker. She really was sick. This wasn’t some weird thing. She really was. But she also really really wanted the attention for it. She did. At all the times when it really was ok for me to have some attention – like a band concert, or a dance recital, where I was on a stage for Christ’s sake.
Now? I don’t want attention when I’m sick. At all. Or if someone’s sick at work? I don’t care. Stop telling me how awful you feel. You feel that bad? Go home to bed, stop crying here.
Add the resentment I sometimes feel when I’m sick – and guess what folks? I have to work anyway because I have to save my sick days for the kids. I only stay home with a high fever (note I didn’t say just fever) or I actually feel that driving would be dangerous due to my condition. I already have to take so much time off for the IEP’s and meetings and conferences associated with the kids. And Hey! I want to keep my job.
Sickness just annoys the hell out me.
And remember how I said I was falling into the abyss and overwhelmed? Well, now Poe’s down with the ick as well. Leaving me. To do it all. And I’m not sure I can. Thank God it’s the weekend.
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