An excellent article which can be found here, by Ruth Rosen.
A couple of snippets that caught my eye:
The media constantly reinforce the conventional wisdom that the care crisis is an individual problem. Books, magazines and newspapers offer American women an endless stream of advice about how to maintain their “balancing act,” how to be better organized and more efficient or how to meditate, exercise and pamper themselves to relieve their mounting stress. Missing is the very pragmatic proposal that American society needs new policies that will restructure the workplace and reorganize family life.
Most institutions, in fact, have not implemented policies that support family life. As a result, many women do feel compelled to choose between work and family. In Scandinavian countries, where laws provide for generous parental leave and subsidized childcare, women participate in the labor force at far greater rates than here–evidence that “opting out” is, more often than not, the result of a poverty of acceptable options.
I don’t have any solutions. I can simply tell you what has happened recently in my life to illustrate the points in this article.
I personally do not work by choice. I work because I have to. We need my money to make it. My husband, though in a technical job, makes less than me. I really wish that I could stay home and that I did have a choice. But I can’t. It would be better for my kids – who both have needs that are very difficult to meet in a dual income home.
We have put together an intricate net of care for the kids. Poe get ready and takes Logan to our daycare provider – a woman who runs it out of her home – in the morning on the way to work. I get ready and take Joseph to school on my way to work. Poe works earlier than I do. After work Poe goes to both Joseph’s after school care (note: that’s 1 school and two daycares and two job places so far) and picks Logan up as well. I get home about an hour after they do. In case of school closure, Joseph can go to Logan’s caregiver. In case of illness, my parents can take them. However – Now that my mother is so ill, she can’t be around the cummunicables such as colds and flus, and that’s now taken out of the equation. When you have two special needs kids – one with multiple doctor’s visits, and the other other with behavioral issues and learning disabilities causing many many school conferences. None of which get to be scheduled during lunch hours.
Recently, Poe’s workforce moved to a farther location. This now means he can’t pick up both kids by closing time. He requests a change in his schedule. By a half-hour. Is willing to do anything to do that – reduce lunch, come in earlier whatever – but he needs to be out the door by 4:30 now that they moved so far away. The answer? No. He told them they’d have is resignation the next morning. This situation was avoided as the office went to bat for him. All over a half hour. We tried to maybe move my schedule, which was a difficult sell as studio hours are set. But that wouldn’t have worked anyway, because I cannot drop Joseph off before 8am, without paying for yet another session of the on-campus care, which we cannot afford. And, mine’s the job that has to be kept – not ’cause it’s more important – oh no. I have the all important health benefits, because we couldn’t afford the co-premium from Poe’s company.
The juggling that makes all this happen is astonishing. And quite frankly, the employers don’t seem to give a rat’s ass about your kids or your problems. They just want the work done. Ever told your boss your kid’s sick and you need to stay home? Heard that resigned sigh? That’s the not giving a rat’s ass part.
You know, because cleaning up vomit’s a vacation.
I’m sick of the hamster wheel. I’m just sick of it.
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