I hate it. I hate being in between, in limbo, in flux. I hate not knowing where my life is going at the moment.
I’m a planner. I organize, I research, I plan it out. That’s not to say I can’t be spontaneous, but the truth is, I feel the responsibility for making the larger things and the smaller things that make life happen falls on my shoulders. And the truth is – that’s ok. I’m anal retentive, have attention to detail, I’m a perfectionist, and a control freak. If it wasn’t that way, Poe and I would be more at odds.
But right now, there’s two things.
What’s my mother’s health? She’s having a PET scan which should tell us more, hopefully. But really – they don’t knwo what the hell’s wrong with her.
And there’s this house thing. You see, my mother now wants to move, preferably to a little mining town that my dad loves in order to make him happy and make him go. If that should happen, we’d move into my parents house. This would be a fabulous boon for our family. The kids would have their own rooms. We’d have a dining room table and chairs (instead of eating off our laps as we are now). A backyard. A dog. Space. A home. Instead of the jury-rigged thing we’re living in now.
But. But. But.
My father isn’t too keen on the idea, but my mother is fixated on it. That’s the first obstacle. Second, she doesn’t (obviously and rightfully) doesn’t want to move on anything until she gets better. Let’s face it folks – she may not get better.
So – My life is in flux. I don’t want to move forward with my plans for THIS house, because we may move soon. Or not.
And finally – in my job. There’s a possibility of good things to come, but they hinge on someone’s personal life choices. But again. The waiting.
I just feel like I’m waiting for something to happen. Like life is on hold in the meantime.
Then there’s other transitions happening. Poe started a new job. Logan will start K in the fall. etc.
I simply hate limbo.
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