I don’t talk much about my religious/spiritual life here. Mainly because it has the propensity to cause so much dissension and strife among people. You know the old rule – if you want peace, don’t talk religion or politics.
But, for the record, I’m a Bible believing non-denominational “saved” Christian. There’s a whole history as to how I got there I might tell someday.
I tell you this, not to draw a line in the sand (many of my readers are of other religions or atheists), but so you know where I’m coming from when I talk about this.
I’ve been feeling a HUGE conviction to be a stay-at-home wife and mother. Huge. And it really came out of the blue. You see, ever since I was married, that’s what I wanted to be. Finances prevented this, and that was ok. I did what I had to do, which was to work. I’ve never wanted to work outside the home, but – that’s life. Both the wish to do so, and the reasons I can’t, have definitely not changed. But I’ve been coming back to God as of late, slowly, and in my own way, without others telling me how. Finding my own path back to God as it were. And, as I call it, I got hit upside the head with a 2×4 with conviction of NOW STAY HOME.
I can’t, for the same reasons as before, debt and finances. So, I’ve basically told God, “OK! I know you want me to! I want to! But you’ve got to open the doors, ’cause right now it’s just not possible.” So. Poe and I are in the process of putting together a plan of getting out of debt. I make a little bit of money with freelance writing, so all those profits are going to go to paying on top of minimum payments. I’m also actively pursuing freelance gigs, which I didn’t really do before. Some pay, some don’t (but exposure can payoff in the long-term.)
I really felt led by God in this, and I haven’t felt that in a long long time. I finally cracked open my Bible a couple nights ago – for the first time in months.
Do any of you go through that? Ebbing and flowing in your faith? How do you normally crack through the ebb part?
Anyway – I looked at some student loan paperwork, and on the current schedule, we won’t have it paid off until 2027. Let me repeat – 2027. That’s like the year of The Jetsons! Totally unacceptable. Poe and I are taking steps. My kids need me now, not in college. My marriage needs me now, not 20 years from now. I’m pulled in too many directions, and I need to make it stop now.
It will take God – both His leading AND His hand. It still will probably take years. I have a possible promotion in the next couple of years, so that’ll help. Poe is due for a raise in a couple months, which will also help. I’m determined that God put this path down for me to follow. And for once, I’m taking Him up on the offer.
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