Sparks and Butterflies...

But aside from that, she's still completely normal

Get that post off the top

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In order to get that whiney post off the top of the page, I thought I’d update you to the meta-ness in my life.

First off…  On this here blog, I got switched to WordPress.  I’m also working on cleaning up the site, and deleting some things I really don’t care about, and adding things I do…  linking to the social places I play at and such.  I’m also going to be putting widgets up to the writings at my other sites.

Speaking of other sites…

Don’t forget that I write at Special Needs Parent.  A blog geared towards the parents of special needs kids, of which I am one.

I’m also writing at Stars Behind Bars, which has no redeemable social value whatsoever – but fun.

In addition, I’m working on a review blog, so I can put my book reviews there, and also receive products of other things and review them without coming close to hurting my relationship with BlogHerAds.  Once it’s done (playing with it) I’ll announce it here, of course.

Anyway…  Now you know all the places I’m writing at and I expect you to visit.  ‘Cause you love me.  And ’cause I need the hits.

Was that begging?

What to write

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I’m sitting here, looking at the blank page, wondering what in the world to write.  And I don’t know.

There’s all kinds of things going on…  I just…  don’t seem to have the brain cells to assimilate them here.  Hmmm.

I’m struggling with a lot lately.  There’s the plain, old fashioned stress of dealing with a marriage, 2 special needs kids, elderly, sick parents,  and a full time job.  Been there, done that, why hash it out again.

There’s been an ongoing stressful issue at work I’ve been dealing with – which I can’t talk about, ’cause it’s work.

Then there’s the health issues I’m dealing with…  But I don’t have a resolution yet – maybe this week?  So, I’m playing a waiting game.

There’s also the lack of inertia I feel at home.  It’s impossible to be the wife, mother, and homemaker I truly wish to be while working a full time job outside the home.  I know that sounds like whining.  Maybe it is.  But I can’t shake it.  I feel I should be home.  My husband agrees.  Finances dictate in this case, and the numbers just don’t work for now.  I get that, logically in my head.  Which of course, solves nothing.  It’s an ongoing battle for me.  I just keep holding on, in the hopes that the job I’m doing at home is “good enough” for now.  Put the health issues into play though – and I just don’t think it is.  Good enough.

So pardon the mood.  It may stick around a while.

We’re taught that we can “have it all” – their definition.  Whoever “they” are.  The education, the career, the home, the family…  And that a good modern woman can juggle it all.  I’m not a good modern woman.  I want to be a biblical woman.  I want my definition to be biblical.  And that’s a good thing – I have NO problems with that.  It’s just that we live in this world, where there are student loans, and they need to be paid.  There are finances to juggle.  And I’ve tried.  Oh how I’ve tried to make the numbers work.  They simply don’t – frugally.  And when you go truly frugal and they still don’t work?  Puts my spirit in a true bind.  Stuck where I don’t want to be and where I don’t think I should be.

Instead I’m unhappy, unhealthy, and don’t know my place anymore.

I’m NOT a modern woman living in a modern world, and I can’t seem to bridge the gap.

Tests are Done

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Well, got my ultrasounds done today – pelvic and abdomen.

Not particularly fun, but hey.

And yes, I think they found something.   Judging by some whispered conversations and observations of body language.  What, I don’t know of course, as they send this stuff to my doctor.

I’m not going to worry about it.  I go to the doctor in regards to all the test results as a whole next Wednesday.  Unless they haven’t received today’s results – in which case we’ll reschedule.

Man.

I hate all this waiting.

feeds

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So not having a hot stomach day, so this is going to be quick.

An update on the health stuff…  I’m going to have my ultrasound on Friday, and I have my doctor’s appointment to go over everything next week.

Which is none too soon let me tell you.  Today just sucks.

Also – I think maybe y’all need to update your feeds.  I’m a little confused by the whole thing, but I think you do.  Maybe.  I dunno – you tell me.

some results

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Had the endoscopy yesterday.  I’ll get the full results later in the month when I go in for all my results.  I still need to have an ultrasound done.  And then I’ll get to hear it all.  But in the meantime, I know I have 2 ulcers.  But, they did a LOT of different kinds of bloodwork, so I’m curious about the whole picture.  Hmmm.  At least now, they can’t say the pain is all in my head.

Poe says now they really know the effects of him and the kids…  The gray hair was just the beginning.  Heh.

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