On the way to Alma’s house today, I sneezed. So all the rest of the way I kept hearing, \”AAaaahahhh-Jew!\” from a certain little creature who STILL won’t say \”mommy\”. Jay has his competition on Saturday. I’m so nervous for him. He’s only a little nervous – he’s more excited than anything else. On top of that nervousness, I’m testing for my next belt next week. Then I’ll be even with Jay again. I’ve been out for 5 weeks, between my illness, and my mother’s hospital stay. I’ll be testing for my Orange belt. Wow. We started out with white, and have graduated, yellow, purple (me now), and then orange is next. I do want to compete like Jay is doing on Saturday, but the truth is, I’m not ready yet. I suck at sparring, and that’s the plain truth of it. It’s a combination of the constant questioning, \”am I doing this right?\” and the fact that I’m afraid to hurt the other person, the end result being that I pull all my kicks, and don’t land anything, and then end up being on the defensive. You can only earn points on the offensive. I really want Jay to spar with me at home, to help me get over it all – since I know I won’t hurt him. But I think he’s afraid of hurting me. They only allow him to spar with black belts in class, he’s very powerful with a fighting background. And you know what? Watching him spar? It’s a really big turn on. What does that make me? Big changes are afoot. I’m trying not to let it all get to me. I don’t do well with change. Now there’s the understatement of the century. But I have no control over any of it – our money situationk, Jay graduating, trying to find a new job, and the new lack of salary, hours, and childcare possibilities that brings. But I can’t do anything about it now, so I’m trying to not dwell. It’s hard though. I want to prepare, and yet, there’s nothing to prepare. We had a long talk about our financial situation, responsibilities, and lack there of. We’ve upped our 401K contribution, and I’ve reallocated it all to be much more aggressive. Turns out I was investing it like a 70 year old women who has to protect it as her livlihood, when the truth is we have many years to retirement, and have the option of investing over the long haul. No wonder we weren’t making anything. So we upped the percentage, so we’re \”paying ourselves first\” as all the financial advice tells us. We’ve made a pact on our spending habits and such, and how to prioritize what we’ve got. We’ve decided what needs to go, if anything needs to, and what we need to pay for out of our own personal weekly spending cash. Who knows how all of this will play out, but at least we’re talking about it instead of just sweeping it under the rug. My mom is constantly on my case about it, ’cause we owe her money – a lot of it – from the strike. Which probably means that my dad is all over her. Money sucks.
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