Losing It

So, I started therapy last week.

Friday was therapy day.  I slogged through the morning chores etc. feeling like crap.  I figured it was my sinuses – Logan and my allergies have been acting up lately.  Major fatigue and moving really slow.  Then I had therapy in my home, which she’s doing both to keep Joseph and my therapy separate in different places, and to save me on gas.  I already go to the other therapy center 5 times a month, sometimes more.  The effort is appreciated.

I won’t discuss the content, except to say that she’s focusing a lot on my relationship with God.  This is both needed and really quite surprising considering how I know her.  I’ll take it.

After, I was just basically good for nothing.  I ended up taking what I consider a “depression nap.”  Whenever I’m mentally overwhelmed past capacity, my body shuts down and needs to sleep.  It’s not an escape hatch, it’s like it needs it.  I was even slurring my words.  I only had Joseph at home, so I was able to explain what was going on (having mental issues himself, I can word it in such a way that he gets it) and take a 2 hour nap.  I wasn’t any good the rest of the day either, but at least I was no longer slurring and was functional.  The whole weekend passed in a blur of feeling lazy and like crap and needing to sleep a lot.

Poe says that it’s my body’s way of dealing with crap I haven’t been dealing with just in order to go from one day to the next.  Now, I’m dealing with it, and my body – which has always had pronounced reactions to stress – is reacting.  Poe basically said go with it – don’t fight it – and let it do what it has to do.  In the meantime, don’t fight what’s going on in therapy, just do the work to go through rather than around.

Hmph.

I hate saying the words, “I’m in therapy.”  It feels both cliche and shaming all at once.  But I’m not letting that stop me from doing what’s needed to keep me healthy.