I had nightmares all night.

I had nightmares all night. Foggy ones, and I can’t grasp it but I know I didn’t like it. I talked with a support group via online chat last night. They were very welcoming, and I appreciated that, as I was rejected from another board. \”You don’t quite meet the requisites for membership to our group.\” This is of course after I told them I was just rejected by my natural mother. Nice. Serve the rejectee some more rejection. Actually it didn’t bother me THAT much, just the irony made me laugh. So I emailed/chatted with Joe. He told me how to go about getting my birth hospital records. It will involve one of my doctors, so I’m not sure how I go about doing this. I am due for my annual pelvic, but I’ll be going to a new doctor. Maybe I’ll ask him. My current regular doctor would blow me off. Baby steps. Here’s a kicker. Jeannette will be at my parents house some time tomorrow. She has to come to UCLA for some testing before she can be put on the transplant list for her heart. She’s coming to see my parents. Her daughter lives next door, and she knows that. But I already know she won’t come over. And now after her reaction to my letter, I know why. ‘Cause she has no urge to see me. This provides a lot of conflicting emotions. Sort of like the Donkey in Shrek, \”Pick me! Pick me!\” while doinging around. On the other end of the spectrum, in my head I say, \”Fuck you too, then, bitch.\” I may go to a healing weekend if I can save up the money. This has all turned into such a cluster fuck.