Comment Question 3

This is the last question asked in my question post.  If YOU want to ask a question, feel free.

Steph asked (and I’m not linking to the Steph I know who reads.  I figure if she wanted me to, she would have put the link in the comment, so I’m leaving it out on this one.)

Are your (extended) family and friends “there” for you and your special-needs children? Is their emotional support (or at least being understanding of what you go through with your kids) what you expected, hoped, imagined…

Let’s see.  Yes and no.  My parents…  Yes.  They try.  They try to understand what’s going on with doctors, and like to sometimes take the kids to their appointments themselves, because it gives them the opportunity to talk to the docs face to face.  Beyond that, they just love on their grandkids.  I try to stay out of their relationship, as they keep discipline consistent with us.  Beyond that – I stay out.  My parents live next door.  Each weekend (if my parents aren’t traveling) Logan spends the night on Friday.  Joseph on Saturday.  My parents can’t really deal with them together (they’re getting “elderly”).  This way everyone gets one on one time with Papa and Grandma, and the kids also get a break from each other.  And we get a break from the sibling fighting and noise.  I can’t really say anything about them other than they’re THERE.  No matter what.  When Logan was born, they had Joseph.  I picked up the phone to tell my mom about Logan’s heart.  I didn’t finish the sentence.  She had hung up on me.  Because she was on the way.  I think that’s the best compliment I can give them.  No matter what – they’re there when I need them, and they’re there when the kids need them.  Period.

I the other set is in denial, completely, and totally, and that’s all I’m going to say about them in this forum.  But OOOOOOhhhhh Yes, is there a story there.  Email me if you want the details.

Teachers are all great, because they’re in on all the IEP stuff for Joseph, and Logan has a team as well due to his development issues.  In the beginning we had issues with the previous principal with Joseph…  She wanted him expelled.  5.  in Kindergarten.  That wasn’t going to fly with this mother, and I didn’t toe her line, which made me her enemy.  Over the course of two years I think she finally came around.  ‘Course then she left.  We have a new principal, and the jury is out on this one.  In the last IEP she made this big deal about us not doing homework at home.  So – we’ll see.  She doesn’t seem to get that he can only take so much before he is D.O.N.E.

I think the biggest obstacle in other people NOT related to their cases is other parents.  Both kids are mainstream (although Joseph is in and out during the day for his special ed).  That means they play with “typical” kids.  So – to other parents, Logan is small, immature, and needy.  To the other parents, Joseph is dumb, rough, and mean.  Parents don’t want to take the time to find out WHY they’re that way.  That Logan presents as about a year younger than he is in all ways because of his development from his heart condition.  That he’s a preschooler rather than a kindergartner at heart (hence why we’re repeating it.)  They don’t care that Joseph has learning disabilities, and a psychological disorder.  They don’t care that at heart, all he wants is to be loved and liked with his whole heart.  And if they bothered to ask about anything he likes, he would give them and in depth analysis of whatever the subject is.  They don’t look past the first impression.  Why should it matter?  It makes it hard for my kids to make friends…  No playdates, because the other parents really don’t care to figure out my kids.  The social thing is really really hard on them, and that breaks my heart.

And finally, friends.  I don’t have many IRL.  Not really.  I have one close girlfriend.  If you ask how she is about them?  Well.  She’s the only one I trust, other than grandparents, to babysit.  Even Joseph will listen to her.  And she makes him deals.  Good behavior = zoo trip.  Again…  She just there.  She just lives it with us.

I think that’s the biggest thing.  It’s not their acceptance, or their actions.  It’s are they there?  Is it ever even mentioned?  Does it just exist?  Do they just live it with you?  Yes, my parents and friend will listen if I need them to.  But they usually just already know ’cause they’re already living it with me.