“How’re you feeling?”

“A little nausous actually.”

-Poe and Michele’s discussion upon rising on this, Michele’s last day of work before becoming a stay-at-home mom and freelance business owner.

This is being counted as an entry because Michele is having trouble putting a cohesive thought – much less a full sentence – together.

Have I hit the wall?  No.  But other posts I’d like to write would take thinking, and emotions, and you know…  Stuff.  I just don’t have that in me today.

But.  Today is the last Sunday night where I have to get up and go to work the next day.  That = awesome.  And as a small plus, the kids don’t have school Monday or Tuesday, which means that Poe is going to take them to our other babysitter – and I don’t have to do the morning routine!  Yay!

This is it.  The last week.  I’m having a going away lunch on Thursday – but Poe can’t make it.  He  was sick for a full week a couple of weeks ago, and so he can’t take the time off of work.  Sigh.  Oh well.

ALMOST DONE.

Almost.  We’re at the finish line.

I suppose it’s natural.

I keep marking time.

This is my last weekend in which I will have to wake up Monday and go to work.

I’m excited, elated, scared, tired, anxious.  Mostly I just want the transition overwith so I can get going on my “new” life.

Training my new replacement is going well.  She’s smart, so it’s not like I have to teach her how Outlook or Word works, which helps tremendously.  She also has temped at my company before, which means she’s familiar with some internal programs, also a huge help.  She’s religious, so I don’t have to feel like I have to keep anything down low.  We do, however, have a tendency to go off on tangents, so some of the training has gone slower than I wanted it to, however, I think I’ll get most of it done with her.  She’s very perky and excited, which I’ll beat out of her.  Kidding.  Sort of.  Basically, this is her first “real” job out of grad school, although as someone who’s been very involved in ministry, and traveling and such, it’s not like she’s green.  I’m going to make sure that she knows to email me if she needs some advice on internal politics.  She may be technically proficient – but let’s face it, this is the entertainment industry, and I don’t want it to chew her up and spit her out.  I’ve gotten chewed up plenty, and know how it feels.  My only concern is, she’s got some real doctrinal differences with our boss, which I’m hoping she’ll be able to compartmentalize.  One might say, “But this is work!  You separate work and religion!”  Well yes.  In theory.  In reality, though, if you’re religious, it is the compass by which you see your world, and react to your world.  So it really does make a difference sometimes.  For example…  If I worked with an ardent atheist…  That wouldn’t matter.  If I worked with an ardent atheist who constantly made fun of those “religious idiots” I’d have a hard time.  He’d be insulting me – even if he didn’t know about my philosophies, and that would indeed effect our relationship at some point.  So, my hope is that they’ll be able to agree to disagree – or at least, that my replacement will be able to overlook the differences.  Because, it will indeed be up to her.

All this week, I was doing the job, with her over my shoulder, as I explained what/why/how I was doing it.  Next week, I’m putting her in the driver’s seat, and I’ll be a back seat driver.  All of this is very nervewracking for me, and very much a lesson in letting go.  I’m a perfectionist, as well as anal retentive.  I basically told her up front – don’t change a thing until I’m gone.

You know – for someone who hates change, plunging myself into leaving a job I’ve had for almost 4 years, starting a business, and staying home and all that entails, is simply a prescription for anxiety.

Today is the last Friday and weekend in which I still need to go to work on Monday.  Next Friday is my last day.

It’s almost all over.

No more celebrity sightings.  No more diva requests.  No more international travel accomodations to arrange.  No more office politics to tiptoe through.  No more boss to keep happy through filtering and screening and representation.  No more beautiful courtyard office.

People…  I’m coming out of the closet as to where I work.  What are they going to do?  Fire me?  For almost 4 years I’ve worked in the music division of Warner Bros. Studios.  I’ve worked on almost all their releases in some capacity or another during that time.  I’ve read scripts.  I’ve seen the prereleases.  I’ve navigated the bureaucracy that goes along with all large companies.

I’m coming home to be with my children, and the rest of my family.

This is the right decision, but I’m losing some stuff to do it.  The beautiful sunlit office I painstakingly decorated and that nearly all guests commented on.  It was calm, and a beautiful place in which to spend my days.  I’m losing the status of being a real worker on a real studio lot, and reading reading real scripts, and having a real ID.  I’m losing the on lot Starbucks.  I’m losing those beautiful grounds I worked on.  I’m losing all the fun good stuff, along with the bad stuff that always is in any job.  I’m losing the actual thank you credit I have on most of our soundtrack albums.  I’m losing the status I have among the people who know me in my real life.  I was sort of the “made it” story amongst those that know me, and know what I went though over a decade ago.

I’m going through a bit of a grieving process, to let it go.  I’m going to be a work at home mom, with her own business.  There will be no ER celeb sightings.  There will be no recording sessions.  There will be no potential glamour.  For goodness sake, my boss goes to the Grammys as a matter of course!

And so as I go through the rest of this weekend into my last week…  I’m going to say goodbye in my head to the little things, and make the necessary transitions in my head to the different life I’m going to lead.

Do you think I can get through Thursday’s goodbye lunch without crying?