Stacey, per your request, this is a warning that you don’t want to read on.
The rest of the entry is below the fold.
There’s a 4 year old inside me, and she hurts…
For the last month or so, I haven’t been visiting the adoption boards as I once did. I haven’t been moving forward in the search for the oldest sister. I haven’t done much of anything in particular since finding my youngest sister. I did send the letter to my brother (althought I haven’t heard anything). I did send the adoption waiver to the state for my oldest sister’s file. But I know where she is and who she is, and yet, I haven’t moved on it.
The only thing I can think of is that finding my youngest sister was so overwhelming and BIG to me that I’ve wanted to soak that in first.
update…
Okay, just got the update. She’s going to have the fluid drained around her heart over night, and then go home tomorrow. More of this is in her future. Oy.
thinking…
I was just thinking… I wonder… Does she have a box in her house? With photos of us kids? Good Lord what I wouldn’t give for that box.
hospitalization…
So, mom just called me from Vegas. Jeannette is in the hospital. I’m not surprised. She put herself there. She needs a transplant, and is unwilling to do what she needs to do to get one (ie: quite smoking and drinking). She’s made her choice to die instead.
Now that I’ve made the transition into knowing that I’ll be finding my family without her anyway, I’m now surprisingly cold about her possible demise now. I’m surprised. I thought I’d feel more, even if it was negative. I will be going to her funeral if she has one, I’ve already made that decision.
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