I’ve been having those feelings again. Feelings of overwhelment (new word, like it?), panic, oppression, malcontent, sad. I hate feeling this way. I hate feeling not good enough. Feeling like a bad wife and mother. Feeling insufficient. And this weird overhanging feeling of Something Bad Is Going To Happen.
When I need help in the dark…
Please go read this post by Leah Peah.
She puts into words what I feel and never can articulate. THIS is what I feel when overwhelmed.
And Leah… Thanks, because I may steal your ideas and use them for myself. When my brain says there’s no point. When my heart races. When I feel like a terrible mother, or an unneeded human, or that I should just run away because they don’t need me anyway… I’m going to remind myself to read this, and try to put it into practice.
husband worries
I want to write, I’m just too exhausted to make much sense.
Jay’s having troubles. Panic attacks and the like. And the medication pretty much made him way to high. And we fought. We’re both recovering addicts. 8 1/2 years sober, but I worry. We never FIGHT fight. We may disagree (usually when I get annoyed, and he antagonizes me for fun), but we rarely fight.
a better depression…
So. I think I’m depressed. I go through bouts of it fairly often. It starts first with incredible stress. Check. Then it moves on to a desire to hide. Check. Then I start physically doing stuff – in other words, I’m not wearing makeup or jewelry or an attempt to match my clothng. Check.
I’m grwoing closer to God, which I think in the long run will help me handle everything better as I learn to trust in Him more and more. That’s a good thing. I don’t have to do EVERYTHING myself.
I start the dreaded WW again this Friday. That will help. My clothes are starting to get too tight.
mishmash…
I have no idea why I’m writing. I have nothing much to say, but I feel the urge to write.
I start my new church’s women’s Bible study tonight. I’m really excited! I’ve been called twice. Once by the pastor’s wife, and then another time today but Jay didn’t write it down. Anyway – they actually have it where a working woman can actually go.
We moved the TV out of the kids room. No more movies before bed. No more all day all weekend movies. I’m sick of it. And what happens? They went to actual sleep 20 minutes after their stories. Praise God and Hallelujia. And they still woke at the same time. Which means they got more sleep. Joseph was good this morning. Do you think all his problems may have occurred to to lack of sleep? Something as little as maybe an hour? But the kind of cool part is I now have a tv. One that I can watch DVD’s on while Jay’s obsessing over the xbox. I don’t have to bed once a week so I can see something I’m interested in.
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