I have always wanted to be a writer. There is something about words and typing or writing them out that I love. Making my views apparent somewhere, somehow where they didn’t exist before.

The problem is this. I have no ideas. None. I cannot ever come up with a fiction idea. None.

I can write about myself. My feelings. The occurances, episodes, catastrophes, triumphs of my own personal life – but I cannot seem to create the same for a fictional character of my own creation. I can write opinions on things that strike me. But I cannot come up with an idea on my own.

I’ve always wanted to be a writer, and yet I’m not. It’s a dream that I don’t know how to fulfill.

Update:
Turns out that it doesn’t seem to be possible in MT. I mean it IS – however it requires a lot more knowledge of the innerworkings of php etc. I need it to just be a part of the MT software – I’m not messing with anything on my server directories, as I WILL fuck it up royally.

Looks like I may have to set up a new completely anonymous blog somewhere.

*****
I’m thinking that I need to figure out how to password protect some entries. This journal/blog is a lot more known to the people I know IRL than it used to be. I’ve now run up against some things in my head that I have to hash out to get through it, but not where certain people can read it. In some cases, it would unncessarilly hurt – and in others, certain people would use the information against me.

I don’t want to create a separate journal at home that I write in. THIS is my journal. I hate the thought of even having two places. I just want A place! My place! Any other thought feels just disjointed and cumbersome and dishonest to myself.

BUT – I do think it’s necessary to take steps in order to not hurt people I love. I’ll have to see if that feature is something I can do in MT, since I’ve never actually needed it before.

…like something bad’s about to happen? That anticipatory feeling. Like you walk outside, and there’s that oppressive feeling and you think, huh, storm’s coming.

I have that feeling. I don’t like it. What’s coming?