Sparks and Butterflies...

But aside from that, she's still completely normal

fear…

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I’ve come up on a block. I don’t knwo what the problem is. Through my searching and several search angels, I’ve come upon some good address contact info for my two younger siblings, and possibly even the older sister.

I haven’t written them.

I’m scared. I feel like I’m going into a panic attack. I’m trying to calm myself down because I don’t HAVE to write them. Only if I want to. But I DO want to. So why aren’t I?

I know some of the reasons on my older sister. I don’t know the legalities, since I didn’t get the information through whatever agency. I don’t even know if she knows she was adopted. I don’t want to cause problems there.

As for the younger two… Sheer fear of rejection. I’m scared.

I’m scared.

progress…

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I’ve been making progress in my searching. I think I may have valid address for my younger siblings. They just feel right. They might not be current however. I’m going to write them anyway and see.

I’m also going to be filing for the NID of my older sister, as well as filing a waiver in her adoption file.

The waiver will take me a little while – I have to find a notary, and the time to take it to the notary. – Not to mention the notary’s fee.

This is all good news though – Progress!

Check this out… If you look at the pictures, to me it’s just sick. Talk about stupid privilege. I mean come on… A golden buggy with chandelier? I know it’s meant to be funny, but still.

i feel like a mushroom…

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I haven’t been writing the last couple days. I have a feeling I’m PMSing as everything feels very much towards the surface.

We’ve been looking at jobs for Jay. We’re looking in California, Arizona, and Nevada, as those are the states that my parents’ medical insurance can travel to, should Jay’s career take us there. Honestly though, I don’t see how they can move. I mean they’ve lived in the same house for 40 years. My father’s a pack rat. All this stuff. My mother has kidney disease and life long heart disease. How could she leave all the doctors that she likes? It just doesn’t make sense. But then again, he doesn’t have a job anywhere yet. But I made him promise not to quit his current job until he finds something else.

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