What makes me a mother?

The fact that I could both kill my son (metaphorically people!) and kill someone who harasses him. All at the same time.

The fact that I shielded my son with my body when the NICU staff (along with an incubator, scrubs, and masks) tried to take him from me. Nobody told me first there was a problem – and those masked people were not taking him from me.

The fact that, even after the nightmare birth Joseph’s was, I did it again.

The fact that I want to squoosh them and smack them upside the head at the same time.

The fact that I consult their father on matters of – er – penile importance. The first time I was faced with morning wood I didn’t know what to do with it… Thought the diaper would squish something of importance. Poe assured me that wasn’t going to happen. That doesn’t make me a “mother” – just the female parent in this family. The rather ignorant female parent in this family.

The fact that I physically hold them down for stitches, or painful ear cleaning (Logan has very small ear tubes which get impacted), and hold them still through their screams. Even with my own snot and tears running down my own face. Because I know they’ll feel better after it’s over, and that they need this. No matter how painful for them (and my God me.) Doing what’s best, even when it hurts. A lot.

The fact that I let them go. If I didn’t, they never would have taken that first step.

The fact that I do the school Newspaper faithfully every week (and next year I’m Head Editor…) even though I don’t fit in there. Because Joseph’s proud of me, and because I can, and someone needs to do it. Even though I live in Stepford, Home of the Unneeded SUV.

The fact that I have had every kind bodily fluid not of my own making on me at some point or another. Nothing says “mother” like a three year old throwing up down your shirt.

The fact that come September I will need to take the day off because my youngest will be starting Kindergarten. The day off is not for him. It’s for me. I’ll be a wreck.

The fact that I know which shirts are scratchy (for my oldest), and which shirts have enough “stuff on the front” for my youngest.

The fact that I can practically say what they are about to – just by the look on their face.

The fact that one of them has my worst personality traits, and one of them has my best. Talk about having yourself shoved in your face.

The fact that they are my heart, walking outside my body, and that terrifies me.

There are many facets that make me a mother. Those are just a few. New crop up every day. I grew them. I take care of them. I want to love them. I want to throttle them. I am a mother.

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One blogging thing I’ve always wanted to do is have a problog – paid, and sponsored – for Disabled Parents. Parents of kids with disabilities. Someplace that’s more conversational than clinical. Someplace to find both deals on medical supplies AND how to deal with tactless nosy neighbor. Someplace to rant, and someplace to see what you should take to your IEP.

Help make that happen! Please vote for me at Blog for a Year! I know I have lots of great competition. And I know that I’m coming to it late in the day. But how cool would that be??? Really?

You can vote every day… So click to vote. Here’s the main page as well.

Oh – and you’re probably going to be shamelessly asked many more times in the future. Just humor me here, mmmkay?

I was checking out my referrals and found this. I was pleasantly surprised (and really geekilly honored).

Thank you!

So… It turns out that Blogathon 2007 and BlogHer are going to be on the same weekend.

I had planned on going to BlogHer! Even had some roomies! And then Jay lost his job. We’re also still trying to save money for our 10th anniversary next year. The airfare and cost of the conference – I just can’t. Plus we’re probably going to have to travel to Poe’s parents for Christmas. So.

So, I’ve decided to stay home and do Blogathon. Last year, we raised $104,881.64. I didn’t raise much, but I raised something – and I completed the whole thing. You’ll be hearing a lot more in this space in the months to come. I’m even thinking about a theme.

But I really really really wanted to go to BlogHer. Maybe next year.

This grown-up shit sucks.

Go visit Slackermommy – my renter – at Slacker-Moms-R-Us. I like the simple design, which makes reading easy. She’s fun, but can be serious and have some thought provoking things to say. Go visit her.