Sparks and Butterflies...

But aside from that, she's still completely normal

Health Care Bill on the Internet?

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Dear U.S. Government,

I would like to provide my services to you to post the proposed health care bill on the internet.

I’ve thought about it, and I am, indeed, prepared in my home office for such an undertaking. I would need about 3 days and a babysitter. And maybe lots of coffee. You would also have to supply the bandwidth, as I’m sorry – my blog can’t take that kind of traffic. Please let me know if you’d like a contract. You’ll find my hourly rate to be very reasonable.

No?

You were just afraid to tell me that I’m too stupid to read it? And you might want to sneak some stuff in there? And you don’t even really want the members voting on it to see it, much less the little peabrained cattle like me?

Oh, I see. It’s ok, I understand. I’ll compensate you with my own voting record.

A Break?

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There’s got to be a break in here somewhere, right?

We just found out from Poe’s friend that the grocery store job fell through. The one he’s terribly overqualified for, but he needs a job? Yeah, not hiring. That was sort of our ace in the hole. He could work nights and still look for a job in his actual career.

Not gonna happen.

Which means we’ve got nothing with 6 weeks to go on unemployment.

There is another choice, which we’re fighting against tooth and nail. My closing my business and going to work full time while he stays home and manages the kids.

This is not the right choice for us for a whole host of reasons. On the other hand, there’s no money left. And we’ve paid enough ahead to maybe have Cobra through September. And then – nothing.

I don’t WANT to close my business. I don’t have a bunch of clients, but the ones I’ve had are very very happy with my work! I can do this!!

I’m so frustrated. All the things we worked towards are gone. All our savings is gone. All our debt elimination progress is gone. Our credit is back in the toilet. All those years of work, with nothing to show for it. All gone.

I’ve got one last thing that I might have to go for. Our retirement. I haven’t touched it because we’ll take such a hit on the money due to taxes. I don’t know. That’s money I’ve been saving for retirement since I was 18 years old with my first 401K. And if we tap it – it’s gone.

God, I hate this. I hate it. I feel desperate and stupid. I shouldn’t feel stupid, I’ve done nothing wrong, but I do.

Internet, We Have to Talk

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The Blogathon is over… I’m rested… And I’m ready to talk.

I slept on this. Twice. I’m not sure how to word what I want to say, but I’ll make an attempt.

Where were you?

I couldn’t attend BlogHer this year due to our lack of financial resources. I was bummed about it because I wouldn’t get to see my friends. I was starting to feel really morose about it, and decided to do something good to offset the bad, because that helps my mental state. That’s why I decided to do Blogathon this year. I could do good, and have something to occupy my mind.

I wrote about it on my blog, Facebook, Twitter, every social network I have, and emailed everyone I know (except for my husband’s family.) I reached out several times. Supposedly, this is my community. Had all the people that I’m friendly with, worked with, worked for, and are actual friends with given just one dollar each, I would have had a hell of a lot more money to give to my charity – the whole point of the Blogathon.

Want to know how many of you put your money where your mouth is to support your “friend?”

One. One shiny, pretty, lovely blogger who shall remain nameless.

Here’s the breakdown – I was able to raise $125 for Fisher House. A charity that I picked because I believe in it, and because I felt the reach went far – non-partisan, non-religious, and helped a cause my husband believed in (the least I could do, since he took over here for two days so I could participate.) To give you some scope on that number, 144 blogs participated, and $44,060.37 in total were pledged. This wasn’t a small thing.

So who gave?

My mom (of course.) Another lady who I hadn’t seen in 19 years until recently. She doesn’t really know me anymore, just gave of her heart. Two fellow Blogathoners who were moved to contribute for their own reasons. And the beautiful blogger I already mentioned.

Internet… I thought we were friends? I write in this box thing, and people communicate with me. They commiserate with me. They cry with me. They work with me. They laugh with me. I thought I had found my “tribe” as several bloggers have correctly put it.

Look – I know most of my people were at BlogHer. I’ve been there. I know it’s crazy, I know you’re busy, I know you’re overwhelmed. But I certainly had been putting this out there for longer than BlogHer so that’s no excuse.

Except for that one beautiful friend (and yes, I do consider her a friend) my tribe let me down. And I think I realize that maybe the internet isn’t my friend after all. And that maybe I was deluding myself into thinking that I was part of a community. Because I did the Blogathon three years ago, and you didn’t let me down then.

Maybe I’m just crying over spilled milk. But it doesn’t feel that way to me. And yes, actually, my feelings got hurt. This blog isn’t a job. It’s been a springboard to some other things, but this is not a problog. This is my cyberspace home. My journal.

Internet, are you telling me it’s time to breakup?

Dear AOL, I Am Not a Freak

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*Note: Some graphic biological information ahead. And another note? I’m ticked and therefore ramble.*

Dear AOL,

I was reading what passes for your headlines today and saw your article, “Dual-Womb Mother Shocks Doctors.” I had to click. Because I have Uterine Didelphys.

Thanks a lot, AOL. You have made me look like a freak. No, I’m not the new mom from the article. I’m one of the thousands (millions?) with this “condition.” It’s a birth defect. And it’s not as uncommon as you may think.

Yes, I have two uteruses/uteri. Yes I have two cervices/cervixes. I get to have double the pap smears! Had to have a septum between the cervices removed to end pain for both myself and my husband during “relations.” I also get to have double the hormones, double the blood, double the PMS. (Don’t you want to be in my husband’s shoes now?) I’ve been hospitalized for loss of blood during a normal plain old period. Oh – and I have two children that I gave natural vaginal birth to.

It’s not as uncommon as you think. I have even run into doctors who have seen it before me. Sometimes. But you see, there are no doctors who specialize in it, and no one wants to study it. Here’s what I know about it from my various doctors visits over the years, as I’m now 34, and have known about it since I was 17.

Yes, there is some risk in pregnancy because sometimes the uteri are smaller. Not the “shocking” thing you make it out to be. And yes, you can have more than one pregnancy. I’m proof. Your hormones can also be out of wack. You can also have abnormalities in your kidneys so you need them to have an ultrasound to be sure. You also get the added benefit of potential cysts on your kidneys and/or uteri (Yep – I have several.)

And maybe if the medical community decided to study it, you’d have some more information. But they’re not interested. Instead, my crotch is a revolving door when I go to a new doctor because they’re so fascinated.

That’s right – I just said I have a fascinating cootch.

Want to know how that turns out? In labor with my first, I punched a nurse in the face and kicked a doctor in the face. Why? I had 5 doctors fascinated with my COMPLETELY NORMAL birth. Thanks for all those eyes up my privates at my most painful and most vulnerable. You know, ’cause I’m just a freak.

Let’s go over the article.

Dual-Womb Mother Shocks Doctors

So, we know they’re not very well-read.

A woman with two wombs gave birth to a healthy baby despite warnings that the chances were unlikely.

You’re not a freak, you just need to be monitored.

…was born through Caesarean section

Obviously, I don’t know the mom’s actual medical information and personal case. However, if it was JUST because of the Uterine Didelphys in an effort to “save the freak” it was a totally unnecessary medical procedure with it’s own risks. Just ask my vaginally delivered children.

…who has two sets of reproductive systems, surprises doctors and the medical world by giving birth to a healthy baby girl

Really? The medical world? Shoot – I could have been rich 9 years ago.

Doctors told her the rare condition would leave her with only a 50 percent chance of having a normal pregnancy.

Really? According to what? The medical community hasn’t studied it enough to have any numbers.

Physicians told her that although Mirela is healthy, she is likely to be the her only child.

How irresponsible!! Doom and gloom, seriously. Oh and again? I’m proof. And if we wanted more children, my body could indeed go again.

Look. That child IS a miracle. As ALL children are. And yes, I’m very glad that the mom found out about her uterine didelphys, because to be responsible about her body she’ll need extra paps, and her kidneys checked out, and that’s extremely important.

But as a “normal” mom with an “abnormal defect” in her body – I couldn’t help but feel like a total freak after reading this article.

So, thanks AOL! If nothing else, you gave me an excuse to get on my soapbox. I have been contacted by several people over the years. I once wrote a freelance article as a Layman’s Guide to Uterine Didelphys when I couldn’t find any information. And women with this condition still track me down to talk about it – even desperate enough to track down my home phone number (I talked to that mom worried that her daughter was going to DIE for an hour,) because the “medical world” can’t be bothered. You know what? That parts ok. I’m happy to help them understand that they’re going to be FINE.

Sincerely,

Michele Wilcox

P.S. – That new mom needs new doctors.

Don’t Rattle a Mama Bear’s Cage

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Rather than go through the whole spiel, I’m going to copy an email with identifiers edited. Suffice it to say that we have been dealing with this issue for MONTHS. In those months, poor Joseph has been going downhill. And it might not have been necessary.

from: Michele {email}
to Dr. Therapist {email}
cc Poe {email}, Dr. District
date Thu, Jun 11, 2009 at 11:49 AM
subject Regarding Joseph {last name}

Hi Dr. Therapist,

Please feel free to forward this email to any administrative personnel who handle such things. I’ve also CC’d my husband and Dr. District with our school district.

I write, in all honesty, with some frustration. Skipping details, the point is that everyone involved in Joseph’s case felt that consulting with a psychiatrist, and investigating if medication for anxiety (or anything else) might be appropriate at this stage for Joseph. When the subject was broached, in was basically shut down by {Big Therapy Center}, because it wasn’t part of his plan. So Dr. District went ahead and requested that his {State Treatment Plan} be officially evaluated to add this to his program.

Today, we met with Dr. Big State. She was his initial evaluator in 2007. We went through his case updating it from 2007. She was confused as to why she called upon to do this. Why? Because psychiatric care and medication prescription is already a part of his plan.

{Big Therapy Center} has his {State Treatment Plan} plan. Twice actually, once when he initially started treatment there, and I sent another copy when it was somehow lost. You’ll see his recommendations on pages 7 and 8.

“The Department of Mental Health finds that Joseph {last name} qualifies for mental health services under {State Treatment Plan}. {Various treatment recommendations redacted.} , medication evaluation and follow-up by a psychiatrist if medications are prescribed.”

Dr. Big State is going to write an addendum and say the exact same thing. “Yep, you’re qualified… and already were.” She went further on to say that this is the standard wording, and is ALWAYS included, unless the individual does not qualify for {State Treatment Plan} in the first place.

So. When can we make an appointment with the psychiatrist?

–Michele
Mother of Joseph {last name}

My anger is frothing.

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