Sparks and Butterflies...

But aside from that, she's still completely normal

The weekend…

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Ok, so a couple of random things that are on my mind and I’d like them out please.

*So – I think Joseph really benefitted from his Special Ed in summer school. Because, he finished kindergarten reading at a PRE-K level. However, he’s been shouting out words when he sees them – and he’s correct. Before, he wouldn’t even try. Maybe we passed a hump?

*I realized that I maybe sound either pompous or like an idiot talking about my housecleaner out one side of the mouth, and then money woes out the other. The truth is, I only hire housecleaners when my in-laws are going to be in the house. I figure if professionals do it, and it’s still not good enough, I’ve officially done all I can do. And I get a clean house out of the deal. The rest of the time, our guests get my frugal haphazard cleaning. But it’s okay, because they’re happy just to spend time with their friend, which is the whole point you know?

*DISCLAIMER: Honey, I love you. I do. Spending time with you is time excellently spent. That being said… My kids are going to Big Bear with the in-laws Poe thinks he’s going to tag along so he can see his aunt he hasn’t seen in years. I’m not going, because, well… those in the know know. Do you know what this means?

Do you??

The house. All of it. To myself. I can have it be quiet. Silent. Solitude. This is a freakin’ dream. It doesn’t happen often, and I love my family, but just the rarity of it makes it a treat. Because it comes right before the next random thing.

*School starts next week. I’m about to jump feetfirst straight into a land of principals (again), occupational therapists, and stepford wives. Oh and they haven’t sent the packet as promised, so I have no idea who my son’s teacher is, nor the room he needs to go to on the first day, nor whether he’s early bird or late bird. That last one’s fine, since they’re all early birds for the first two weeks, but I’d sure love to know where the hell to go on the first day.

*Go me! I think I have all the school supplies. Except for a couple that are teacher specific. That I can’t get. See above.

Oh. My. Gosh.

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Do you ever have those days in which every single damn thing your kids do just drive you up a frickin’ wall? I mean really? Do you need to scream THAT much? Really? Do you really have to whine THAT much? I mean, dude. You’ve both been on this earth a respective 6 and 4 years. The rules have never changed. They have never gotten bent to stop the whining. What makes you think it’ll happen now. All it serves to do is make me mad. That’s all.

Oh, and this whole only listening to daddy thing? So over it.

Dude. Hand over the Excedrin.

Bathroom ettiquette of coworkers

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Dear Mr. Executive Guy,

I understand that you’re the head honcho person for legal affairs. Not my boss, but up there. I get that. I get that you wear suits, have a nice home, the perfect kids & wife, and a 6 digit salary. I have a couple things to tell you.

1. You are one of two men in our suite. Out of 7. Us women outnumber you. Including your assistant. it behooves you to make us happy.

2. We only have one coed bathroom. We all share. Please be cognizant of this fact.

3. Please lock the door while you’re in there. When the lock says, “Vacant,” I’m liable to come in there. I just don’t need the visual, dude. We already shared THAT little experience, why do you want to relive it?

4. Why or why or why will you NOT put the seat down? Please see number 1.

5. When you do your little shakey shakey? Do it OVER the toilet. I must sit to pee, and it would be wonderful to stop trailing my pant legs in your piss, since you do this on the floor.

6. I understand farting while peeing. It’s natural, and certainly the proper place to do it at work. But PLEASE use one of the four air fresheners on the counter after. It’s just not fair for me to walk into the cloud when you leave the bathroom.

Sincerely,

Your female grossed out coworker.

Cravings!

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Good Lord I want a cigarette. The cravings are really bad today. All I want is a frickin’ cigarette. I don’t have any at all, so that’s a good thing. But I don’t have any licorice, gum, or anything else either, so I’m just sitting here gnashing my teeth. Ugh.

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